


dear diary

by akp_1327



Category: Choices: High School Story: Class Act (Visual Novel)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), College AU, Drama (on and off the theatrical stage), F/F, F/M, Filled to the brim with fluff!, New York University, Though with some pinches of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 49,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akp_1327/pseuds/akp_1327
Summary: The HSS:CA gang goes to college...
Relationships: Ajay Bhandari/Main Character (High School Story: Class Act), Skye Crandall/Original Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I finally buckled down and posted on my AO3! I'm excited to get to know this whole setup and maybe start posting my fics on here, too! We'll start with this one and see how it goes from there; sorry about the lack of bold, strikethrough, and italicization formats! Read the original versions of chapters on my Tumblr! :)
> 
> If I'm new to you, hello! I'm @akp-1327 on Tumblr and write lots of things about Choices stories. Feel free to check them out and enjoy!!
> 
> Also, this chapter doesn't have any warnings!

_July 16th, 2020_

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__

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_Dear Diary,_

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__

_Nothing would make me happier than to visit the city. The bright lights, the busy streets, the shops, the smell of car exhaust. For all the wonders I’d discover, for all the opportunities I’d face. For the experience, for the fun._

_Living in a small town is boring. It’s the same, day after day. Then as soon as you bat an eye, you’ve turned eighteen and have barely left the state. Some would call me a hobbit, some would call me lazy. But it’s hard to get out of town when your family can’t really leave because of their job and you’re too scared to learn how to drive._

_The diner that my parents own is great; awesome pancakes, delicious milkshakes, and every single pie flavor you could ever imagine. It’s called the Golden Griddle and it’s located right in the heart of Cedar Cove, Oregon. You’d have to be blind to miss the sunny yellow paint (that’s ever so slowly chipping away, but don’t tell my dad) smeared on the bricks._

_Anyway. I’m Charlotte, but you knew that already, didn’t you? Of course you did. Well, if you needed a reminder of my sob-worthy life story…my brother and I are adopted. But you probably remembered that, right? Wow, I need to stop ranting about how you probably remember me. You’re a literal book for God’s sake._

_Wait; back on topic. I want to go to see the city. So badly. Oh, and have I mentioned that I got accepted into my dream school? New York University, here I come. How have I not written about that yet? Holy crap. NYU preparations have been coming along nicely. I already have half my room packed and almost all my dorm stuff that my mom insists on buying. My brother Henry, too. He’s going to Ohio State on a football scholarship and a desire to pursue athletic training. Big dreams!_

_Me, you ask? Good gracious, Diary, stop interrupting! (Oh boy, I’m talking to myself. Leila would laugh…). I’m pursuing acting and theater, of course. A major in drama and a minor in production. I’m chasing the sun here, okay? I am a future Broadway star and actress with dreams as far as the eye can see!_

_I am ecstatic to make the big move at the beginning of August. More updates to come. Sorry if this ending was abrupt. My dad made his famous chili tonight and I gotta go get it while it’s hot and before Henry inhales it all like the vacuum he is._

_Yours, Charlotte :)_

*

*

The faint, familiar smell of spices filled my senses as I put the old and tattered diary down. It was a gift I got years and years ago from a friend, but I never used it. May as well start before the wild ride of my new life starts, right?

I threw my blonde hair into a bun as I walked out of my room, avoiding boxes piled up high on the floor. Right as I stepped into the hallway, however, my foot met a ball of fluff curled right outside my doorway.

“Aw, Cooper,” I cooed, leaning down and scooping the little snowball I called a dog into my arms, cradling him close, “you’re missing all the food downstairs, buddy!”

A small whimper came from him as I made my way down the stairs. Henry was spread out on the couch and watching some sort of European soccer, er, football on the TV.

“Hey, just in time!” Henry smiled, waving me over to sit next to him. I obliged, setting Cooper down onto the floor and taking a seat next to him. 

…It was crazy how he was twice my size. And how I was the older one by three whole minutes.

“What’s up, Henry?” I asked, nudging his arm. A laugh escaped his throat as he gestured to the screen and unpaused the video (wait, it was paused this entire time?). I watched the screen to see a player get hit in the head with a soccer ball.

“Hah!” Henry laughed, his deep pitch echoing off the walls. I gasped and swatted his arm.

“Henry! Laughing at someone else’s pain is so rude! What if he got a concussion that ended his career?” I said, a twinge of amusement in my tone. All in all, I loved to see my brother get all flustered. He was such a goody-two-shoes that even something like this comment would make him blow a gasket–

“He’s laughing, sis. I don’t think the dude’s hurt.” Henry said, his tone smug. Maybe college was finally really going to his head.

I shook my head with both surprise and disappointment as I stood up, gesturing for the walking vacuum to follow suit. “C’mon, knucklehead. Dinner’s almost ready.”

We both walked into the kitchen to see the finishing arrangements being set up for dinner; Mom was retrieving bowls and utensils as Dad strained the water from the elbow macaroni at the sink.

“You two are in here early,” Mom teased, giving us a side glare as she placed the bowls and spoons on the counter, “what about?”

A sweet, innocent smile crossed my face as I batted my eyelashes at her. “It just smells so good that I couldn’t stay away!”

“I’ve heard that one before, you jest. Come get your bowls.” Mom chuckled, stepping away. Henry and I grabbed a bowl right as Dad turned to us.

“Get it while it’s hot!” Dad said, grabbing a bowl of his own. Henry and I both dove for the noodles and chili, somehow managing to get our servings without making a complete mess like we usually do. It’s crazy to think of how people mature over time…

The old seats at the table squeaked as we all sat down and started to dig into our chili. A comfortable silence blanketed the table and just as I got used to it, Mom broke it.

“So, you two have been packing, yes? Even the stuff you aren’t bringing?” Mom asked sweetly, dabbing a napkin at the corners of her mouth. She’d always been the politest one in the family; too bad no one else at the table had her mannerisms.

“My room is basically packed except for some of my clothes and books,” I said in between chews of the (extremely hot) chili in my mouth, “but otherwise I’m good.”

Henry nodded and pointed his thumb at me, his eyes never leaving his bowl. “Mhmm.”

“That’s great! Your flights leave in only a matter of days!” Dad cheered, giving Mom a high five. It was such a weird but common thing to see parents do: act like teenagers.

“You sound excited about that?” Henry questioned. I looked over to see half his bowl already gone. 

Mom heaved a sigh.

“We’re excited for you both to finally experience the world. We can’t wait for your lives to truly start!” Mom said, a smile encompassing her features. Her kind, brown eyes flitted between Henry and me.

“You two have the world at your fingertips,” Dad added, glancing at Mom. They shared a fond look. 

At that moment, for the briefest second, I wished that I had a connection like that; a soulmate, someone who you could spill your heart out to. Someone who you could love and be loved by. Someone who’d want nothing more than to see you happy. 

Also at that moment, I decided that I would make it a small goal of mine to make this wish come true during my time at NYU.

*

*

My blankets were soft around my legs as I sat propped up against my pillows. Leila and I had been talking on the phone all night. I felt like I was in that moment in Mean Girls where Gretchen was switching between Cady, Karen, and Regina. Except…I wasn’t switching between anyone at the moment. 

Leila Maciel is my best friend. She’s someone with a sarcastic personality and a snarky remark to anything. She’s as smart as a whip and could, without a doubt, put you in your place if you stepped out of line with her intimidating strength. Though, she also has a soft and caring side that she only reveals to those who she deems trustworthy. A confident, kind, and bold girl indeed. 

We’ve been friends for our entire high school careers, but it feels like I’ve known her my entire life.

During our freshman year, Leila was in an extremely toxic relationship. Her ex-girlfriend, a “sweet” but a rather manipulative girl, was to blame for our friendship. This girl, Sadie, ticked all of Leila’s boxes; beautiful, smart, compassionate, sweet… 

Remember that Leila and I had only known each other for a month at this point.

Leila and Sadie’s relationship was adorable from the outside. Both bright-eyed and bushy-tailed freshmen with hearts in their eyes. It was something you’d see in a more realistic version of High School Musical because let’s be real…those movies aren’t realistic. (I still love them, though!)

About a year into their relationship, though, Sadie transformed from sweet to sour. She used Leila to get what she wanted like she was her very own puppet. Her antics ranged from cheating on tests to almost stealing a designer handbag before I intervened. Then, like the cherry on top of this extremely nasty sundae, Sadie revealed that she cheated on Leila with a college girl for the majority of their relationship. Let’s just say that their relationship was terminated seconds after that bombshell blew up.

Leila was broken for months. She truly believed that she loved Sadie, but upon further examination, I found that Leila felt guilty whenever she had the opportunity to say no. It had never been any sort of love; it was an obligation. Also after that relationship, Leila decided that instead of focusing on liking girls, she’d be open and love anyone. She was sick of limits.

So, here we are today.

Now, as we talked on the phone, I thought about how she’d also be going to NYU, majoring in business. We were roommates! It was like a dream come true.

“Uh, Charlotte?” Leila asked with a laugh. “You alive?”

Reality snapped back into place as I blinked my eyes rapidly. “Oh, uh, yeah. What’d you say?”

“Did you buy a fan for our dorm?” Leila asked monotonously. This made me laugh for some odd reason. “Dear Lord, what’s so funny?”

Honestly, though. What was funny, Charlotte? One could say that I was losing my mind.

“I don’t know, spur of the moment? But otherwise, yes; I got the one you pointed out at Target.” I said, surprising myself with how even my voice sounded. A familiar hum came from the other end of the line in response.

“Cool. Then you’re all set to go for next week?” Leila asked, her voice making it sound like she was smiling. I laughed again and nodded to myself.

“Yes!” Was all I could say.

Leila’s sigh was so loud that I could swear that I felt her breath through the phone. “You’re not stressing out over this, are you?”

My eyes widened at her question. Was I stressing out about this? I’d been packing for days on end without breaks. I had folded, re-folded, and re-re-folded all of my clothes several times in my duffel bag. I had splurged on so many things, like that fan Leila mentioned, without a second thought. I don’t think I’ve had a proper shower in almost a week; I was too busy being a nervous wreck.

“Maybe a little bit, but not too much,” I responded, my tone a bit somber as I tried to conceal my lie. My fingers twirled the fringed fabric of my tie blanket around as I waited for Leila’s retort.

“Stressing out over this is like a circle, Charlotte. It’s pointless,” Leila said, her voice starting to reveal her exhaustion, “and you need to relax. We’ll be fine.”

Thoughts buzzed through my mind as I contemplated her words. Would we be fine? Is “fine” even the correct word to describe this situation? How about rephrasing the entire statement entirely by saying “there is a chance that we’ll survive, but it definitely ain’t high.”? That version was more accurate, in all honesty. Moving across the country for school didn’t sound like a situation that could only earn the word “fine”.

“Aren’t you worried, though? A big city, a new city, a scary city…we’re diving into the deep end here, Leila! We have no idea what the hell we’re doing!” I panicked, squeezing my eyes closed.

Now it was Leila’s turn to laugh uncontrollably. Though, hers was more of a witch’s cackle.

“Wow, okay. First of all, we’ll stick together. Second, not knowing what we’re doing is all apart of the college experience. We’ll seriously be okay if we stick together.” Leila assured, still laughing - she never was the sympathetic type in these types of situations.

“If you think so, then I guess I need to believe it.” I yawned, tucking myself further into my blankets. Leila broke out into a yawn as well, making me think that she was actually tired for once (the girl was the definition of a night owl).

“We should get some sleep. We’ll have plenty of time to talk later.” Leila stated. I could imagine her rolling her brown eyes at her own words. A laugh escaped me instead of the hum I intended on.

“Jesus, why do you keep laughing? Why do you have so much energy?” Leila groaned, making my laughter subside.

“I honestly don’t know, I’m a complete and utter mess. We’ll text tomorrow?” I suspired, resting my arm over my eyes to completely block out this embarrassing reality.

“You bet. Love you lots.” Leila said. Her declarations of love truly became more meaningful after that whole spectacle with Sadie. She had a ginormous heart of gold beneath that rough exterior.

“Love you more! Good night!” I said, hanging up after she murmured a farewell. I tossed my phone onto the soft fabric of my blanket and stared up at the ceiling, a nostalgic feeling washing over me. All of the nights during elementary school where I’d do this exact thing, except I would be thinking about my Barbie dolls or my recess adventures. Now, I thought about the future and what waited for me.

College better live up to its well-known reputation.

*

*

Before I could comprehend what was even happening, I was standing in the middle of Portland’s airport with the arms of my family around me. 

Days legitimately whizzed past with nothing short of a greeting. I mean, it was already August 4th…somehow.

“You have all your bags, right?” Dad asked, his voice wavering the slightest bit. I looked down at my belongings for the fourth time; a large duffel bag of clothes, a chest full of dorm stuff and personal items (including that stupid fan, yes), and a very large and heavy carry-on stuffed with all of my technology. And, for the fourth time, I confirmed that I had everything.

“It’s all here, Dad. For the last time.” I giggled, shaking my head. He could only respond with his usual eye roll and grin.

“What about Leila? Are you completely positive that she’s on your flight?” Mom asked, her eyes inspecting mine. A sigh freed itself from my lungs as I nodded.

“She’s already waiting for me by the baggage area, Mom. You even saw her when we walked in, remember?” I stated, returning her inspecting gaze as she fondly smiled in remembrance.

My hands were reaching down to pick up my bags before Henry lightly punched my shoulder. “Wait, whoa, where’s the love, sis?”

“It’s hiding from you,” I teased, punching his shoulder before I pulled him close for a tight hug, “I’m gonna miss you bunches, you know.”

Henry’s grip tightened before he pulled back to show me the tears in his eyes. I gave him a sad smile, knowing that familiar look in his eye; he agreed but didn’t want to admit it.

“Don’t worry, Henry. I’ll only be a call away if you ever need to talk to me,” I said, putting my hands on his shoulders, “and I’ll be a nine hours’ drive away if you ever need me in person.”

He cracked a smile that was identical to my own and let out a deep breath that turned into a shaky laugh.

“Shut up, midget. Go catch your flight.” Henry laughed, shaking his head to compose himself. His blonde hair was tucked away in a red hat with a big, fancy ‘O’ embroidered in gray and black on its face. My heart swelled with pride to see it, too.

“Ditto!” I laughed while reaching down to grab my bags. “Well, I ought to get going. Leila’s been waiting on me for a while”

“Travel safely and call us when you land, no matter the time!” Mom said, hugging Dad and pulling Henry close. My eyes burned with tears as I nodded.

“Can do,” I shakily breathed, “I love you guys.”

Mom blew kisses my way and Dad smiled. Even Henry gave me a rare, genuine grin. I waved, and with a final glance, turned around and headed to the gate that was just behind me without looking back.

The weight of the bags in my hands doubled with each step towards Leila. She was sitting in the waiting area, her bags all around her, scrolling through her phone. Her straight black shoulder length hair was accessorized with a jade green headband, matching her comfy outfit that consisted of a matching jade green tee and a pair of workout leggings.

“Took you long enough, you slowpoke!” Leila smiled, patting the blue seat next to her as she tucked her phone in her backpack. I dropped my bags in relief as I sat down next to her. “How emotional were your parents?”

“Enough to make me almost cry?” I laughed, wiping the wetness below my eyes. “Well, maybe I did cry a little.”

Leila laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “It doesn’t take much to make you cry, Charlotte. But I am beyond glad to see that you held in most of your alligator tears.”

We both laughed, though our laughter faded after about a minute, turning into a stressed silence…

“We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” I said while taking a deep breath. After almost a year of building up the nerves, the day was finally here. College…adulthood…life…

Leila turned to me, her eyes showing the most vulnerability that I’ve ever seen in them, and took a deep breath with me. “We may be crazy, but at least we’re crazy together.”

*

*

Bag security was a surprising breeze; little to no lines and no troubles. The security guys even smiled at me. Talk about weird.

Waiting for the flight time was tiring. I did, however, get a text from Henry saying that he’d successfully reached his gate and would be taking off for Ohio at dusk. So that was at least something to keep me occupied for a good two minutes.

Another distraction was to play matchmaker with Leila. It was our favorite pastime in high school, so why not continue the tradition?

“Ooh, that business guy over there wearing the red tie, and…” Leila trailed off, scanning the rows of seats until her eyes focused on a woman talking animatedly on the phone only a few feet away, “her.”

“Wait, the Adrian Raines-looking guy paired with that preppy woman?” I asked, my eyes narrowing. Leila hummed with approval next to me, making me cringe immediately; why, and how, would that work? They were polar opposites!

“Leila, listen. He looks like the type of guy that’d bite your head off if you gave him the wrong coffee order and she looks like the type of girl to organize a charity event. It’s all in the eyes and the cheekbones, even the eyebrows.” I explained, shaking my head. Leila, however, disagreed like she always did.

“They’d balance each other out. He’d soften up and she’d harden up. It’s that simple! Plus, it helps that they’re both very attractive…” Leila smirked, her eyes examining them both with a wistful sigh.

“And they’re probably much older than us, so don’t even get ahead of yourself.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “But back on topic. Are you talking about the whole ‘opposites attract’ lore? Because that’s just not…plausible. Maybe it is in the movies–”

Leila let out an exasperated breath that hindered the rest of my thought. “It is plausible, though! Just think about how you would feel in this situation. Would you want a guy who has a prickly exterior and a mushy-gushy heart?”

My heart started to palpitate as my hands started to sweat. I have learned to loathe Leila’s ‘boy talk’ because it’d always turn into her setting me up with guys that were either way out of my league or guys that just didn’t meet my expectations.

Her question, though, did deserve some deep thought. I guess I can set my pride aside for a mere second and give her some sort of approbation…

So, the question on the table: did I really have a thing for those types of people? Snarky but also impossibly soft? I guess I’ve never really been invested in relationships of my own. The idea of romance, sure, but not for me. It just never really seemed as important as the ACT or my GPA. I’m starting to regret my valedictorian title; I focused so hard on my studies that I forgot about the fun aspect of high school like the average, rebellious boyfriend with a leather coat and a motorcycle.

“You know what, Leila?” I started, carefully testing this ground as to not lead her down the matchmaking rabbit hole, “I would like a guy like that. A sarcastic and snarky guy with a secret soft side? Yes, please. Oh, and glasses that he’d push up his nose when he was frustrated? Even better.”

An uncharacteristic snicker escaped Leila; she was never one to snicker like that, and now that I actually think about it, our boy talk always had that stereotypical effect on her. Man, this hobby was melting her brain. Is there any research out there on how the quietest whisper of romance can turn the human brain to goo? If so, I need to get my hands on it ASAP. 

“I knew that you had a thing for that! I’ve been scoping this out for years, Charlotte!”

Of course she has.

“Glad you’ve been looking out for me. That or stalking me, but that’s up to you.” I teased, bumping my shoulder with hers only to receive a tired groan in response.

“Oh, hush. You know exactly how damn predictable you can be sometimes. Don’t even try to contradict that, either.” Leila stated, giving me a side glare. I gave her a bright, innocent smile in response as I fiddled with my duffel bag’s handles.

My mouth opened to bring up another round of matchmaker, but I was overpowered by a loud speaker.

“Flight one-hundred two for New York boarding at gate fifty-six!” A voice said gently over the speakers. Leila and I instantly looked at each other with the same anxious looks that slightly weirded me out.

“Um, Leila–” I stammered, trailing off as Leila hopped up and started to grab her things. She wore the biggest and brightest smile when she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.

“C’mon, slowpoke! We gotta go! Move those short legs of yours!” Leila beamed, grabbing my duffel bag with her open hand. Before I could retort, I was ushered into standing and walking towards the luggage area.

“Alright, eager one, slow down a bit?” I asked through a huff. Only two months off of the cheer team and away from drama and I’m already bent out of shape.

Leila threw my duffel bag and her own suitcase onto the conveyor belt and so I followed suit.

This…this entire experience was moving faster than I expected.

*

*

The plane ride wasn’t really all that exciting. Just Leila falling asleep on me, like I expected. Throw in a couple packs of peanuts, a dash of watching Dirty Dancing and Grease religiously, and a sprinkle of a baby’s obnoxious tantrum…and you end up with the definition of a typical plane ride.

Woo, college. Already kicking off with such an exciting start.

*

*

We were about thirty minutes out from The Big Apple when Leila finally woke up from her sleep. I felt my shoulder lighten and then felt the instant soreness from the five and a half hour flight.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked, busying myself by pausing Dirty Dancing on its second playthrough. Of course it was right as Baby started to awkwardly dance down the staircase and onto the bridge.

Leila’s response didn’t come when I thought it would, so I looked over to see if she fell back asleep on the plane’s wall. To my surprise, I saw that her eyes were glued to a figure a few seats over. 

The girl who sat there had this gorgeous auburn hair that cascaded over her shoulders. Her black headphones stood out against her pale complexion and revealed the slightest trace of taupe freckles scattered about her cheeks. Also from the girl’s side profile, you could just barely see the tint of matte black lipstick on her lips.

A gentle but teasing smile formed when I looked back over at a wide-eyed Leila, her cheeks now starting to redden with embarrassment.

“See someone you like over there?” I asked, softly nudging her arm with my own. She cleared her throat and blinked rapidly before turning her attention to me.

“I thought she was snoring?” Leila stammered, now rubbing her tired eyes. I looked back over at the girl - her head bobbing slightly to whatever she’d been playing on her laptop - and let out a laugh.

“Sorry to break it to you, Leila, but she’s completely awake.”

Leila whipped her head back around to see and then let another deep blush cover her cheeks. It was hard to notice against her olive skin, though it deepened enough to see from miles away.

“Okay, um, she was snoring a little bit ago. I swear on your life.” Leila said, pressing her hands to hide her bright red cheeks. 

I let out another laugh. She had never let herself get this flustered…ever. This was so rare that I’d only ever seen it once and that was back in high school. Leila locked eyes for a solid twenty seconds with a junior guy named Michael Harrison at lunch during our freshman year. She couldn’t stop blushing or stuttering for the rest of the day, and that’s not mentioning the dejected look she had when Michael walked out of the building with an unfamiliar girl on his arm after school.

As expected, Leila only responded to me with her notorious deadly side glare.

“Shut up right this instant, Charlotte Parker.” She hissed between her gritted teeth.

Did I listen? Of course not.

“Looks like Miss Maciel has been struck by Cupid’s arrow…” I teased, dramatically leaning into her lap with my hand against my forehead. She grumbled and leaned her head on her palm, looking out the window. After I sat up, I could see her brown eyes flit over in the girl’s direction every once in a while and couldn’t hold back my smile. Not teasing, but happy.

I knew that wistful look in her eye well enough to know that she’d been enamored.

*

*

The plane landed at about seven in the evening. Before getting off the plane, I looked over to the girl. She was frantically putting her computer away in it’s decorated case. I saw a patch with the familiar NYU bobcat…right next to another patch with the name “Skye” in this sort of horror-ish calligraphy.

Huh.

“I think her name is Skye,” I said, leaning in to whisper to Leila, “and I think she’s going to NYU.”

Leila glanced over as she stuffed her neck pillow (that she never used) in her bag.

“Cool. Um…Skye, you said?” Leila said, a blush blooming across her cheeks again. 

I’m seriously loving this.

“Yep, Skye. Maybe she’s a freshman like us?” I said. Leila bit her thin bottom lip.

“Maybe,” Leila said, a smirk crossing over her features, “just…maybe.”

*

*

Waiting for our luggage was so boring. I decided that it was even worse than waiting for our fight.

“Ah, it’s mine!” I heard a girl a few feet away from my tired figure cheer. She rushed forward to grab a gaudy pink suitcase bedazzled with fake gems. Leila pretended to gag next to me.

“Gross,” Leila sighed, though her eyes suddenly lit up, “hey, wait, those are our bags!”

She pointed toward a cluster of familiar bags on the conveyor.

“Ah! C’mon!” I stammered, rushing forward and grabbing them. We both started to laugh as we lugged them off.

“Jesus, this is heavier than I remember.” Leila huffed, lifting her bag onto her shoulder. I did the same, though almost toppled over because of the weight.

“Are we sure that these are ours?” I asked, unzipping the duffel bag to see my familiar coat. Relief flooded my features as I looked back at Leila.

Her face was a sickly greenish pale.

“Uh, Charlotte, this…this isn’t…” Leila stuttered, carefully shuffling through the bag. There were lots of black sweaters and lots of striped shirts. A couple pairs of ripped jeans, a few rock band tees along with an NYU sweatshirt…and a tag on the strap.

I reached out for the black tag on the strap and flipped it over. It read…

Skye…Crandall?

“Leila, remember that girl from the plane?” I asked, showing her the tag. Her face immediately fell, though I could see the flame of hope flickering in her deep brown irises.

“Oh. My. God.” Leila groaned, taking the tag into her hand. “You’re kidding. Charlotte, this seriously isn’t happening right now.”

Despite her panicked state, I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

“I’m officially calling you Eliza Schuyler because you are helpless!” I giggled, doubling over. Leila loudly sighed.

“No, no no no…” Leila whispered, zipping the bag closed, “how are we going to find her now? I bet she left already with my bag.”

I sadly let my laughter subside as I wiped the humored tears from my eyes, being careful to not let my light layer of mascara run or smudge into a huge mess. That was the last thing I needed right now.

“Alright. Well, I think we should wait and see if your bag is still here. We don’t know for sure that she has it,” I stated, patting Leila’s shoulder, “but if it doesn’t show, we’ll track this Skye girl down and give her the right bag. Okay?”

Leila nodded, her face still contorted with a mixed emotion of annoyance and helplessness.

“Welcome to New York, where we lose your freaking bags and make you chase after freaking girls that you like,” Leila mumbled in a bad imitation of a New York accent, pinching the bridge of her slender nose.

“So you do admit it! Aww!” I cooed, booping her nose. She caught my wrist and gave me another glare, though this one was downright teasing.

“Shut it or I will mercilessly write on your face tonight with a Sharpie while you sleep,” Leila teased, “but let’s get going. We still gotta find our dorm and the sun’s already starting to set.”

I nodded and gathered up my stuff, taking another look back at the conveyor…

“Oh, everyone’s gone?” I questioned, my eyes scanning the now empty area around us. Leila rolled her eyes and started to drag me along towards the masses of people with her free hand.

“Yes, but now let’s go find this girl before I lose my mind. I need my bag and I can bet that she needs hers.”


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of divorce and a little swearing throughout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm so happy I got this on AO3! :)

_August 4th, 2020_

_Dear Diary…_

_Can’t believe I came crawling back to this old thing. It sure has been a while, hasn’t it? I haven’t written in here since my parents (finally) got a divorce._

_Yep, they decided that it was time to put an end to whatever sliver of a marriage they had left. Mohit (my little brother) and I were split up; he stayed with my mom in Brooklyn while I moved with my dad to Manhattan. He told me that it’d be “closer to school” and “more convenient” than driving all the way there from Brooklyn. And so, without starting yet another argument between them, I just went with it. I still see my mom, of course, but I can always sense the tension in the air whenever I pass through the threshold of my childhood home._

_My life has been non-stop since graduation…and not in a good way. Sure, getting accepted into NYU was great, but then there was the post-divorce debris and rejection (Kelly…) and all of these god forsaken emotions that I had to sort through. It really, really messed me up. I almost failed my production class in that first semester because I was too busy focusing on Kelly’s rejection (about how she fell in love with her co-star and left me in the dark? About how she broke my heart? Yep, that whole spectacle.)._

_So, in conclusion, my life is nothing short of chaotic. Erin would say that I need to relax, but what is that when you work yourself to the bone?_

_…Yeah, I really don’t know either. Obviously._

_Alright. Into my bag you go. Let’s see if I can find riveting stuff to write about this year…_

_Ajay_

*

*

I hastily unzipped my backpack and shoved the leather book I found moments ago inside, somehow managing to zip it closed. Right as I finish, though, I hear my dad’s deep voice from down the hall.

“Ajay, are you almost ready?” Dad shouted, his voice ringing through the empty room I sat in. It wasn’t necessarily my room, per se, but a guest room that I rented out for the summer. It’s the only way Dad would let me stay here - to be honest, I don’t understand why I just didn’t live with Amma for the whole two and a half months in an actual house where I could stay for free. Maybe I’ll do that next summer.

“I’ll be out in a second, Dad.”

Why was he rushing me out? Seriously, I’m driving myself. There’s no need to clamber me out the door like I’m some sort of animal. There was also the fact that it was August and how class didn’t start for another month; maybe Dad just was getting tired of me.

The floors of the downtrodden apartment squeaked beneath my feet as I walked out to the main living area, my packed bags already waiting for me on the carpeted floor. Dad stood in the kitchen, his nose in a newspaper, when he heard me approach. My hand instinctively tightened on my backpack strap as his eyes bore into mine.

“Well? Let’s get this going, Ajay. I have a meeting at seven and I’d rather not be late.” Dad huffed, walking to shoulder my light bags. All they had in them were my clothes, books, and dorm necessities.

It took him all of three seconds to walk to the patio door and slide it open (Dad lucked out and found a complex in the “suburbs” of Manhattan, so there was some grass and walking areas all around). I heaved a sigh and took one last look at the apartment, then headed out the door and into the hot and humid Manhattan air. Still, when we were only a few blocks away from the bulk of the city, you could smell the familiar scent of car exhaust waft on the wind.

Dad had already popped my car’s trunk open and set my stuff inside before I could even get over. He stood next to the driver’s door as I finally reached him.

“Thanks for letting me stay for the summer,” I said, rather cynically, “and for carrying my bags out.”

Because, you know, I can’t do that myself.

Dad gave me this weird smile; it was almost the one that he gave me when I first asked about him seeing another woman. The thought of him being with someone besides my mom still makes me angry, but there was nothing I could do about it now. Three years of divorce and he’d already found another.

Anyway, the smile he gave me was straight-lipped and had no hint of any genuine happiness. Just a fake smile that he hoped would convey some sort of message, like ‘congrats’ or some other stereotypical phrase that you’d say.

“Of course, Ajay. You’re my son,” Dad said, his tone feigning sincerity, “I’d do anything for you.”

Hmm, that’s what you told Amma. Now look where we are.

I held back an eye roll and stepped closer to my door, moving to open it, before Dad pulled me to him and gave me a bone crushing hug.

“I’m going to miss you, Ajay. Stay safe, okay?”

Huh; that response actually had some emotion. I could sense the probity in that one. If he were one of my actors I’d tell him to bring it out a bit more and really demonstrate the feeling in his body language. But, no, this is Dad and I can’t direct him around.

“I’ll miss you too, Dad. Remember to lock your door, seeing as I can’t do it for you anymore.” I said, pulling away to both catch my breath and to open my car door. With a quick glance at Dad, though, that wasn’t happening yet.

“When you get the chance, you should go visit your mom and Mohit. I can tell that you miss them, too.”

Something must’ve been in his coffee this morning. He never talks about Amma so domestically, but when he does (which is seldom at most) he keeps his tone even, almost somber. Mohit is a different story, but he still gets a little tense over the fact that he was his youngest son’s second choice.. I believe that he lost a piece of himself when he divorced Amma; a vital piece that would make him act like the father I remember. Maybe that’s why he was so discombobulated.

“I’ll probably visit them this weekend. We’ll see, though,” I said, now getting into my car. Dad handed me the keys and clapped his hand on my shoulder.

My door, however, wasn’t closing due to Dad’s leg being in the way.

“Well, whatever you decide to do, just be smart about it.” Dad said, now laughing a little bit. (Jeez, I’m making a mental note to examine his coffee grounds when I come visit if this odd behavior keeps up.)

“Okay, Dad. Remember how you have a meeting at two?” I said, trying to ‘get this going’. If he was so hesitant on letting me go, why was he shoving my ass out the door?

“Oh! Crap. You’re right. Get going, kid,” Dad stammered, “I love you.”

Wow, color me surprised! Definitely going to sift through that coffee next time I’m here.

“Love you too, Dad. Bye.” I said, closing my door with a small wave. Dad waved in return and retreated back into his apartment, closing the door without looking back. Not surprising, of course, but definitely a little disappointing.

My car, a grey 2010 Ford Taurus, revved to life without hesitation when I turned the key in the ignition. Shifting into drive and pulling away from “home” for the final time that summer should’ve felt bittersweet like all the summers before…but I couldn’t find it in myself to miss this life anymore. The freedom of summer, no matter how much I had with my jobs, would never compare to the school life I cherished; mainly to escape my messy reality.

*

*

The forty minute drive to NYU whizzed by all thanks to my favorite musical soundtrack, Les Misérables, and a couple packages of rainbow goldfish that I bought specifically for the occasion. I avoided most of the traffic by taking the long way (the closest thing to “back roads” in the city), which tacked on a good twenty more minutes, but I could care less. All I had to do was track down Rory and Erin and knowing them…that wouldn’t be hard.

Sure enough, right as I’m an intersection away from the familiar campus grounds, my phone vibrates with a call on my passenger seat. With a quick glance, it was from Rory. I would get it, but then the damn light turned green after about two minutes; perfect timing. 

After I pulled into the office parking lot to get my keys and dorm, I saw Rory’s familiar face light up and run towards my car from a nearby bench. He’s absolutely insatiable.

Rory beamed as he ran toward my car, Erin on his tail with a neutral, almost unhappy expression.

“Director man! You finally decided to show up!” Rory shouted as I opened my door. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t hide the grateful grin that grew across my features.

“I would’ve waited another month if I knew that you’d greet me like this,” I laughed, accepting Rory’s uncharacteristic fist bump with an arched eyebrow, “what was that for?”

Rory looked like he was about to combust from excitement. He kept bouncing on the balls of his feet and wringing his hands around.

Erin, on the other hand, rolled her eyes at his excitement. Ever the oddly unenthused one of us three, and that’s coming from me.

“Erin got a new roommate!” Rory shouted, his hands shooting into the air. I laughed as Erin sighed, though I was still quite confused. Erin wanted a singles dorm, though, because we’re still on campus, I guess she didn’t have control over that.

“I haven’t met them yet, but I think it’s a freshman,” Erin said, crossing her arms, “and we got our keys already. Go check in quick and we’ll go find our dorms.”

Erin was always bossy, but there was something different about her sternness in that moment that just made an unsettling weight settle in my gut. So, without pushing the situation further, I nodded.

“Sounds good,” I said, tossing my keys to Erin, “put your stuff in the trunk while you wait on me.”

*

*

The campus registration office was way too familiar for my liking. The past two years were alright, but this time around it just felt awkward. I could tell that I was surrounded by freshmen because of the bright lights in their eyes and their wondrous expressions as they looked around.

I pushed my glasses up my nose and let my eyes wander around as I waited for my turn. Ahead of me stood a girl with flaming red hair. Just by her stance I could tell she was someone that you shouldn’t cross; intimidating, but also carefree. She had a backpack on her shoulders and a black duffel bag sitting at her feet. From here, I could read the name on the tag: Leila Maciel, in dainty handwriting. I also looked at another thing that she was holding - a computer bag - and saw the name ‘Skye’ written in a font that you’d see printed in green on the cover of a Goosebumps book.

Maybe it was just an aesthetic to have different names in different styles on your things? Or one of the bags belonged to a relative? Maybe she had a fake ID and is currently failing to conceal her real identity?

I was snapped out of my thoughts as the girl picked up her bag and walked forward. I had to know more. My curiosity has been piqued.

“Welcome to New York University! Name, please?” Danielle, the student that I disliked behind the counter asked, her familiar soprano sending chills down my spine. I’ve always found Danielle to be a little creepy ever since I witnessed her ogle Rory all the time last year at rehearsal. She was completely smitten with him. Of course, Rory felt the exact opposite.

“Um, Skye Crandall.” The girl said, almost disdainfully. I didn’t even need to see her face to know that she cringed at the sound of her own name.

“Awesome, awesome…” Danielle trained off, scrolling through her computer, “Aha! Skye Crandall, you’re in dorm 332 in Lafayette Hall. Your roommate’s name is Erin Ward! She is a super cool junior.”

Danielle was even more of a blabbermouth than I remember her being.

“Here are your keys! Enjoy!”

“Uh, thanks.” Skye said, taking the keys from Danielle. I debated whether or not to tell the redhead about Erin, but decided to let the meeting happen on its own. This Skye girl also looked exhausted but also ready to kick someone’s ass at any moment…so…let’s just let that one slide.

“Ne–” Danielle started, though stopped and brightened when she saw me, “Oh my gosh, it’s Ajay! Hey, stranger!”

“Hi, Danielle.” I sighed, trying to not let my discomfort show. 

I was probably failing.

She was already typing in my information before I could ask.

“How was your summer? Don’t you live in Manhattan?” Danielle asked, still typing away with her eyes focused on the screen.

“My dad does, yeah,” I said, maintaining her divided attention much to my displeasure, “and I had an alright summer. You?”

“Oh, it was great! I did so many things. Golfing, surfing, snorkeling, swimming with dolphins…all the things I usually do back home in Florida.”

That explains…some. She has always seemed to have a Florida-esque persona in that way. Not to give in to a stereotype, but Floridians tend to be on the “crazy” side of the behavioral spectrum. Danielle fits into that like a glove.

I was about to continue the conversation before she beat me to it. “Ajay Bhandari, you are in dorm 413 in Lafayette Hall and are rooming with Rory Silva. I’m guessing you know the rest?” Danielle said, passing me my keys. Internally, I rolled my eyes. Externally, though, I forced a nod.

“Yes, Danielle. Thank you.” I said, holding my breath as I walked away. She shouted something back at me, but I was too focused on getting the hell out of there to care.

Back at my car, I saw Rory leaning up against the passenger door and Erin sitting on the hood.

“Jeez, Erin, the hood of my poor car isn’t a bench!” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. Though, instead, she just looked burned out.

“I’m not sorry, director man,” Erin smirked, her smile not showing the happiness that it usually had. She stood up anyway to hand me my lanyard with my keys.

As Erin clambered into the backseat, I turned to Rory.

“You packed your entire house, right? Because I didn’t bring much this year for our dorm.” I said, attaching my new keys to my lanyard. Rory groaned and nodded.

“You’re lucky I basically bought Target out of their stuff. I even bought you those nice bed sheets you wanted so that you’d actually shut up about them. Oh, and a comforter to match at my mom’s insistence.” Rory said, sighing. I smirked and gestured for him to get in.

“I’ll pay you back for them later. For now, we gotta get to Lafayette Hall.”

The whole ride, because it was quiet, I tuned out. And then, without warning Guns and Ships from Hamilton played over and over in my head. 

…This is going to be a long year.

*

*

The sun was almost hidden under the horizon once we arrived at Lafayette Hall. It wasn’t packed at all. It was actually pretty nice.

“Okay, guys, let’s go. We’ve already burned daylight, so we’re burning nightlight!” Rory laughed. Erin groaned from the backseat.

“Not how that works, Rory, but alright. I’m letting it slide for now.” Erin said, getting out. She sounded a bit happier, but still not like her usual self.

We all gathered our things and started to head inside. Rory was lugging countless bags with him, per usual, and Erin had three.

The lobby was like any other dorm building; familiar purple and white furnishings, same set-up. The front desk’s clerk looked like they were about to fall asleep. 

Yep, this is definitely the NYU I remember.

“Okay, this is where we part. Come find me in room 332 when you guys finish up getting your room ready.” Erin said, heading in the direction of the stairs.

“Too cool to take the elevator?” Rory asked, earning a glare from Erin.

“I need to keep my legs toned for volleyball, genius,” Erin snarked in her (somewhat) usual tone, “now go take the elevator like a wimp.”

She turned and disappeared onto the staircase, leading Rory and I to look at each other.

“What happened with her over summer?” I asked nonchalantly, pressing the elevator button with my free hand. Rory heaved another sigh next to me.

“She didn’t tell me much, but,” Rory said, his voice dropping to a whisper, “I heard that something bad happened to her grandpa. I don’t know what, exactly, but you know how she gets with that kind of stuff.”

I should’ve known; this was the same Erin that I met two years ago when we were both freshmen at NYU; her grandma had just passed away that summer and she was a wreck. It was what allowed us to bond, both being damaged in our first year at NYU, and what led to us being so close. We had that pitiful connection and would always talk to each other about our painful experiences.

“Oh, um,” I said, unable to think of the right words to say in the moment, “that’s concerning.”

“Very. I left it alone, obviously, but I think you should talk to her about it. You guys have that kind of friendship, you know?” Rory said, nudging me with his elbow as the elevator doors opened (thank goodness it was empty).

“You have that kind of friendship with her, too. I’m not the only one here with good advice.” I said, remembering the moment last year when Rory had single-handedly pulled me out of a bad mood. It was right after I heard about my mom’s boyfriend, Jim, proposing to her and how she said yes; let’s just say that I wasn’t taking the news well.

Rory was silent for a second, and I could tell he was processing my words. 

“I mean, I guess you’re right, but I really don’t…” Rory trailed off when we arrived on the fourth floor, pausing to walk off, “I don’t have the right kind of advice that Erin needs.”

Like I said, Rory is insatiable.

“Dear lord, Rory,” I laughed, hopefully walking in the direction of our dorm, “you seriously need to learn how to take a compliment and run. Especially from me.”

“Oh, shut up, director man,” Rory huffed, “I’m just saying that my advice isn’t as good as yours.”

Oh. My. God. And people always wonder why I never compliment my actors. Well, here’s example A.

“That’s controversial, but I’m too busy trying to find our dorm to argue with you,” I said, squinting at the dorm numbers; all of which weren’t ours.

“These are all going up. Let’s turn around.” Rory said, looking back at the empty hallway behind us. Jesus, why is this building so confusing?

“Good idea. Reroute.”

Over the next two minutes, we found dorm 413. It was right next to the elevator…but the opposite way. I fished my lanyard out of my pocket and unlocked the door.

The dorm was quaint, like any other, but with two tall and slender windows as opposed to one. It was also pretty big in comparison to what Rory and I had last year.

“So, are we doing the same set-up as last year?” Rory asked. I nodded and sighed, setting my lightly packed bags on the left bed.

“The right side is always seemingly larger and we both know who needs the extra space.” I joked, earning a tired laugh from Rory.

“How about we take Erin and we go shopping this week? Then you won’t complain so much.” Rory said, making me roll my eyes.

“If you insist.”

*

*

Unpacking didn’t take long. I just needed to organize my still-empty closet and set up all my personal items; a few pictures, a few of Mohit’s drawings, and a plain calendar that Jim got me. I really, really didn’t want to use it because of his relationship with Amma but I didn’t want to buy another one, either. I also ended up making the rock-hard mattress with the sheets and comforter set that Rory got me as I waited for him to finish setting up.

As Rory hung his dress shirts, I took a look at my phone. It was already ten past nine and Erin texted me about twenty minutes ago.

**Erin** : are you and rory alive? jeez, hurry up.

**Ajay** : Yep. We’ll be on our way in a second.

“Okay, that’s enough unpacking for now,” Rory said, moving to store his suitcases. I loudly sighed and got up.

“Are you ready to go now? Erin’s waiting.” I asked loudly.

“Yes! Can you hear me?” Rory yelled, dissolving into laughter a second later. I rolled my eyes and started to walk towards the door. 

Jesus, I feel bad for the RA this year.

*

*

“Knock knock, Erin! Your two favorites are here!” Rory said, knocking on Erin’s door. Only a second later, the door opened to reveal her dorm. Surprise, surprise, it was almost the exact same as ours.

“Took you guys long enough. Come on in.” Erin said. She already had everything unpacked on her side. Posters, pictures, and there were even fairy lights on her headboard.

“Nice place,” Rory starts, looking around, “almost looks like mine.”

A small snort came from the other side of the room and I looked over to see the familiar redhead from the registration office sitting on her bed. The only oddity…it was bare; no sheets, no blankets. Just a mattress.

“You guys must be Rory and Ajay?” Skye asked, her eyes leaving her laptop and flitting over to Erin for confirmation. 

“In all their glory. Guys, this is Skye.”

Rory was the first to wave and stick his hand out for her to shake. “I’m Rory! Nice meeting you, Skye.”

Skye hesitated a bit before shaking Rory’s hand, and even then, she rolled her eyes.

“Same here, I guess,” Skye said, looking at me, “then you’re Ajay?”

“Yeah. I’m not going to shake your hand, though.” I said, trying to ease the gloom that weighed the room down. Instead, it just made things a bit awkward. Skye gave me a tight-lipped smile and nodded, brushing loose auburn hair that fell out of her ponytail away from her eyes.

“So, Skye, what’s up with your…decoration?” Rory asked. Her entire side of the room was bare.

“Well, I got the wrong bag from the airport, for starters,” Skye exasperated, closing her eyes, “and then I realized I forgot my computer charger and my phone charger at home just before you guys came.”

Yeesh, that’s rough.

“Speaking of, Skye, did you take the bag–” Erin started, though there was another knock at the door. Erin furrowed her brows and looked at me before she moved to answer it. On the other side stood two girls; one with blonde hair and about six inches shorter than me, the other with black hair and about the same height as me. They both looked nervous.

“Um, hello! Sorry to disturb you guys. Is this Skye Crandall’s dorm?” The one with blonde hair asked. She looked calmer and more composed than the other and she held an identical bag to the one at the end of Skye’s bed in her hands.

“Yeah, come on in.” Erin said, her familiar, welcoming smile appearing for the first time since I arrived.

Skye perked up from her bed, her eyes lighting up. The two girls clambered into the room awkwardly, making a beeline for the redhead.

“Skye, right?” The girl with black hair asked softly, taking the bag from her friend with a blush. Skye nodded and gave her the smallest smile.

“That’s me. Are you Leila, then?” Skye asked, getting up to retrieve the other bag. The girl with black hair sighed with relief.

“Yep. Leila is definitely my name.” Leila said. Her friend elbowed her in the side with a small giggle. Skye nodded and held out Leila’s bag.

Wow…this is really painful to watch.

“Sorry for the mix-up, um…” Skye blushed, blinking rapidly, “I was not paying attention. To anything at the time.”

Leila was about to speak before the other girl cut in. “That’s okay! I’m glad we found you. I’m Charlotte, by the way.” 

“ _Charlotte,_ ” Leila said between gritted teeth, taking her bag and putting Skye’s on her bed. In an even lower voice, she added, “ _Thank you, now butt out._ ”

Rory nudged my arm to get my attention. When I looked at him, his eyes were wide and looking between Charlotte’s back and my eyes. 

“What?” I whispered, though Rory shook his head. Confusion blanketed my mind…all up until I saw that she was wearing a purple drama program shirt.

Drama. Program. She had to be in the drama program. She just might be a part of the show! Of course, because that’s just my luck. A girl that I could actually have a chance of getting to know in a non-theatrical way–

“Ajay?” Erin asked, waving a hand in front of my face. I stammered, feeling my cheeks involuntarily heat up. I could tell it was visible because Rory’s smirk grew by at least ten sizes.

“What?” I shouted, frustrated with my own thoughts.

“Want to go explore the building with us?” Erin asked, holding in a giggle. Glad to see she’s doing better.

“Oh, uh, sure? Why?” I said, looking between everyone’s humored looks.

“You would know if you weren’t so distracted, Ajay.” Rory teased, elbowing me again. I almost let out my retort but was interrupted by someone - probably the girls that were now snickering - clearing their throat on the other side of the room.

“To get to know the area, obviously. Why else would we?” Erin said, making me heave a somewhat dramatic sigh. Maybe she just needed to pick on me to raise her spirits.

“Is that okay with you two?” Rory asked, looking between Leila and Charlotte. They both gave a quick nod, though Leila frowned at the bag in her arms.

“Can we make a pit stop first?” Leila asked, eyeing Erin who gave her quite possibly the warmest smile I’ve seen her give over the past three years.

“Yeah, of course! Let’s get going, though. We need to be fully functional tomorrow to go shopping for the first big party of the year!” Erin squealed, making her way towards the door.

“I…you want me to go to a college party? With…but I’ve–” Charlotte gasped, her eyes going wide with panic. This immediately made Leila roll her eyes and nudge her friend hard in the shoulder with her own. A genuine laugh escaped Leila as she turned to everyone.

“Charlotte here isn’t much of a party animal, but she’ll definitely loosen up with time.” Leila teased, causing Charlotte’s cheeks to darken with embarrassment.

Nice to know that I’m not the only one in this friend group who isn’t too fond of parties. And it’s also nice to know that I may get along with her better than I thought.

“Well, sweetie, you’re going with us. We’re friends now, and no friend of mine will sit idle on the sidelines.” Erin grinned, opening her door.

After everyone exited the room, Leila and Charlotte walked a little ways down the hall before stopping in front of a door.

“We’ll be right out!” Leila said before dragging Charlotte into the room behind her. Not even ten seconds later, they appeared again.

“Okay, c’mon. We gotta explore this maze!” Rory encouraged, coaxing everyone to follow him. I caught his eye and he gave me a teasing wink. What the hell? With a glance around, I saw Charlotte walking next to me, her head immediately swiveling forward. Another blush covered her cheeks.

*

*

It turns out that Lafayette Hall isn’t exactly confusing, but it’s definitely something to get used to. It was just a big square with a lot of twists and turns.

Another thing to get used to was the fact that it had a nice game room, and with Rory and Leila’s insistence (I’m starting to think that they’re a deadly duo), we got the key.

“Oh my God, Ajay! They have a pool table! I call a rematch from that stupid party last year.” Rory gasped, taking a cue stick from the wall. I groaned and shook my head.

“I’d rather not hear you complain about your loss all night. Face off against Erin instead.” I laughed, earning a nudge from Erin.

“Thanks. Now I’ll be the one complaining all night - sorry, Skye.”

Skye gave a halfhearted smile, her mind seemingly elsewhere. Anywhere but this game room.

“Skye, can I challenge you to a game of ping pong?” Leila asked hesitantly, taking two paddles in her hands and holding one out to Skye. With both a sheepish glance and a gingerly-moving hand, Skye took it and spun it around a few times.

“Don’t go easy on me. We may have just met, but I’m not made of glass.” Skye smirked, taking her place at the table and serving the ball to Leila. Over at the pool table, I watched Rory narrow his eyes at Erin; it looked like she currently had the upper hand.

“So, Ajay, right?” Charlotte said from beside me, startling me a bit. I turned to see her leaning up against the wall, looking at me.

“That’s me,” I answered awkwardly, relaxing onto the wall to match her stance. Her eyes, which I realized were a cerulean blue, left my figure to watch the ping pong match that slowly intensified.

“Where’re you from, Ajay?”

“I was born in Maryland, but my parents moved to New York shortly after that.” I said. “You?”

“Cedar Cove. It’s a tiny town in Oregon a few miles east of Portland. I bet you’ve never heard of it?” Charlotte said. I nodded, still keeping my eyes moving between the two games despite my lackluster concentration on them.

“Nope,” I chuckled, “but that’s alright. What’s so unique about Cedar Cove?”

Charlotte fell silent for a second, though quickly replaced it with a humored sigh.

“That’s like asking a little kid why they want to go into a candy store, dude. I don’t have a single answer! Give me a different question.” Charlotte giggled, shaking her head.

“Fair enough,” I smiled, “what brings you to The Big Apple, then?”

She let out another small giggle, and in that moment, I noted that she had a very laid back personality and a contagious laugh.

“Besides college?”

“Well, yeah. Obviously.”

Deafening silence fell between us again until she piped up once more.

“I’m planning to take over the world, of course,” Charlotte whispered, “but, shh, you don’t know that. So don’t blow my cover, okay?”

Okay, she is officially someone I’d like to get to know better.

“I’ll try my best.” I responded, looking over at her. I didn’t realize this before, but she had light freckles scattered around her face, too. “What are you majoring in?”

“Drama, and then minoring in production. I’m trying to make it as a Broadway star or an actress.” Charlotte said, her voice louder than a whisper but still quite hushed. Something immediately clicked in my mind.

“Wait, you’re from the Cedar Cove that won the Spotlite competition in London like two years ago? Berry High, I think it was?” I gaped, making her gasp. She turned to face me with a bright and surprised smile.

“No way, you saw our show?” Charlotte beamed, her expression softening with (what I could only assume to be) nostalgia.

“Not in person but I did see clips. It was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen! Every aspect of it was spectacular and I was blown away by the improv skills of the leads during that blackout.” I rambled, my director’s side slowly finding its way out. Another thing clicked in my mind when she smirked. “Wait, you were a lead, weren’t you?”

Charlotte eagerly nodded. She looked so happy to be talking about this, for some odd reason.

“I was! And, for the record, that improv was terrifying!” Charlotte babbled. “But enough about me. What’re you doing here, Ajay?”

Should I blow my cover already? Tell her that, ‘yeah, I might be your director and will probably be someone that you’ll learn to resent.’? I barely got to know her before she heard the truth.

“I’m majoring in drama, too. Minoring in both cinema studies and theater. All for the purpose of becoming a director.” I said, keeping my tone composed.

“Are you going to strictly direct theatrically or are you going to branch out to the silver screen?” Charlotte asked, examining my eyes. It was both flattering and a little embarrassing at the same time; she’d look at one eye for only a second before moving onto the other, and back again. It was like a workout for my eyes. 

Oh no, I’m rambling.

Before I could give her my response, Erin yelled a cacophony of slurs, swears, and phrases mashed into one.

“Ajay, please knock some sense into this guy!” Erin huffed, shaking her head. “I can’t believe I lost to…to Rory!”

I gave Charlotte a sorrowful expression before looking back at Erin. “Another time, Erin. Can’t you–”

Leila yelled out, too. “Jesus, how’re you so good at ping pong?”

Skye simply gave her a smile. “Many, many hours practicing.”

I sighed, turning back to Charlotte. She was grinning, her arms folded across her chest; still looking like she was waiting for my answer.

“To answer your question, I think I’ll stick to the stage. I’m taking cinema classes this year if that thought changes, though.” I rambled. A hum escaped her as she nodded.

“Then you’re going to be a part of the show, right?” Charlotte asked, tucking a few stray hairs behind her ear. Her eyes, a deep cerulean blue, swirled with uncertainty. An anxiety, almost.

“Yeah,” I said softly, noticing her change in demeanor; her once carefree posture had coiled into a tense inverse of itself. “Are you planning on auditioning?”

Charlotte bit her lip and looked down at her shoes.

“Do you think I should?”

I hesitated for a second, running a hand through my unkempt hair, and lowered my voice down to a whisper. “Well, not to sound creepy or anything, but I’ve seen you act. And from what I saw on that stage two years ago, you’d be a great addition to any cast.”

A massive blush exploded across Charlotte’s face, turning her cheeks a bright red. “That’s…high praise coming from a director. Thank you.”

I gave her arm a small nudge with my elbow in response, causing her to break into a fit of laughter. All the sudden, though, the door to the game room slammed open, revealing a group of ambitious freshmen.

“Oh, we’re done in here, guys!” Erin said hurriedly, hastily gesturing our group out the door. For a split second, I saw surprise pass through her features; the kind that made it seem like she was remembering something. Dear God, what is wrong with this day? 

“The room is all yours!” Rory blurted before closing the door behind him. In the hallway, everyone looked confused.

“I still want to know all your secrets to being a ping pong goddess.” Leila laughed, making Skye crack a laugh for the first time since Rory’s grand entrance about an hour ago.

“My secrets are extremely guarded, so good luck.” Skye challenged, narrowing her eyes the slightest bit at a clueless Leila.

“Oh, wow, what time is it?” Charlotte gasped, whipping out her phone. Her expression turned into panic. “Oh my God, I have six missed calls from my parents and a few from my brother! I need to go!”

“Wait, wait! Let’s exchange numbers!” Rory said, not letting Charlotte leave. Hurriedly, she shoved her phone into everyone’s hands. Once she reached me, I fumbled over the numbers. Dear God, Ajay, get yourself together.

“Quickly, please!”

Leila laughed for a minute before she pulled her own phone from her pocket, her happiness crumbling into annoyance.

“Jeez, ten missed calls from mine!” Leila huffed. Erin was about to speak before Charlotte chided in with a farewell.

“It was super awesome meeting you guys,” Charlotte said hurriedly, taking Leila’s arm, “I will text you all later! See you!”

Without another word, the two took off down the hallway and to the elevator.

“Well, um, we met three new people today!” Rory cheered, elbowing Skye’s arm. She didn’t look too pleased.

“Awesome, but I’m ready to go relax. Skye, need help setting a few things up?” Erin said, turning to her roommate that gave her a shrug.

“You don’t really need to help me, but, sure.” Skye sighed, looking down at her feet. Again, why were everyone’s feelings so sensitive today?

“Alright, then. This is where we split up.” I added, walking towards the elevators. Rory started to follow when Erin led Skye towards the stairs.

“Good night, guys.” Erin called, waving, and then turning a corner.

*

*

After tossing and turning for a good two hours, I pulled out my phone and decided to text Erin. She’d be up at the late hour (she rarely sleeps) and I wanted to check in with this odd behavior.

**Ajay** : Hey. Is everything okay? You’ve been acting weird ever since I arrived.

A response came not even a minute later. Figures.

**Erin** : i don’t want to talk about it, ajay. thanks tho.

**Ajay** : I wasn’t asking to talk. I was asking if you were okay.

I knew something was wrong, but Erin was usually the type to ramble on and on about anything she faced. It was strange to see her bottling up all of her emotions.

**Erin** : i am. don’t worry about me.

**Erin** : i just had a really rough summer.

Wow. How do you even respond to that?

**Ajay** : If you need to talk or anything, you know where to find me. Okay?

That’ll have to do for now. No pressure, just assurance. Hopefully that’s enough.

**Erin** : yep. night.

Because either of us will actually end up sleeping tonight…

**Ajay** : Night, Erin.


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of bankruptcy and emotional abuse

All I could see was red. The anger that flowed through my veins was terrifyingly smooth, leaving my entire body shaking. The news that my mom just told me, well, sobbed to me, left me in awe. In terrible, heart-wrenching, shocking… _awe._

_Sweetie_ , my mom’s sweet and clear voice bellowed through my memory, _I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry, darling._

“Charlotte, you need to calm down. Seriously. I don’t know what’s–” Leila said softly, her hands firm on my shaking shoulders.

At a time like this, I didn’t need her soothing me. I needed her to slap me out of this impending doom that I thought would tear me apart. I needed to get a grip on reality, to comprehend that this entire nightmare was actually happening.

“Leila, do you know what my mom just told me?” I huffed, throwing my phone onto the tidy bed that I had just made. Our first night in New York had started off amazingly, as if it was taken straight out of a movie; we met new and amazing people, found Leila’s wayward bag, explored the dorm building…

Then, when called my mom once we got back to our dorm…everything came crashing down like a colossal, teetering tower of Jenga blocks.

Leila scowled at me then, squeezing my shoulders harder. Her eyes, usually a coffee bean brown, looked inky black when her entire demeanor changed from confused to quite ticked off. I immediately regretted the tone I used, though there was no going back now.

“Does it look like I do? God, you can be so dense sometimes!” Leila stated, glaring right into my eyes with a look that sent a chill down my spine. “Something’s up and you need to tell me immediately.”

This wasn’t something that I thought I could even have the guts to say. But, sooner than I though, words started forming on the tip of my tongue at the speed of light; but one stood out in particular, one chilling me to the bone.

“Bankrupt.”

This set her back, making her hands falter a bit on my shoulders.

“What? Charlotte, I need deta–”

“The diner, Leila.”

The words slowly tore my heart into microscopic pieces. Every notable memory I had from my childhood took place at the diner. I could distinctly remember the scent of buttermilk pancake batter being mixed and the sounds of plates being stacked. I could remember the outside, the bright yellow paint standing out against the lifeless gray colors of the neighborhood that it’s surrounded by.

“T-The Golden Griddle?” Leila asked, confusion consuming her features once more. The intense look in her eyes slowly fizzled out and turned into pure fret. As she’d always been, Leila was not well-composed in these types of situations.

“Yes. There’s just too many complications with the building, too many expenses and so little money…” I sighed sadly. Tears welled in my eyes, though I didn’t need to show Leila that. And so, with a deep breath, I sniffled and shook my head to clear the emotions away. “My dad spent what he could to fix the cheaper things like the light fixtures and seats, but then he got carried away with fixing the rest of the bigger issues. It all added up over time, Leila. Now the diner…the diner doesn’t have anything left.”

The diner had so, so many issues for such a long time. The interior, for as long as I could remember, was small. There were only ten tables, half of those being booths that lined the walls, in total. The kitchen was also considerably compact for the amount of business that the diner would face. My parents always wanted to get around to renovate properly, but could never keep up with the overwhelming amounts of money spent on necessities like ingredients, napkins, utensils, advertisements…so DIY projects and repairs it was.

“But your parents still own it, right? They can bounce back?”

My heart yearned to be at home with my family. Why would I leave? God, I really am dense. Forget school, forget dreams. Home is where I should’ve been when that news was unveiled, not thousands of miles away.

“No. I guess the health inspector said that there were so many things with the building that set off a lot of red flags. He condemned it right on the spot.”

Leila’s eyebrow’s furrowed in thought. It was never easy for me to talk about these things - the serious things - with her. Of course, though, she knew almost everything about me; she knew that I was never the “open book” type and would always need a bit of encouragement to work my way up to talking things through. I’d rather sit and wallow in my misery than get help. The whole mindset had definitely not been ideal for anyone, but that was always the least of my worries.

The moment Leila looked back into my eyes was the moment she started to speak, her voice soft like it was before; again, I didn’t need to be sympathized, I needed to be able to see reason. This whole thing caught me completely off-guard.

Leila whispered, shaking her head, “How did this even happen?”

In high school, a very wise teacher of mine once said that there is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people who ask questions. However, by the looks of it, this was definitely an exception. Even with her ingenious, Leila had just asked one of the stupidest questions known to man. 

She knew exactly how this happened, and has known for years. The Golden Griddle’s financial instability had never, ever been able to be kept secret in a town such as Ceder Cove, no matter how many times my parents tried.

“Oh, wait. Sorry.” Leila stammered, looking up at the ceiling to collect herself.

“It’s fine. I just can’t fathom what my parents are going through right now. Henry, too.” I sighed, stepping back from Leila and letting my shoulders deflate. I slowly sat on the edge of my bed and crossed my legs, my gaze trained on the aged wood floor. “Even if I should, I’m not calling my mom back with more details tonight. This…this is just too much for me to handle right now.”

Leila was silent and I looked up to see her scrolling through her phone. 

Seriously? I cleared my throat to get her attention…but she didn’t even flinch.

“Leila. Are you even listening to me? Or…are you texting Skye?”

Leila’s eyes immediately averted from her phone to look at me. The smallest hint of a blush crept into her cheeks, though she played it off and rolled her eyes.

“Actually, Erin wants to take us shopping for the party next week when we’re available. Check your phone.” Leila stated, a defensive edge in her tone. I was the one to roll my eyes this time.

Now, let’s get this straight; I am not fond of parties. Leila had dragged me to each homecoming, each winter formal, and the two prom nights that we had. My date to prom both years, a guy named Harold Longhorn (a total snob), would not shut up about politics or the “oh-so-stupid” stock market. I only went with him because he said he’d tutor me for free with my AP Euro and AP Chem homework in collateral. Oh, and did I mention that his dad is a major entrepreneur in the Portland area? Wait, that’s unimportant; just like every single party I’ve ever been to in my life. 

“Do I have to go? I’d rather stay here and reread Pride & Prejudice for the millionth time or something that I actually enjoy. Dancing the night away doesn’t sound as interesting to me as my daily dose of Mr. Darcy.”

Leila scoffed and looked over at me again, her eyebrow quirked in such a way that left me a bit uneasy.

“News flash, Charlotte Parker, but Mr. Darcy is fictitious and will not save you from this.” Leila scolded, though she was playful about it. “I’m not letting you stay here because you’re a college girl now and you need to socialize with people other than me!”

“ _Ughhhh,_ ” I groaned, laying down onto my bed and turning away from her and burying my face into my pillow that sadly smelt like home, “you sound just like my mom!”

Leila burst out into laughter that sent a faint chill down my spine. Whatever her plans were, she knew I’d loathe them.

“I’m glad.”

*

*

_August 10th, 2020_

_Dear Diary…_

_Okay. Sorry for the radio silence. Lots has happened over the course of a couple weeks that I need to get off my chest. As Scar would say, be prepared…_

_First off, NYU is amazing. I’ve already met lots of (!!) people, though 4 have become friends! Two girls, two guys: Skye, Erin, Rory, and Ajay. They’re all really down-to-earth and genuinely cool people that I’m getting along with!_

_Rory and Leila are really like two peas in a pod, and so are Skye and Leila. Leila is just a social butterfly, so she honestly gets along with everyone. Erin and Ajay, though, are more mellow and easy-going. Erin is so…laid back? Like she’s the type of person that you could spill your life story to. She’s just so, I don’t know… nonchalant? - definitely in a good way._

_However, I feel more drawn to Ajay; we share similar interests and outlooks on life. He even saw my performance at Spotlite! He’s also a student director here at NYU, so if I do somehow wind up in the show, I’d probably work with him. It even helps that he’s kinda cute, but you didn’t hear that from me._

_Overall, though, the campus is absolutely stunning and the view from our dorm window takes my breath away each and every morning._

_Second, The Golden Griddle is doomed right now due to both bankruptcy and condemnation. My parents are all torn up about it, and to be blatantly honest, so am I. The diner has always been a home away from home, and now that I may have to face losing it forever…_

_Third, I HATE PARTIES. With a deep, burning passion._

_Leila, if you’re reading this, then you can call me George Eacker: piss off because I’m watching this show - also known as Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist - now…well..when you’re at the party! There’s no way in hell that I’m stepping foot into anything resembling a disco or a dance or even, god forbid, a hoedown like that one during our sophomore year. Nope, nope, nope. Over my dead body._

_All in all, I’m having a wonderful time settling into my new life in New York. Of course I miss home, but I also feel like it was time for me to spread my wings and learn to fly!_

_Alright. I gotta run. I’m going shopping. And, yes, it’s regrettably for this pointless party that I’m being forced to go to against my will._

_Talk, er, write soon!_

_Charlotte :)_

*

*

“Ooo, what’re you writing about?” Leila asked, barging back into our slightly messy dorm after finishing with her morning routine. I hastily closed my diary and forced a smile.

“Um, it’s just the address of my uncle’s new house! Mom said to write it down somewhere in case I lost my phone.”

Shoot. Thank God Leila wasn’t really paying much attention to catch how bad of an excuse that was; she just turned her back to me and scavenged through a pile of dirty clothes already heaped in the corner by her closet. It’s been six days since we’ve moved in. I still haven’t really organized nor have I gotten around to calling my parents or Henry with updates about the diner.

“Right, right. He moved a couple days ago. Though, with our plans today, are you ready to go? Erin and Skye are already waiting for us downstairs.” Leila said, grabbing her purse. I gave her a scowl and grabbed my own, sighing as I slung it on my shoulder.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess. But I have one quick question,” I said, finally catching her attention, “why are you wearing those?”

My eyes went to the unscuffed black stilettos on her feet; they had to have been at least 5 inches tall. She laughed and instinctively brought one of her ankles up to rub it as if she’d been in pain. The stilettos were paired with a pair of skinny and holey whitewash jeans and a black Shinedown sweatshirt with a crow and a butterfly printed in white; from what I remember, that was one of the band’s songs.

“I’m wearing these to the party so I figured I’d break them in a little first. And I need to find a dress that looks good with them, so why not?”

“Fair warning, you might actually break something else before you walk a block in those death traps.” I teased, making her huff. This was obviously not something she wanted to hear, but let’s remember who was dragging me to this stupid party in the first place. My sarcasm comes with the territory!

“Jesus, you make it sound like I’m breaking a law! They’re just heels!” Leila laughed, shaking her head. Her hair had been in two Dutch braids, making her outfit even more unique. To each their own, I suppose.

“Just heels that might put you on crutches,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes as I slipped my (comfortable) light pink flip flops on. We headed down to the lobby and quickly spotted Erin, chatting with Rory and Ajay, and Skye standing a little off to the side.

“Ah, there you guys are!” Erin grinned, running over and leading us over to the group.

“I thought this was a girl trip?” I asked, playfully eyeing the guys. Ajay gave a tight-lipped smile and rolled his eyes.

“Oh, don’t worry, it is. We were just heading out to find Rory another outfit that he apparently needs because his six other ones aren’t enough.” Ajay explained, making direct eye contact with me. I could see the different blends of brown tinges in his eyes - the light from both the windows and the bulbs above hitting just the right angles - shimmer behind his glasses. I also noticed that he was wearing a simple green t-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts with black Nike’s. 

~~_Wait, what?_ ~~

“I may have a slight obsession with shopping,” Rory said sheepishly, slowly creeping away from the group, “but I also need something fresh. I can’t be seen in the same maroon shirt that I wore to–”

Ajay’s groan interrupted him but he followed in Rory’s footsteps with a small shrug. “We’ll be going now. Have fun.”

I immediately felt myself missing his eyes. The brown sparkles that caught my own. Was it so wrong to find his eyes…gorgeous? Didn’t think so.

As they waved goodbye, Leila migrated from my side to Skye’s. The redhead looked particularly sad today, but let out the slightest trace of a smile when Leila started talking to her.

“So, where’re we going to go first, o’ wise Erin?” I asked, turning to her. She looked a bit lost in thought, a bit dazed when our eyes met, but I could tell she regained herself before she answered.

“Well, I thought we’d take a trip to The Shops today,” Erin said smugly, her hand resting on her hip, “we can take an Uber in case we want to make other stops along the way!”

Skye visibly revolted at the thought, her arms tightening around her chest and her glower intensifying. The way her blue eyes darkened was just a bit unsettling, too.

“Okay. Sounds good…” I sighed, gripping my leather purse strap a bit tighter.

“Sure,” Skye groaned, “good. Great. Grand. Just how I wanted to spend my day.”

*

*

The nearby mall, The Shops, had a wide array of stores that we buzzed in and out of, Erin and Leila eagerly leading the way.

“You know,” I said, looking over at Skye, “I really don’t understand why we need new clothes for this party.”

Skye shrugged. “Me neither. I never really had to get new clothes for the banquets that I went to as a kid with my parents.” 

I instantly noticed that her hands were in tight fists at her sides.

“What do your parents do?” I asked, trying to keep her talking. I really wanted to get to know her better; she was still such a mystery and I was destined to change that.

Though, the bitter grimace she gave at the question was all the hint that I needed to know that I’d said something wrong, maybe even crossed a line.

“They do nothing but make a lot of money and prioritize themselves over anything else, even their own kids.”

Oh, wow. I blinked rapidly, willing my brain to say, something, anything, to break the agonizing silence building between us.

“Oh. I’m sorry I brought it up.” I stammered, though she shook her head.

“It’s okay. It’s just…not something I really like to talk about.” Skye sighed, almost ruefully. Despite my pending curiosity, I left the topic be.

“What’re you here in New York to do, Skye?” I asked instead, hoping to lighten her spirits a little. When she looked back over at me, she gave me a neutral expression.

“Graphics,” Skye stated, her tone firm and assured, “I want to be a graphics designer.”

“That’s really interesting. Have you designed anything yourself?”

Sadly, before I could hear her answer, Erin and Leila gasped in unison and pointed to a store. A quick glance at the shop name was enough to make me roll my eyes.

“Windsor! Yes!” Leila squealed, bolting into the store without a second thought. Erin rushed after her, gesturing for Skye and I to follow.

Several racks of dresses filled the store and even lined the walls, some popping with bright color and some glittering with infinite sparkle. I watched Leila pluck several dresses off their racks and fold them over her arm, shaking my head.

“Wow, look at this abomination.” Skye murmured, plucking a dress made of plastic (well, not literally, but basically) off the rack. It was a flamingo pink and looked like something a Barbie doll would wear. A laugh escaped her as she sifted through and pulled out the other options, the colors ranging from a vibrant cobalt to a neon yellow.

“I’ve always wanted to be Barbie disguised as a highlighter! Skye, how’d you know?” I giggled, taking a resembling green one off the same rack. My poor eyes ached at the sight of all the vivid colors.

“Pure intuition, obviously.” Skye responded, putting the dresses back on the rack. “Jeez, I could never wear any of these.”

I could agree; I would never be able to pull any of these off. Also, it didn’t help that they were so effervescent and looked severely uncomfortable. (I mean, how do you even move in that kind of material?)

“Me neither,” I said wistfully, plucking another dress off a nearby rack. It was a black sweetheart-necklined dress that cut off at (what I’d say) the knee. It had some lace detailing on the straps and a few sparkles scattered across both the bodice and the skirt. It wasn’t over-the-top, nor was it boring…

I held it up to Skye, making her jump back a little with surprise. I giggled and closed an eye, coming to a conclusion about how this dress would look incredible on her.

“Whoa, what’re–” Skye asked, her eyes widening. I smiled warmly and laid it over her arm.

“I think this is a good option for you, and I’m guessing your a 4?” I smirked, watching her gape in both confusion and amusement.

“How’d you…know?”

“Pure intuition, obviously.” I playfully mocked, making her crack a tiny smile. As we continued throughout the store, we came across a few more ridiculously bright options, thankfully not made out of a faux plastic. 

About five minutes into our little exploration, I spotted a dress; it was a silvery mauve skater dress with a flowing skirt and spaghetti straps. By some sort of force, it spoke to me.

“That’s pretty,” Skye said, nodding in approval as I held it up, “ it definitely speaks ‘girl who can read minds’ to me.”

Oh jeez, she’s cool. She’s really cool.

“Perfect, it’s just what I’m looking for, then,” I joked, folding the dress over my arm and walking further into the store. Erin and Leila, practically having the time of their lives, had their arms brimming with dresses that ranged from super glittery to extremely bright. I could swear I could see a familiar highlighter yellow in Leila’s stack, but that could just be my mind playing tricks on me.

Speaking of Leila, I stifled a giggle as I watched her wobble around in her stilettos, grimacing whenever she walked too fast. Not to say I told you so, Leila, I thought, but…I told you so.

“Ladies!” Erin squealed, pointing back to the dressing room area with her free hand. “Let’s go try these on!”

*

*

“How about this masterpiece?” Leila giggled, sauntering out of the dressing room. Erin burst into laughter, Skye rolled her eyes, and I, well…

“Oh my God, Leila…” I playfully gagged, covering my eyes. Turns out that she really did pick out a highlighter dress to try on. After a few laughs, she turned around and changed into a royal blue dress with a deep V neckline. It was sparkly, sassy, and overall…very Leila.

*

*

“Wow, you look great, Skye!” I cheered, giving her two thumbs-up as she examined herself in the mirror. The dress was a perfect fit and she seemed to be comfortable in it. Her hands idly fiddled with the skirt, experimentally flicking it back and forth in thought.

“It seriously looks amazing on you!” Erin smiled, nodding with approval. Skye gave me a small, appreciative smile in the mirror.

I took a quick glance over at Leila and was met with her wide eyes and deep red cheeks.

*

*

“Charlotte, phew, you look hot!” Leila whistled, gesturing for me to spin around. I didn’t really gush over the “dream dress” as much as I had hoped. In fact, the more I looked at it, the more I disliked it.

“Maybe we can find a different color?” I said, looking back at Erin’s face; she definitely did not like it. She shot up out of her chair and came back a moment later with a similar option. It was the same style of dress but in a jade green shade instead. It was also not as shimmery, but more dull and had ruffles on the neckline.

I ducked back into the dressing room and quickly changed. With just a glance at myself now, I knew I found the one. I stepped back out and saw everyone’s face light up.

“Yup,” Erin said smugly as she crossed her legs, “that’s the one.”

*

*

Erin walked out in a tight-fitting midi white dress that popped against her flawless chocolate brown skin. It had a plunging V-neck and a small slit on the left side that climbed all the way up toward the middle of her thigh. Needless to say…she was killing it.

“Now I just need some hoops…” Erin mumbled as she examined herself. Leila looked over at me and just gaped.

“Stunning!” I said, and Erin gave me a warm and self-satisfied smile.

*

*

Finally, we were heading home in an Uber. But because of how long the shopping took, we decided to stop and get some ice cream from a local parlor; all after persuading the driver to wait for us with a hefty tip.

Erin munched on a mixture of raspberry and vanilla, Leila got creamsicle all over her face, Skye picked at her brownie swirl, and I delightfully ate two scoops of cake batter.

“So. Are you two excited about going to this party now?” Erin asked, eyeing Skye and I. At the same time, we both shook our heads.

“New dress, same feelings.” Skye sighed, looking down into her dish. I nodded in agreement only to hear a dramatic sigh from Leila.

“You two will have fun. We’ll find fun things for you guys!” Leila grinned, glancing at Erin. The two shared a look that, like all the times before, sent a chill down my spine.

“You guys can’t make us have fun.” Skye said, figuring her face was serious; but I looked over to see a teasing smirk on her face.

“Well, we can sure as hell try! Besides, what do you guys have against parties?” Erin said, her tone a bit more tame then it was before. My eyes averted from theirs, and without looking, I could tell Skye was doing the same.

Awkward silence wracked the table for what seemed like hours before Skye spoke up.

“You can thank my parents for being the pessimistic and narcissistic assholes that they are. My distaste originates from them.” Skye said, her teasing tone completely replaced with a hiss. She spoke in a mumbled tone, as if she wished she didn’t want to speak.

“I’ve just never been really…happy with the ones I’ve gone to in the past.” I added awkwardly. I thought about the one good party I went to…and of course it had to be from the diner. Emotions bubbled in my throat and were about to escape before Leila (thankfully) interjected with a disapproving groan.

Then, right after, all three of us got looks of unbridled hope and amusement from Erin.

“That’s going to change because, dearest freshmen, you’ve never experienced a party quite like a college party.”

_And it can stay that way_ , I thought.

*

*

The rest of the ice cream was eaten alongside lighter conversation, and then, _FINALLY_ , we were back in the dorms.

The afternoon flew as I decided to buckle down and unpack the remainder of my things. Leila went to hang out with Erin and Skye (without heels, if you were wondering) as I slaved away at stacking my t-shirts in my closet, that is until I got a knock at my door.

As soon as I opened it, I saw a familiar pair of gorgeous eyes lock onto mine.

“Hi, I know this is kinda weird,” Ajay said casually, “ but I have a question for you.”

I leaned against the door, praying I didn’t look like an uncoordinated mess. “It’s not weird at all, actually. Shoot.”

God, his eyes are just breathtaking in any and every way. Was it weird to be obsessing over an acquaintance’s eyes like this? _Yes_ , I thought, _yes it was_.

“Well, since we really don’t want to go to the party, I was hoping we could try to get something out of it?”

What does he mean? If we didn’t want to go, what good would we be able to get out of it?

I tipped my head a bit to the side in curiosity and felt some of my blonde hair come loose from its bun.

“Let me escort you. To the party.”

Wait, was that an actual thing? _An escort to a college party_? No way. It sounded so childlike, almost like something an elementary kid would say.

“Hang on. Do you mean, like, as a date?” I asked, my tone packing more intensity than I had hoped. His eyes widened and he shook his head.

“No, no. I just want to get to know you better. I thought that this would be a better option than hunting you down in a huge mass of drunk people and ending up not being able to find you.” Ajay explained, a light smile tugging at his lips. “So…?”

Maybe spending the night with someone with the same ideals as me would make the night less dreadful, perhaps even fun. I barely gave the idea a thought before words left my mouth. 

“Sure, Ajay, I’ll be your _escort_.”


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of adoption, implication of underage drinking.

“Rory?” I asked, my voice a bit helpless sounding as I stood in front of my bare closet. Despite the few new additions I’d added to it from the shopping trip we took a few days ago, it’d always look bland in comparison to the exotic colors emanating from Rory’s closet and throughout his side of the room. Bright posters that now hung on the walls, a bright bedspread, bright decorations on his desk…then you have my half.

Anyway, I turned to him and looked at him expectantly - showing off my new dark grey blazer paired with a dark green button-down tee - to make sure the outfit was approved. “What about this?”

I could see the disgust in his eyes right away.

“Okay, never show up to any college party looking like a professor,” Rory stated, his tone serious. “To clarify, that means you need to get rid of the blazer.”

I frowned a bit at that, but that was beside the point. I took the blazer off and was left with just the dark green button-down and my skinny casual black jeans.

“Better?”

Rory gave me a look that immediately gave me my answer. “I mean, it definitely looks like something you’d wear normally.”

“Jeez, Rory, I never would’ve guessed,” I sighed, shaking my head. Rory still didn’t look impressed with my blazer-free look, so he gave a frown and came closer. His own outfit consisted of a light blue button-down with a black and white striped tie - a literal bow tie, mind you - and he said I looked like a professor while he’d been on the same level?

“You need…more. Something with more pizzazz. Maybe a tie…or…” Rory mumbled, deep in thought.

Why did I ask for his help again?

“The blaz–”

“Oh, for the love of god, Ajay, _forget about the blazer!_ ”

I huffed and rolled my eyes.

“Then what? What do I need for a party that I’m going to be at the outskirts of all night?” I asked, an edge in my voice that made my cheeks warm. I could tell that Rory noticed because he was smirking.

“Wait, not even to play pool? That’s always your escape at parties. You love winning against all those drunk jocks we see.” Rory chided, narrowing his eyes before he gasped. 

“You’re trying to impress someone, aren’t you?”

My eyes involuntarily widened and the warmth in my cheeks grew to become scorching. This was a reaction enough to make Rory gasp again, though now with understanding.

Jesus, this was absolutely maddening–

“It’s Charlotte, isn’t it? The girl you talked to on our first night here?” Rory cheered, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, “Ajay, this is great!”

Great? Great? He thinks that…that this is great? I can barely find something to wear without embarrassing myself! God, and to think that I’m her–

“I’m her _escort_ , Rory!” I shouted, catching him by surprise for a brief second. Then, by the looks of his face, it only added fuel to his way-too-excited fire.

“Why not just ask her out? I’d help you.” Rory asked, his demeanor calming. I groaned and looked up to admire the disgusting popcorn ceiling to collect myself.

“I want to get to know her, Rory, not date her,” I explained, “she’s a theater kid, remember?”

I looked back down to see Rory’s eyes grow sad. “Oh. Right.”

“I can’t do that to myself again. That was hell.” I said softly, shaking my head and turning back to my closet, trying to dismiss the horrid memories of my first year at NYU to no avail.

All in all, I let myself fall for a lead. Her name was Kelly. She was breathtaking; her acting, her personality, her everything was just enough to make me fall head over heels in love with her. I tried to push down the feelings, push them down so far into the depths of my heart, but it didn’t work. I would compliment her, help her, make her laugh, make her smile…

She fell for someone else. That someone else being the other lead in our show. _He_ would compliment her, _he_ would help her, _he_ would do all these things to make her fall in love with him. He was such an ass, too, because he broke her heart over the tiniest squabble. It made her quit the show, and without her, nothing worked.

The whole situation eventually made our show explode into a massive disappointment. We failed all because I couldn’t keep my feelings to myself, then I let my heart shatter. It was terrible, and to prevent anything like that from happening ever again, I made a rule. No romances, no love, nothing more than being friends within the cast. It protected everyone and everything from being corrupted.

I pulled out my plain black tie, the one I usually wore to an opening night for a show, and tied it around my neck. I didn’t make it super tight, but it still felt hard to breathe.

“So, I want to be friends with her. Just to be…safe.”

Deep within my heart, though, something didn’t feel right about the statement.

“Ajay, you gotta let that go. I know it’s a sore spot, but have you considered loosening your rule? Just go with the flow and see how tonight goes.” Rory said, patting my shoulder. He always had the wildest ideas, but by some force, they always worked. Hopefully this was the wildest, most idiotic idea because I really needed wanted it to work.

“Should I? What…what if I let things go too far?” 

~~_If I give in like I did two years ago?_ ~~

There was a pitiful quiver in my voice that I absolutely regretted. The sound reminded me of freshman year, though instead I was talking about this with Erin.

“No such thing, director man,” Rory smiled, walking back over to his side of the room, “you’ll know if you’ve gone too far.”

*

*

_Dear Diary…_

_August 14th, 2020_

_Kinda surprised I wrote in this thing again. But, to reiterate, I did say that I’d keep tabs on the interesting stuff floating around my life. So._

_I’ve been getting flashbacks to my freshman year at NYU a lot lately. I’ve met new friends just like I did that year, I’ve broadened my horizons (the tiniest amount, almost microscopic.), and I’ve…been thinking a lot about the “Kelly situation”. I’ll elaborate on it later, but the main thing about it was how I fell for a girl and let my heart break._

_Ignore how poetic that sounded._

_Anyway, these new friends that I’ve met, they’re all new to NYU._

_First, you have Skye. She’s definitely a girl with a lot of emotion. One day she’ll be cracking jokes left and right and then another she’ll barely move her eyes from the floor. She’s a girl that has a knack for anything dealing with technology; I considered asking her about becoming a tech for the show in fall, but held off because of her fluctuating mood. She’s friendly, a little scary at first, but all around someone that I want to get to know and befriend._

_Second, you have Leila. And, oh my god, she is a firecracker exploding with energy, high spirits, and so many opinions. She’s definitely adjusting well into college life (she already knows a good chunk of the people in our building?). I don’t know how to have a conversation with her…so I’ve kind of avoided her? She’s not obnoxious, but definitely outspoken._

_Last, but definitely not least, you have Charlotte…and she is, by far, one of the coolest people I’ve ever met? She and I have a lot in common. She’s interested in theater, has a great personality, and even prefers to read a book instead of going to a party. Isn’t that wild? She’s really pleasant and lots of fun to be around. I can’t wait to get to know her as the year goes on, maybe even be her director in the fall show if I’m lucky._

_These descriptions have really been all I’ve done the past couple days. I’ve wanted to do something to keep myself preoccupied to keep my thoughts from roaming to think about home._

_I honestly need to figure out that whole situation. Maybe I can convince Erin or someone to come with me._

_Okay, that’s all I’ve got for now. Just observations about new acquaintances and family drama. I need to go escort Charlotte to this party that neither of us want to go to…so let me sign out before Rory rips this book out of my hand._

_Ajay_

*

*

As I took a deep breath, I knocked on her door. I heard a little bit of movement from the inside, and then…

“Ajay!” Charlotte beamed, her lips coated with a dark shade of lipstick, “Hi!”

“Hey,” I breathed, releasing the breath I took in only moments before as I surveyed her dress - her green dress and her beat up white Chuck Taylor’s - with wide eyes, “wow, I thought you hated parties?”

She laughed, and for the first time, it sounded genuine.

“Parties, yes,” Charlotte nodded, taking her purse and swinging it onto her shoulder, “but dressing up? No. It’s one of my favorite things to do.”

After I didn’t say anything, she piped up again. “Plus, you can’t say anything with that nice tie of yours. I thought you hated parties?”

She’s snarky. But also…sweet?

“Observant, much?”

“It’s my job as your escort to be Captain Obvious,” Charlotte explained, swinging the door shut behind her, “and it’s also my job to annoy you. I just killed two birds with one stone, right?”

“Nope,” I laughed, digging my hands into my pockets as we walked to the elevator, “you’re going to have to irk me a lot more than that to even mildly bother me.”

I felt her shoulder bump my arm. God, she wasn’t even tall enough to bump her shoulder into mine.

“Guess I’ll need to up my game then. I used to be a cheerleader, so I can start doing some cheers for you.”

“That won’t be–”

“Here’s one, here’s two, let’s see-what we-can do! Take the room and bust a move, let’s see what we can do!” She cheered, running a bit ahead to throw her hands in the air. I stifled a laugh as she started to do jazz hands, looking me right in the eye.

“What the hell are you–” I laughed, unable to contain it, before she cut me off again.

“It’s time, it’s time, it’s time to get fired up! It’s now, not never, we don’t have forever!” Charlotte cheered again, though this time she acted like she had pom poms in her hands.

She’s a natural goofball.

Through my confused laughter, I asked, “What kind of cheers were those?”

She pressed the button for the elevator, clearly proud of herself, and turned back to me with a small grin.

“They’re creative. You just make em’ up right on the spot, kinda like improv…but way less challenging and a little more fun.” Charlotte said, acting like it was obvious that she pulled those phrases out of nowhere. Though, before I could ask how she even generated the words to rhyme in so little time, the elevator door opened and she walked on.

“Well? You coming, old man?”

I blinked and shook my head. “Old man?”

Charlotte nodded again. “I need to push your buttons somehow, four-eyes. I’m examining the terrain.”

Determined. She’s…determined, too. 

These were all things that I gravitated towards during my freshman year. Snarkiness, humor, determination, kindness…

_Oh no._

*

*

The party was held at a fraternity on campus, and, somehow, we managed to get there in one piece. Our entire group - Rory, Skye, Erin, Leila, Charlotte, and I - stepped into the house, already overwhelmed with the strong scent of alcohol and the deep rattle of the bass from the speakers. The lights were dim, though I could definitely tell that the rooms all around were pretty crowded.

“Yes! Skye, you’re sticking with me, right?” Leila squealed, turning to a very unenthused Skye. She gave me a pleading look, though looked away at the last second to nod.

“Sure.” Skye said. I could see the start of a smile as Leila took her arm and led her into the crowd, so that was good. She wasn’t completely dreading this party, and if she was, she was pretty good at hiding it.

Erin grabbed Rory’s arm and started to drag him through the crowd. “You ready to do this thing, partner?”

Before they completely disappeared, he gave me a look and flicked his eyes over to Charlotte before winking, almost as if he was wishing me luck.

“Let’s shred that dance floor, Erin.”

Without a warning, they were gone…leaving me alone with Charlotte once more.

“Well,” Charlotte yelled to me over the volume of the speakers, “what do we do now?”

“Get some drinks and go somewhere tame,” I shouted back, and she nodded. Her hair, down in natural waves, was so close to being drenched in a blue liquid just then, and so I took her arm and hightailed it out of there.

Also, I definitely did not ignore how soft her skin was underneath my fingertips.

*

*

“ _Wow_ , this is definitely, without a doubt, spiked lemonade. Holy crap.” Charlotte giggled, her face contorting into a pucker after a sip from her red Solo cup. “Why is it so strong?”

It didn’t even look like lemonade, so I took a peek at the tag on the dispenser to confirm my suspicion. It read ‘Blue Bombsicle’.

Bingo.

“That’s because it’s a combo of lemonade and blue raspberry vodka.” I said, shrugging as I got my own. I took a sip and reeled back a bit; yup, this was definitely familiar. I got drunk off of these sometime during the last semester of freshman year at a party Erin threw (I felt obligated to go), and let’s just say that I don’t remember getting back to my dorm that night.

“It’s actually pretty good!” Charlotte smiled, taking a larger sip from her cup. She still puckered, but she kept smiling. “I’ve never really had…alcohol before.”

“Really? Not even a sip of wine?” I was honestly shocked, though I also…wasn’t.

“No! My parents always told me that the police would break down the door and arrest me if I did!” Charlotte laughed, swinging her hand around to justify her point. “I’m still waiting for that door to break down!”

I wasn’t shocked because she’s a literal goody-two-shoes.

“Relax,” I said, nudging her arm with my elbow, “just don’t get too wasted and you should be fine. I’ll even drink the same things as you, if you want. So then, if it comes down to it, we can get busted together.”

Charlotte looked up at me with amusement in her eyes. Even in the dim light, I could see the different tinges of blue whirling around with the familiar freshman wonder. But it was more than that, it was contentment, it was understanding. I could tell, just by the look in her eyes, that she trusted that I would.

“So that wouldn’t annoy you?” Charlotte questioned, arching her brow as she took another sip from her cup. I shook my head.

“Nope. Nice try, though.”

She feigned a look of disappointment and rolled her eyes, the dark glitters on her eyelids sparkling just enough to keep my eyes focused on her.

“Damn.”

*

*

Another conversation, another drink. Charlotte and I cradled yellow cups with mimosas.

“So. Favorite game?” Charlotte asked as she swirled her cup around, her eyes trained on the dart match that’d been happening. I recognized a few of the players; Lorenzo - a football guy who was in my dorm building last year, Clint - a key part of any ensemble I put together, and Natalie - Clint’s best friend.

“You need to hit the _target_ , Clint! Not the _wall_!” Natalie stuttered, leaning against Lorenzo as she hiccuped. She spilt a little bit of something from her cup onto the hardwood floor.

“God, I’m trying! But my foot keep slipping!” Clint nagged. He sounded quite sober, but still held a cup in his hand.

“Ex-Excuses, excuses! Watch and learn!” Lorenzo hiccupped, taking over for Clint. He could barely reel back and aim before he started to sway on his feet. Though, to my surprise, he threw the dart and it landed on the outside ring of the target.

“HA! Take _that_!” Natalie giggled, poking Clint’s side, “He’s a _pro_!”

Clint laughed, letting Natalie lean on him so she didn’t fall.

“Definitely not darts,” I answered, shaking my head at the scene, “but I’d have to say pool.”

“Really?” Charlotte laughed, her eyes widening. “I love pool! I love darts, too, but… _pool_!”

The odds of me completely holding back had been dwindling all night, and I think that this is where I should finally let my concerns go.

“Huh. Are you any good?”

Charlotte quickly nodded. “Best in the state of Oregon!”

“We’ll see. You’re in my state now, don’t forget that.” I smirked, nodding over to the empty pool table in a mostly unoccupied area. Her gaze switched from mine to the area, and she gave a mischievous smile.

“If I remember correctly, your state is technically Maryland. This is fair playing ground, sir.”

She’d already started to walk over to the pool table, a bit of a wobble in her step that she didn’t seem to notice.

I quickly located the cue sticks and handed one to her, knowing full well that she had no chance of beating me. I’ve been playing this expertly since elementary school. “Fine, then. We’ll see how you fare…”

We quickly set up the table and I let her kick us off. She brushed her loose blonde waves to one side, letting them cascade down to touch the table as she skillfully aimed right towards the center of the untouched triangle. On impact, the cue ball sent the balls rolling across the green. A solid almost got into a pocket, but thank goodness it didn’t have enough momentum.

“You’re up, old man.” Charlotte grinned, stepping back and taking a swig from her cup. Her confidence was a little intimidating, to be honest, but I strode up and took aim on the solid she almost got and sank it with deft ease.

“I get solids, you take stripes,” I smirked, my tone smug. A brief look of challenge flashed through her eyes, though it was quickly replaced with her usual happy-go-lucky glitter of blue.

“You’re the one who asked for it…”

*

*

After ten minutes, she’d been winning by one. But, lucky for me, the eight ball was right in the way of a stripe that was lined up.

“Maybe you should hit that one,” I said nonchalantly, pointing to the eight ball, “you know, to get this one in.”

Charlotte gave me a playful roll of her eyes. “Yeah, I should become president while I’m at it, too,” She aimed for another stripe instead, not knocking any in, “not gonna happen.”

It was then that I realized that I really didn’t care about winning anymore.

*

*

“One wasn’t enough for you?” Charlotte giggled, poking my arm after I sank two solids in a center pocket, “I mean, there is a such thing as playing fair!”

She hadn’t been winning anymore - I only had two balls left (including the eight-ball, of course) as opposed to her four - and I could tell she was getting a little sassier by the second.

“I am playing fair,” I chided, giving her a grin that wouldn’t have appeared if it weren’t for the alcohol, “you just can’t keep up. You poor thing.”

That did it; her entire demeanor changed as she took her aim, her shoulders tensing and her eyes narrowing.

“You’ll see who can’t keep up after this,” Charlotte grumbled, sending the cue ball to ricochet off the side and hit my last solid into a corner pocket. I immediately started to laugh, almost uncontrollably, at the sight of her bewildered face.

“Sorry to inform you, but you’re still losing. Thanks for the help!” I laughed, leaning on the table so I didn’t fall over. I was definitely buzzed, but not wasted.

“You’re not welcome.”

*

*

Without much surprise, she didn’t recover from her mistake. I won that next turn.

“Gah! I can’t believe this! Pool is such a scam. A complete commercial mistake!” Charlotte rambled, though she could barely speak without hiccupping. She’d downed the rest of her mimosa in spite of my victory.

“We’ll do a rematch after we get some water. It’ll help with the hiccups.” I said, unable to wipe my smile off my face. It was seriously the best victory I’d ever had.

Charlotte nodded and looked towards the stairs, crowded with people. “Is there a way to go outside? It’s so crowded in here and I’m getting a little woozy just standing here.”

“Yeah, for sure. Let’s go.”

We squeezed past people on the stairs and got back to a very loud and dense throng of people. I could barely see the kitchen, but I felt Charlotte’s hand wrap around mine.

This could be the alcohol talking, but this felt…natural. Almost as if we’d held hands a million times.

“Look! It’s Leila and Skye!” Charlotte shouted, pointing with her free hand in the direction of the kitchen. Leila looked more than wasted, and Skye looked like she’d been entertained. She was laughing hard at something Leila said, nearly spilling her drink.

Instead of responding, I parted the sea of students and quickly got us to the kitchen, the thumps of bass from the speakers reverberating throughout the room.

“Hey, I-I know you guys!” Leila stuttered, stumbling over to us with a large smile and a red cup filled with a dark liquid in her hand. She immediately pulled Charlotte into a hug and moved back to…boop my nose. How odd. “You seem t-to be enjoying yourselves.”

“I’d say we’re having a mediocre time,” Charlotte giggled, eyeing me, “he beat me at pool.”

Leila instantly smacked my arm, hard, and gave me a frown. “You are supposed to let the g-girl _win_ , you bozo!”

Skye walked over and patted Charlotte’s shoulder. “I bet she put up a hell of a fight,” The redhead gave Charlotte a knowing smile, “Did you read his mind?”

“Nah, I played fairly.” Charlotte winked, making me roll my eyes. Leila gave a loud sigh, probably meaning that something else was on her mind. I’ve known her for barely two weeks and could tell she didn’t really have a long attention span.

“Charlotte, d-does he know yet? About you?”

Whoa, what?

I turned to Charlotte to see her eyes blown wide. “I have no idea what you mean, Leila. Speci–”

“Your adoption, genius!” Leila blurted, making Charlotte gasp. I arched an eyebrow and heard the people around us quiet down.

“ _Leila!_ Seriously?” Charlotte gasped, looking up at me with panicked eyes, “Why would you…why would you say that?”

Skye and I met each other’s gaze, immediately realizing that this was definitely not good.

“You looked like y-you two were getting close, so I h-had to remind you to say the important stuff. You always n-need a little motivation.”

Charlotte looked anxious, but beneath it, she looked angry. Furious, even. “No, Leila, why did you say it in the _middle of a party_ that I just so happened to be enjoying?”

Oh, jeez. This wasn’t going to be pretty. I should say something, but I’m scared that Leila would smack me again.

“To keep him interested! You can be quite bland sometimes.” Leila said, shrugging. I watched as Charlotte visibly snapped; it was much like her reaction during the pool game, but it definitely was a lot more rage-filled.

“God, Leila, why do you always do this?” Charlotte growled, getting into Leila’s face, “You always turn my personal life into yours! Leave me alone for once!”

Leila was going to have quite an awakening from Charlotte tomorrow given her reaction.

“Then stop acting so damn _h-helpless_ and _stupid_ all the time and then maybe I wouldn’t have to intervene!”

That did it. The raging fire in Charlotte’s eyes fizzled out and her shoulders sank with defeat. She stepped back from Leila and looked at Skye, giving her an almost pained look.

“Right, because I’m the problem.” Charlotte whispered, tugging on my arm. “We…let’s go outside.”

I gave a baffled Skye a shrug and quickly found two water bottles, then led us out the front door. 

*

*

The night ended up being mild, save for a light breeze that made me regret not having a blazer to offer Charlotte. Stupid Rory.

We sat on the steps, side-by-side, and sipped from our water bottles.

“Um, I’m sorry about…Leila. She has no restraint when she’s drunk.” Charlotte sighed, shaking her head. “Especially when it comes to things that she should keep to herself.”

“You’ve seen her drunk before?” I asked softly, keeping my surprise to myself. Charlotte gave a dry laugh.

Her happiness from the rest of the night seemed to be gone.

“Only a few times,” Charlotte explained, her tone growing quieter, “she went through a rough breakup in our freshman year of high school, leading to a lot of bad habits. She got better after she went to therapy.”

I hummed, then was silent for a minute to give her time to think before I responded. “You’re not boring, by the way. At least not from what I’ve seen.”

She laughed a bit at that, loosening a knot in my stomach.

“Thanks. You’re not boring, either.” Charlotte said softly, turning to smile at me ~~and taking my breath away for the briefest moment~~. “You’re really nice, Ajay. I’m glad I met you.”

Again, alcohol was quite the substance. I’ve never really been the ‘nice’ type with acquaintances. “I could say the same to you,” I responded, giving her a wink, “I’m also sorry I showed you up during that pool game. It’s a habit.”

She shook her head and bumped her shoulder playfully into mine.“No worries. You earned it for getting me out of my comfort zone. Next time, though, I won’t be so forgiving." 

I gave her a sarcastic eye roll and she laughed again for a second before she sighed.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked, looking out into the dark street lit by streetlights. A car drove by before she spoke.

“About how I’m adopted,” Charlotte cringed. I could see her look down at her beat up Chuck Taylor’s in the corner of my eye. “That’s not how I wanted you to find out, or anyone for that matter.”

It’s like two sips of water sobered her up; I looked over and saw her clear blue eyes, unfazed as if she hadn’t drank at least five cups of various alcohol over the span of a few hours.

“My biological parents got in a fatal accident when my twin brother and I were just over a year old. We were adopted a few months after that by a materialistic couple, but that didn’t really work out when we got older. They put us up for adoption again when we were four, and by some sort of miracle, our current foster parents came along and adopted us.”

"Usually I’m strong about it and usually I can keep myself from letting it get to me,” Charlotte explained, now subconsciously fidgeting with the cap on her water bottle, “but when it comes up in a conversation so unexpectedly…I panic. Bad memories come back so quickly and I always feel like I’m an outlier in society all over again.”

I shook my head, more to myself than to her. 

It was always disgusting to know that people are so brash, so callous, towards a situation that someone couldn’t change. But to ridicule someone for a decision that they couldn’t avoid?

This was just another reminder about how nasty the world could be. No one deserves to be treated like that. 

Charlotte doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.

I was snapped back to reality when she awkwardly cleared her throat. “My brother is more sensitive to the whole thing than I am. That basically toughened me up; people would pick on him and I would always be his shield.”

Not only was she quirky and sweet, but she was also strong. Just with this information I could tell she’d had her fair share of trauma.

“Do you miss your brother?” I asked, trying to lighten this (extremely depressing) conversation. She immediately nodded and took a deep breath.

“More and more each day,” She whispered, “I feel like I still need to protect him from the vultures in Ohio.” I gave her a confused look and she instantly gasped. “Oh, he’s at Ohio State on a football scholarship.”

“That’s impressive,” I quipped, “but I bet you’d rather him be here where you can defend him?”

She only nodded, and I could only think about Mohit. About Amma. About Jim. About the divorce. About the huge hug Mo gave me the day I left for college. About Amma’s tearful goodbye to my dad as the divorce was finalized.

You know, everything that I wanted to bury and deal with another day (such as the day of that visit I’m supposed to take to their house?) was already overwhelming. So, to avoid drowning in that tsunami of memories, I spoke.

“I know the feeling,” I added quickly to dismiss the thoughts, “my little brother always keeps my hands full.”

Charlotte smiled again, ruefully, and gave a halfhearted laugh.

“I’m sorry for putting a downer on the night. I don’t usually get so emotional about my adoption stuff.” Charlotte piped, shaking her head. “Thanks for listening to my rant, though. I haven’t told many people the entire story, so you should consider yourself lucky.”

_Lucky is one word for it_ , I thought.

Wait, what?

“Anytime,” I smiled, finishing off the bottle of water in my hand then crushing the bottle. “Can I challenge you to another game of pool? On equal terms this time?”

She gave me a snide grin that left me a bit suspicious, and after a moment of thought, she stuck her hand out for me to shake. I took her hand gingerly and her smile grew.

“You’re on, old man,” Right as we started to shake hands, she added, “and if I win, you have to dance with me. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.”

Of course there was an ulterior motive. Why wouldn’t there be? She always had a surprise up her sleeve, no matter the situation. And so, I gave her a challenging smirk. 

Why was I so damn influenced by alcohol? These odd reactions were starting to both confuse and concern me.

“Well, if I win, you have to dance with me.” I teased, watching her roll her eyes as she stood.

“C’mon, let’s do this before I chicken out,” Charlotte laughed, “because these bets are oh so intimidating.”

*

*

Crazy how I didn’t win that rematch. I ~~purposefully~~ hit the eight-ball when I still had solids on the board, and Charlotte danced around victoriously for a good ten minutes. After that, she pulled me out onto the dance floor by a death grip on my arm, the loud song making her start to jump around instantly. It was pretty nice, actually. I found myself jumping along with her and screaming the words to some song I didn’t actually know. I just felt free for the first time in a while.

It almost made me forget about everything going on; about how I really shouldn’t be allowing myself to do this - be careless, that is, about how I should’ve visited my family sooner…

Almost.


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: brief implication of underage drinking, brief mention of adoption.

_Dear Diary…_

_August 15th, 2020 at 4:39 AM_

_Okay. That party had no right to be that fun._

_Is this the alcohol talking? Probably. It wouldn’t surprise me._

_Ajay and I had talked all night long and I learned so much about him. He was a god at pool, wasn’t a huge fan of mimosas (he isn’t too keen on champagne), and couldn’t play darts correctly._

_It was pretty interesting, too, to see him smile at me whenever he thought I wasn’t looking. I probably shouldn’t have written that. Oh well!_

_He learned a lot about me, too. And, when I say that, I mean that he learned about my adoption in the worst possible way. It was equal parts embarrassing and infuriating to just stand there and act like it didn’t faze me. I was furious with Leila._

_She just casually brought it up in a conversation like ‘oh, just because you two are getting close means that he needs to know that you have no idea who your biological parents are!_

_Though, when Ajay and I talked it through, he seemed to understand. He was one of the only people to understand. In the history of my life, he was the ONLY person to completely accept me._

_Odd? Definitely. Reassuring? Definitely._

_Another thing I learned about him was that he had a little brother. He didn’t say anything about him, but I could tell that he had a similar bond with him like I had with Henry._

_Maybe that’s another reason why we get along so well? We’re both protective siblings and have many things against parties? We both like theater? We can both kick some ass at pool?_

_I’ll shut up now._

_Let’s say I have a few goals after writing this - and sleeping, of course._

* Let Leila know that I’m not the happiest with her at the moment.

__

* Catch up with Skye, Erin, and Rory about their nights at the party.

__

* Get to know Ajay. More.

_Now, I’m going to go to bed and pray that I don’t puke._

_Charlotte :)_

*

*

Waking up the next morning? No fun. No fun at all.

It felt like I was ran over by a bus.

_Hit by a bus._

_Thrown into a bus._

_All of the above. That’s a good answer._

Anyway. It was just barely noon and I woke up in a huge Golden Griddle tee and a pair of flannel pajama shorts. My blankets were wrapped tightly around my legs like I’d been rolling all night long. Just because of these details, I didn’t want to imagine what my hair looked like.

A sudden snore echoed through the room.

Leila had still been wearing her blue dress, still sleeping, and laying on top of her blankets. She looked even worse than I felt. I shook my head, felt an ache in my neck, and made it my mission to shower. A shower always made things feel better.

My feet, which hurt like hell, slowly padded over to my dresser to grab a towel, my shower and bathroom supplies, and my flip flops before I was out the door and in the ladies room.

To my surprise, Skye stood there with an agitated look on her face. Once she saw me, her face flooded with relief.

“Oh my god, you’re actually alive,” Skye breathed, shaking her head. “You weren’t answering your phone this morning.”

I laughed dryly and instantly coughed, making the redhead in front of me grimace. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I had quite a few drinks last night, Skye.”

“Oh, really? Do pigs fly? Is the sky finally green?” Skye responded, her tone thick with sarcasm. “You were wasted last night. It was hilarious to watch Ajay get you into an Uber.”

A surge of warmth flooded my cheeks and the things in my arms grew heavier.

“I don’t remember,” I stammered, desperate to change the topic, “what’d you need this morning?”

Skye turned back to the counter and picked up her bag. “I needed an opinion on what lipstick shade I should use.”

All of her options were either black, purple, or a dark red. I arched an eyebrow and looked up to meet her startlingly blue eyes.

“Can I ask why–”

“No. Color?”

Despite the harsh lighting in the dorm’s bathrooms (it was killing my eyes), I pointed to a dark red, confused out of my wits. “It’s sophisticated and goes with a lot of outfits. I’d go with this one.”

Skye nodded and took it out of its packaging. She swatched it on her hand and hummed to herself, then looked back up at me.

“This’ll go with the dress I got, right?” There was a twinge of vulnerability in her eyes that made me worry the slightest bit.

“Uh, yeah. It’d be a good combo.” I answered, surveying Skye’s face. She seemed more on edge and short-tempered today; her shoulders were tense and her posture was perfect. She had been wearing a striped black and red long sleeve with a black jean skirt, her hair down and her makeup done impeccably.

“Skye, are you okay?” I asked blatantly, unable to hold it in any longer. She instantly had a look of surprise.

“Yeah, I’m…fine.”

She certainly did not sound fine, so I took one more tiny step to see if I could find out anything else without pushing her too far.

“You know you can talk to me, right? We’re friends now.” I said with a light smile. She blinked for a second before returning to her previous brooding mood.

“Right. Um. I gotta go,” Skye grabbed her other bag from the counter and walked towards the door with a quick step, “thanks for your help.”

Then she was gone.

What…just happened?

*

*

My shower wasn’t as nice as I expected it to be. It started out great, but then I dropped my bottle of shampoo on my toe and accidentally used too much conditioner, so of course, I was washing it out for a good five extra minutes. And then, don’t even get me started on the fact that I forgot my change of clothes back in my dorm.

The walk back was brisk with my towel tightly wrapped around me. Goosebumps were raised on my skin and my flip flops squeaked. I was an absolute mess - clean, but still chaotic.

Of course, with my luck, I turned a corner and bumped right into someone and dropped my little shower caddy onto the carpet. I quickly stooped to pick it up, hastily putting back the things that fell out.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry–” I stuttered, though recognized the light scent of cologne and a hint of mint. _Jesus…this wasn’t happening right now…_

“Ajay?” My hand instantly tightened on my towel. I met his eyes, blown wide, and couldn’t help but blush. “Why…what’re you doing on this floor?”

I could feel his gaze wander a bit, only making my blush intensify.

“I was looking for you? You weren’t answering your phone.” Ajay said, his voice sounding a bit strangled before he cleared his throat, making chills run down my spine. 

_Why is this happening?_

I took a deep breath, groaned in exasperation, and rolled my eyes. Seemed normal enough! 

“Does saying that I got hit, thrown into, and ran over by a bus thoroughly describe how a hangover feels?”

Ajay nodded with a growing smirk. He didn’t look too good himself with dark purple bags beneath his still-tired eyes.

“It’s pretty accurate, yeah,” He laughed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “and it also makes sense because you were completely–”

“Wasted and stumbling everywhere. Right. Now, what’s up?”

He smiled; I couldn’t tell why, but he smiled and it left butterflies haphazardly flying around my stomach. “Wanna go get coffee with Rory, Erin, and I?”

_Just you would’ve been fine, too,_ I thought.

_Oh. My. God. Shut. Up. Stupid. Brain!_

“That’d be amazing,” I sighed, exhaustion evident in my tone, “I’ll be down there in a second. As you can see, um…” I looked down to my purple and blue polka-dotted towel, which tickled the skin at my knees.

“Take your time. We’ll be in the lobby.” Ajay said, his voice a bit…lower than usual? His eyes briefly scanned me again, giving me goosebumps - well, more goosebumps, I should say - and then he was off towards the elevators. “Um, see you in a bit.”

He turned the corner and was gone…as quick as he came. And I could only think of one thing.

That was the most _embarrassing_ thing that has ever happened in my life.

*

*

Leila was still asleep when I got back into the dorm. Her snores could be heard _clearly_ from down the hall that I sped down. I didn’t want to risk running into anyone else.

I silently crept towards my closet and grabbed a pair of jean shorts and a light grey tee coincidentally from the diner. My heart impossibly broke just a bit more at the thought, but I pushed the feelings down and grabbed the rest of my things before speeding down to the bathroom to finish getting ready. 

I considered writing Leila a note, but what was the point? I’d probably come back to her snoring again.

As I brushed through my hair, I thought about home. It’s been almost two weeks and I still haven’t built up the courage to talk to my family about The Golden Griddle.

Maybe, _hopefully_ , that would change today.

*

*

“Hey, look who finally decided to show up!” Rory teased as I jogged over to the small huddle of three. Everyone looked exhausted.

“Sorry that I didn’t want to reek like sweat and alcohol unlike you,” I chided, putting my sunglasses on. Rory playfully gasped and bumped my shoulder.

“At least I didn’t get chocolate wasted last night!” Rory smiled, though Erin and Ajay shook their heads.

“You did, Rory. You fell asleep on the dance floor,” Ajay sighed, face palming himself, “and it wasn’t an easy task to get you up.”

Rory gaped and looked at his skinned elbow. “That’s why I have this!”

“And those,” Erin frowned, pointing to his skinned and bruised knees, “you fell down the stairs then started to cry about global warming.”

I started laughing and Rory just looked at me, almost examining me, and then burst out into laughter himself. It was strange; it felt like he was assessing me or something? He’d look over to Ajay every couple seconds, causing the latter’s cheeks to redden. It was so odd.

“I’m sad I missed that,” I giggled, patting Rory’s shoulder gently, “it sounds like you had a good night!”

Rory rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. It was uncharacteristic of him to do such a shy thing, but I guess there was more to Rory than just his fun-loving spirit I’ve seen.

“Fun is one word, for sure,” Rory said, shaking his head, “but, _please_ , I need coffee if we’re gonna continue to converse like this. Let’s go.”

*

*

Ajay’s car was quaint. Charming. Definitely well-loved. And…he drove like a speed demon. Sitting in the front seat wasn’t the best idea; I swear I could feel bile rise in my throat due to my overreacting nerves whenever he’d switch lanes. But, because of his speed, we arrived at the cozy cafe in an instant.

It was on a corner, almost like a stereotypical cafe in the movies. It made me smile; just the sight of a restaurant other than–

Oh, jeez. That’s going to be a fun conversation.

“Charlotte? You…okay?” Ajay asked, poking my arm. I blinked my eyes rapidly and gave him a bright smile, even if it was a little fake.

“Great! Um, just spaced out for a second.” I blushed, his eyes losing their worry but still keeping their curiosity. I gave a sigh and nodded before stepping out onto the sidewalk where Erin and Rory had been standing. Rory was smiling up at the sign that read ‘Beany Business’ in large, red calligraphic lettering.

“Home at last,” Rory grinned, looking over to Erin, “and it’s even better that it’s your turn to pay.”

Erin rolled her eyes…and not in a playful manner. 

She seemed a bit under the weather today, so why make her pay?

“Actually, I can pay.” I said confidently. Erin looked up at me and shook her head, but I silenced her before she could even utter a word. “Take this as my ‘thank you’ to you all for taking me under your wing and showing me around. It’s the least I can do.”

Erin smiled; it was simple and beautiful, as it always was, but there was a trace of appreciation in this one. It loosened the concerned knot in my stomach.

“You’re a cool gal, Charlotte. I’m happy to be your friend.” Rory said in a southern accent, tipping an invisible cowboy hat. I laughed and felt someone bump into me on my left side.

“I agree.” Ajay said, his voice tender. I tried to shrug it off, but it sounded a bit breathless, too. Almost…like I took his breath away? 

I’m beyond confused at the tone, but also endeared? It was actually kind of sweet–

A cool drop of rain splattered onto my nose, then several more followed.

“Inside!” Erin said, ushering us towards the entrance. Immediately, right when she opened the door, the nostalgic smell of brewing coffee and hints of vanilla overwhelmed my senses. It was like walking into a paradise - of coffee, obviously.

“What should I get?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at the menu. The names were so unique that I had no idea what they were.

“Anything, really,” Erin said, “depends on your mood.”

And so, with that, we ordered - I got a caramel macchiato, Rory got an iced caramel macchiato, Erin got a cafe mocha, and Ajay got a flat white - and I payed without any sort of hesitation. Was it a good forty bucks that I’d have to pay off in the future? Maybe. But it was also well spent on good company.

We located a small table and sat down to enjoy our drinks. I took a sip of mine and instantly felt ten times better. Something about caramel was always so comforting.

“Well, newbie, how is it?” Rory winked, sipping his coffee. I smiled.

“Definitely better than anything back home,” I said, earning a few chuckles from the table. Erin sighed and turned to me, a question brewing in her eyes.

“What was life like back in Oregon?”

I raised my eyebrows at the sudden question, but then remembered the diner. Of course. Why wouldn’t I think about the diner whenever I thought of home, especially right now?

“It wasn’t extremely exciting. Leila and I would always wander around our town, but other than that, it was boring.” I shrugged, watching everyone look at me. In a non-judgmental but also extremely judgmental way. “Um, what–”

“There must’ve been something that you enjoyed!” Rory exclaimed, his voice a little too loud for the quiet atmosphere of the cafe. “Oh, what about the theatrical business?”

“My high school won the Spotlite Festival in London a couple years ago, but otherwise we weren’t super unique. Just your average high school theater program, in all honesty.”

Ajay blinked and Rory bit his lip, both of them astounded. Erin looked between us three, bewildered.

“Okay, wait. From what I saw, you guys weren’t just average.” Ajay said, putting his hands flat on the table. “What you guys had was unbridled talent. It was a brilliant performance in every aspect that left the judges speechless.”

Rory pointed at Ajay in agreement as he looked at me. “What Ajay said. It was freaking amazing!”

I grinned and looked down at the table in an attempt to hide it. “Aww, you guys are gonna make me blush.”

“Good,” Ajay said, “because that’s what we aimed to do.”

Rory and Ajay shared a crisp high five without looking, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that it was a little odd in more ways than one.

“Okay, okay, hush children. I want to know more about you, Charlotte.” Erin said, a newly formed smile on her face.

“Ask away!” I beamed, taking a _looooong_ sip from my caramel goodness in a cup once again.

*

*

At least an hour passed in them asking questions, some super dumb and others super interesting, and I answered each of them to the best of my ability.

“Favorite food?” Rory asked. I didn’t even have to think about that one.

“My dad’s homemade buttermilk pancakes!” I smiled, the smell wafting through my senses.

“Oh, those sound good.” Erin groaned, smirking.

“They’re more than good. They’re magical.” I sighed wistfully. “They’re a staple at my parents’ diner, well, were, I should say.”

Ajay furrowed his brows immediately. “What happened?”

( ~~ _oh jeez oh jeez oh jeez it was really happening? no, no, no, not right now…_~~ )

“Oh, um…” I stammered, averting my eyes from the table to look at the chalkboard wall full of colorful drawings, “my dad doesn’t really…make them anymore.”

I cringed at my lie, but they seemed to buy it. Though, after that, no one really talked, so there was just a lot of awkward silence…until Ajay broke it.

“Erin? You’ve been quite…odd for the past couple days.” Ajay frowned, looking over to Rory.

“Yeah, you’ve been really out of sorts? Under the weather? Indis–” Rory quipped, counting his responses on his fingers until Erin cut him off with a sharp huff. It was short and sounded like she’d coughed, but I knew that it was both intentional and brimming with annoyance.

“Why can’t I just be tired without being nagged for it?”

My eyebrows shot up at the reaction; her laid back personality seemed to vanish for a second, being replaced by a wave of newfound anger. It definitely was a tad bit scary. And unlike her.

“So you’ve been tired for two weeks? Erin, if something’s bothering you, you can talk to us.” Ajay said, his demeanor changing into something desperate. Something vulnerable.

Erin’s stoic expression softened around the edges for a brief moment before her walls came crumbling down entirely.

“Not here,” Erin sighed, visibly deflating, “not right now. I physically can’t talk about it right now.”

Ajay nodded in understanding, though didn’t let his uneasy gaze stray from her until Rory cleared his throat.

“Um, so…now what?”

I instinctively shrugged, looking outside to see raindrops falling from the sky. Rain had always been one of my favorite things for so many reasons. It slowed the world down and kept it running all at the same time; it was a good reminder to just take a deep breath and relax every once in a while. It also helps that it smells refreshing.

“I think we should get back to Lafayette.” Erin frowned.

And, just like that, no one said anything for the rest of our outing.

*

*

“Charlotte! Oh my god! Where were you?” Leila rushed once I stepped through the threshold of our dorm, her voice panicked.

“Getting coffee with _friends,_ ” I chided when I turned to face her, my voice startlingly cold, “why do you care?”

Wow; that tone was a little unnecessary but I could care less at this point. I wasn’t happy with her; why should I sound like I was?

Leila huffed with annoyance. “Because I woke up to my roommate, who is usually too egotistical to go anywhere, _missing_!”

My eyes rolled, though I felt the rare flame of vexation ignite within the deep caves of my chest. I felt the flame grow into a blazing inferno the longer I let her words sink in. It made my blood boil as it coursed through my veins, my heart’s thundering palpitations picking up speed by the second.

“I can’t believe you have the guts to say such a controversial thing after your whole _spectacle_ last night.” I muttered, quiet and calm, though my eyes were throwing daggers at her like it was target practice. 

Leila went quiet with confusion, her gaze never wavering from mine. I noticed the dark bags under her eyes - extremely noticeable against her olive skin - and felt a twinge of guilt brew in my stomach. Remarkably, the feeling quickly disappeared when she spoke.

“What are you even talking about?” Leila asked, her face contorting into a bewildered scowl. I searched her eyes for any sign that she knew what I’d been rambling about, but…there were none.

“Okay, tell me again how I’m too egotistical? Oh, wait, you already did last night after you announced my adoption to the world.”

Silence wracked the room and after a long pause, Leila whispered, “I… _what_?”

I hated the fact that I was angry at actions she didn’t even remember. It was frustrating enough already that she called me out, but for her to not remember anything? It was absolutely maddening. Of course, though, a small piece of my heart still felt culpable; what she did occurred when she was drunk and thinking about nothing but a good time. It was when her mind was infatuated with the idea of drinking and dancing and laughing the night away…and not keeping one _huge_ secret hidden from the rest of the world. 

But, then again, drunken minds speak for sober hearts. And that’s what pissed me off to no end.

“Leila, you called me stupid and helpless. You announced that I was adopted.” I sighed, closing my eyes. I didn’t even want to stare at anyone or anything because I sounded so pathetic. It didn’t even sound like I was angry; it sounded like I was defeated in such a “pitiful” way.

God, why can’t I just be angry for once instead of sounding like a five year old? ~~_AAAUUUUGGGHHHH_~~!

“I did?” Leila muttered, her voice sounding thick with exhaustion…and rough from screaming her heart out the night before.

“Yeah,” I said, “and I’m pretty angry at you for it.”

I heard her take in a deep breath, but she didn’t sound sorry. She sounded like she was about to lecture me about how I was in the wrong, almost like a scolding mother. ( _again with the stupid five year old persona!_ ) “Charlotte, you knew how drunk I–”

Making up excuses had always been one of my biggest pet peeves. I absolutely hated excuses and Leila knew exactly how much. She knew she was stepping into dangerous territory, but by the sounds of it, wasn’t going to back down without a fight. So…I wasn’t going to, either.

“I don’t _care_ how drunk you were, Leila. I care about how you broke your promise to never tell anyone about my adoption unless you had my permission,” I seethed, balling my hands into tightly clasped fists. I could feel my fingernails digging into the skin of my palms but couldn’t find it in myself to care.

“Charlotte–”

“No, Leila. No.” I stated, holding my ground. “You do not get to make up excuses to get yourself out of this!”

Leila visibly lost her temper - this usually scared the living daylights out of me, but not this time. Her eyes narrowed and her shoulders tensed.

“I bet it was well deserved,” Leila spat, her voice packing a punch in a way I knew it would, “you need to wake up, Charlotte. Not everything will always work out for you in the end, and it’s time you realized that. I’m so tired of babying you.”

_Babying_ me? Oh, no no no. Nope.

“I never asked you to be my bodyguard! I never wanted to be treated differently!” I yelled. I couldn’t take this anymore.

“Then stop acting like it!” Leila shouted, her face red. “Stop acting like a dumb and powerless brat so I don’t need to protect you!”

I tried to yell, to fight back, to do anything besides just stand there…

“Get out before this gets worse.” Leila sighed, pointing to the door. She was still angry - very, _very_ angry - but was keeping her voice mellow.

Finally, I pulled myself together and gave her one last look. Then, without any thought, was slamming the door behind me.

*

*

I decided to take a walk around campus and let out some steam. I left Lafayette and swung a right when I walked out the front door, crossed a busy intersection packed with cars, and just…continued to walk. The rain had eased into a light sprinkle and the grey clouds in the sky were starting to break apart to reveal patches of baby blue.

The sidewalks were mostly empty so I decided to look around. Tall buildings lined the streets - their LED signs advertising items from tea to furniture - and lots of cars whizzing by. The air smelt like car exhaust and fast food.

But I couldn’t find it in myself to pause my race down the sidewalk and enjoy anything. I’ve waited my entire life to get away from Cedar Cove and start my life, but now that I’m here, I couldn’t think of anything _but_ home. It was ironic, really.

With each step I took, another thought grew heavy. About Leila, about the diner, about how my entire _future_ could take a turn at any minute… 

I honestly did feel like a vulnerable five year old. Maybe Leila was right. Have I really been…dependent on her protection for four years? Have I really been that much of a hassle to put up with?

Was she my friend out of pity?

In the back of my mind, behind all of these thoughts, I heard someone calling my name. I brushed it off as my subconscious hearing things, but as I continued my trek down the sidewalk, the voice grew louder.

“Charlotte!”

“Charlotte!”

“ _Charlotte!_ ”

I finally turned around out of both curiosity and annoyance to see…

“Skye?”

The redhead briefly smiled, heaving breaths between her teeth. She was wearing her dress again, with the shade of dark red lipstick I chose this morning, and heels.

“Jeez, you are seriously deaf. I started chasing you back at Lafayette. I almost broke an ankle like two streets ago to catch up with you!” Skye panted, shaking her head. She, too, looked worn out.

“Sorry, I was just…thinking about…stuff.” I sighed, narrowing my eyes at her outfit. “Why’re you all spruced up?”

She rolled her eyes and took a glance down at her outfit. “My parents had a lunch meeting with a few of their best clients today at a nice restaurant. It was nothing.”

She cringed, not even needing to verbalize her disgust towards the matter for me to know she wasn’t pleased about attending.

“I thought you came here from Oregon?” I asked (mainly wanting to change the topic), recalling Leila swooning over her in the plane. That felt like yesterday, but in reality, it was a solid two weeks ago.

“I went to stay with my great aunt for the summer,” Skye sighed mid-sentence, “to get away from everything. My parents live a few miles down that way.” She pointed down a side street.

That explains a lot, actually. She did have a very subtle New York accent.

“So you know your way around here?” I questioned, eyeing the unfamiliar area around me as she nodded.

“Like the back of my hand. But, um, why’re you out here in the first place?”

Skye was looking at me with an uncharacteristic intensity; she’d turned into Rory with her analyzing eyes and curious mood. It was so, so odd and something completely unexpected. And I couldn’t help but feel a little reassured under her gaze.

“Leila and I had an argument.” I said bluntly, shrugging. Half of me wondered if Skye remembered what happened last night or if she got as drunk–

Consider that question answered. Skye frowned, shaking her head. “About what happened last night, right? How she announced your…”

At least she had the courtesy to not say it out loud, unlike someone else.

“Bingo.” I frowned, crossing my arms. “We’ve argued before, but, this was just so intense.”

Skye nodded in understanding. “Arguments are stupid, but at the same time, they do a lot of damage. You two should be okay soon, though. Rumor has it that you two have been inseparable for a while.”

I smiled, remembering the day I met Leila. We were in the same English class and had been paired up. We had similar interests and hobbies, and so the rest is history. That felt like it was a millennia ago, not just four years.

“Four years,” I smiled softly, “we’ve been friends for four years.”

Skye patted my shoulder. “Nice. She’s quite a character, but in a good way.”

My eyes widened a bit at the phrase; Leila was a character, but Skye said it so meaningfully. Her smile softened around the edges. Her eyes looked around aimlessly, almost as if she’d been looking for Leila on the sidewalk. Her entire body just relaxed at the mention of Leila and it was the sweetest thing in the history of the world. Oh, boy. It’s happening. They’re really falling for each other. Something happened between them last night. (and I’m totally going to ask about it later when Leila and I are on speaking terms again…)

I beamed, more relaxed than I had been moments prior (I honestly just needed to remember how amazing Leila was, despite her unbeknownst betrayal), and turned to Skye. “She really is.”

*

*

Later that night, after all my moping around from the day, I decided to make the call. No, not the song by _Backstreet Boys_ , but the call home. About the diner.

I hadn’t talked to Leila since our huge argument…but I knew she’d come around. Eventually. She had to sleep at some point, right?

I paced around the dorm, unable to keep my hands from shaking as I queued up my mom’s number. It was terrifyingly nerve-wracking but also comforting to see the familiar pattern. This just shows how homesick I’d become the longer I put off this phone call.

At long last, I pressed the green call button. The phone didn’t even ring twice before the delighted laugh of my mom came through.

“Oh, Charlotte, dear! We were just talking about you!” Mom laughed, her voice wrapping me in a warm embrace. I really, truly, missed her to no end. I could still feel her thumbs brushing away my tears from the night before I left.

I caught up with her and held light, pleasing conversation for a few minutes before she heaved a deep sigh. Even being thousands of miles away, I could tell her eyebrows were starting to furrow and her eyes were growing sad. It hurt my heart to think that I couldn’t give her a tight hug like I always did in times like these.

“Mom, I hate to ask, but how’re things with the Golden Griddle?” I asked, keeping my tone even with every ounce of strength I could muster. The mere realization of how I’d probably never get to go there again sent a chill down my spine.

“Well, honey, we really don’t know just yet. Your father and I have discussed over and over how we’d adjust to whatever the news may be, but,” Mom breathed, her voice breaking the slightest bit, “we really don’t know. We haven’t heard anything at all since they condemned it.”

I felt tears well in my eyes, but no matter how badly I wanted them to fall, I held them back. Now was a time to be strong; to prove Leila wrong. To prove to myself that I had the strength to hold my own - and even mom - in a frightening time like this. 

I had to. So many things were on the line. And so, with a deep breath, I spoke.

“Okay. I won’t ask anything else, then.” I said, once again trying to keep my emotions at bay. “Just let me know when you do get the news.”

Mom hummed in understanding; I could tell she was just as affected by this as I was by the tone. It was so, so heartbreaking.

“Alright, sweetie. I’ll call you soon, okay? Give Leila a big bear hug for me and your father. We miss you girls so, so much.” Mom said sweetly. I could faintly hear a sniffle in the background. “I love you, baby girl.”

“I love you too, Mom. Hugs and kisses to Dad and Cooper for me.” I said, closing my eyes. I imagined laying on the couch with Cooper curled up at my feet, whimpering softly as he imagined chasing who knows what around who knows where. Henry was playing Madden and screaming profanities at the TV. Mom and Dad were laughing in the kitchen, faintly listening to Henry’s squabbles.

As I hung up, I held onto the image. Desperately.

I wanted to go home. I wanted the past to become real. I wanted to go to bed, knowing that somehow, in some way, I’d wake up to see my family in the morning. But, as much as I wished and hoped and prayed, it’d never be real. Not now, at least.

So I did the next best thing.

I composed myself and slipped my flip flops on, tossed my purse over my shoulder, and made my way towards the elevator. I pressed the ‘4′ to go to the fourth floor, and as soon as I knew it, was treading an unfamiliar path towards a dorm…that I somehow knew the exact location of?

I knocked on the door and was met with a pair of wide and breathtakingly gorgeous light brown eyes behind familiar glasses only a second later.

“Hi, Ajay.”


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of bankruptcy and dementia.

“Hi, Ajay.”

Charlotte looked worse than she had this morning when she was dealing with her hangover. Now, as she stood helplessly in front of me, she looked like she was about to cry.

“Charlotte, are you alright?” I asked, knowing what her answer would be right off the bat. With a purse of her lips, she looked down at the floor and slowly shook her head. She finally met my eyes and let her own fill with tears, her walls slowly crashing down.

“No, not really.”

I instantly waved her in and closed the door. Rory was out with a few friends that had just arrived on campus, so I probably wasn’t going to see him until morning. That was okay; Charlotte didn’t look like she was ready to leave anytime soon when she was perched on my bed, wiping desperately at her tears.

“What happened?” I questioned softly, coming to sit beside her. 

I wasn’t usually the crying-on-the-shoulder type, so I honestly felt out of place in this situation. Although, despite my inexperience, she answered.

“When I got back after our coffee trip, Leila and I got into a huge argument about what happened last night.” Charlotte sniffled, her voice breaking as more tears rolled down her cheeks. Without knowing what to say, I wrapped a hesitant arm around her shoulders to try and console her. I felt her tense up underneath my arm, leading me to assume I went too far. 

I was about to pull away before she huddled closer to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. Of course, I tried my best to ignore how my heart started to thunder in my chest at the action, but that’s unimportant right now.

After a few beats of silence, I found my voice again. I still didn’t know whether or not I’d been doing this whole ‘consolation’ thing properly, but talking seemed to alleviate her emotions, even if it was temporary. 

“Did she apologize for what happened?”

Charlotte shook her head, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. “No. I guess she was angry at me, too.”

“Why?” My eyes widened and my embrace around her tightened by just a fraction. It was such a small movement but I could tell it was something she noticed by the way she wrapped her arms around me, clinging to me as if I’d disappear.

“She thinks that I’m dependent on her protection,” Charlotte said, her voice still unsteady, “and…and I just…” She broke down into sobs, her shoulders heaving and her arms tightening around my torso. Yet again, I had no idea what to do, so I frowned,

Just this morning she’d been upbeat. She was fatigued, sure, but she was herself nonetheless. Now, she was the complete opposite. It…well…it hurt my heart. 

( ~~ _Dammit._~~ ).

I failed to muster a response before she started to speak again.

“I didn’t tell you about my parents’ diner, did I? About what happened?”

I started shaking my head when she pulled back to compose herself. It was barely a second before she crossed her arms tightly around herself. She was silent in deep thought for a minute, her eyes trained on Rory’s unmade bed across the room.

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.” I muttered softly, though she sniffled and looked back up at me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much hurt, so much pain, so much despair, in my life aside from her eyes in that moment. The blue irises that gazed into mine were overflowing with such a depressing sadness that I was rendered speechless.

~~_Of course, she had beautiful eyes. She had a beautiful smile, too. Everything about her was just beautiful, even when she was at her lowest point like this._ ~~

“I do want to,” Charlotte breathed, nodding to herself in a way that seemed forced, almost as if she’d reminded herself that she wanted to, “you’re the best person I can talk to.”

Things with Leila, her _best friend_ , must be seriously messed up. It’s been about two weeks since we met and she’s already crying on my shoulder.

I nodded wordlessly in understanding (because I still couldn’t find the right words to say) and let her continue.

“The day I got here, I called my mom. She told me how their diner had gone bankrupt,” Charlotte said, her voice now clear and consistent, “then, to top it all off, the building got condemned. It’s never really been in the best condition, but it’s always been like that. We’ve never had the best finances, either, so we couldn’t get anything permanently fixed.”

She buried her head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do, or what to think. I basically grew up there, y’know? It hurts to hear, but it hurts even more to know that I’m not at home with my family. And then everything with Leila and the stress of classes starting soon…”

“Oh my god,” I whispered, surprising her (and myself; I mean, I finally found my vocal chords!), “that sounds like a living hell.”

Charlotte cracked a wry laugh, immediately easing the growing knot in the pits of my heart. Even if it didn’t sound like her usual chortle, I deemed that it was better than her sobbing into my shoulder. 

“Oh, I can assure you that it is.”

“What a poor, poor reassurance,” I sighed, “can I give you some advice?” 

I watched her nod solemnly before I started.

“For starters, you’re strong. I don’t think you’re dependent on Leila’s protection because you wouldn’t be _here_ if you were,” I said, watching her reaction carefully. It had been my job as a director to read people’s character and emotion and give them advice on how to improve; these circumstances hadn’t been much different…besides the fact of not literally _directing_ her around.

“Second. You need to know that it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to share your emotions and opinions. You don’t need to bottle everything up all the time, especially when something big like this is bothering you.” I heard (and felt) my voice soften. I don’t exactly know why - maybe it was because of how calm the moment felt or because I didn’t want to worry her - but I did know that she was listening carefully because of her newly-formed expression of confusion.

“How did you know I was holding everything in?” Charlotte questioned. I simply smiled.

“I’m a director, remember? I know lots of things.” I teased, watching an unconvinced smile spread across her features. So I sighed and told her the truth. “I have lots of experiences with keeping my emotions hidden from the world. Plus, from what I’ve heard, you’re the instituted older sibling; I just happen to know all about that.”

“Oh.” She breathed. It sounded vulnerable. “That’s very observant of you, mister director.”

( ~~ _Why are my cheeks starting to heat up? Whatever. Um. Advice. Respond to her. Um._~~ )

“Not observant,” I corrected, giving her a tender and understanding smile whilst ignoring my growing sheepishness, “experienced.”

And then I watched as the silent wish I had in my mind came true; she smiled. It was such a brilliant thing; I couldn’t move, think, breathe, or function like a normal human being for a whirlwind of a second. It was something alleviating, breathtaking, and mesmerizing all at once.

“Ah, right. You have lots of… _experience._ ” Charlotte laughed, giving me a thankful look before rubbing at her eyes. I just noticed how exhausted she looked and instantly felt guilty for keeping her awake. It was almost half past ten and I knew she was a night owl, but her eyes were growing bleary and she let out an occasional yawn.

“I do.” I hummed, gingerly reaching for her hand. I don’t really understand why I did; it just seemed like the right thing to do in the moment. To let her know I was here for her. “And if you need to talk about _anything_ else like this, I’m here. Okay?”

Her cheeks burned bright pink when I grazed my thumb over the back of her hand. I’ve noticed that her hands are always impossibly soft and comfortingly warm. 

“Okay.” Charlotte nodded. A moment of silence passed, and then another, and then a whole two minutes passed without any conversation; it wasn’t awkward or weird or anything, but it had definitely been different. The air between us seemed to thicken. Her blue eyes looked up to meet mine again and I immediately knew why the moment had felt so different. Emotions like vulnerability and relief swirled around her irises.

She trusted me.

We continued to gaze at each other for what felt like hours, mindlessly but also knowingly, before she cleared her throat and pulled away. I took my hand back and the moment ended. 

~~_I immediately missed the warmth of her hand in mine._ ~~

“Thank you, Ajay. Seriously.” Charlotte breathed, standing up. “I owe you one.”

I smiled and shook my head. “I disagree. I was just doing what nice friends do.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes but still grinned. “Nice friends accept an offering from another friend.” she winked, pulling me into a hug so quick I barely had time to react. She was halfway out the door before I processed her quick embrace. “I’ll get you coffee or something sometime and I can promise that you’ll never see it coming. Goodnight.”

Before I could retort, she was gone with a flourish. She closed the door softly, leaving me with my thoughts.

*

*

_August 23rd, 2020_

_Dear Diary…_

_Wow. Three entries within the span of a month? Wow, I’m genuinely shocked. Anyway. I have something to say, and I think it might be urgent…in a sense._

_Charlotte. Remember her? Yeah. I think something’s happening with our…friendship. And in a really good way. Over the past couple days, she’s been looking at me differently. Talking to me differently. Smiling at me more. She even pokes my arm…which has never happened before? It’s far from usual, but at the same time…I’m getting used to it._

_The more I think about it, the more I realize that I shouldn’t be letting myself do this. I shouldn’t be letting myself grow closer to her. With every passing day, I keep allowing myself to spend time with her in the way that will eventually kill me. I know what’s going to happen: she’ll audition for the show, get a lead part, and forget about me. I’ll be heartbroken…again._

_I don’t know what these feelings mean. Wait. Maybe I do, actually; I just don’t want to admit the truth to myself because the truth scares me. A lot._

_So. That’s really it. Unless you want to hear about my “home life” problem? Well then, do I have news for you. I haven’t visited Amma, Mo, or Jim in almost a year and have been purposefully putting it off out of the fear that they won’t accept me as their family. (This is basically stemming off the fact of me “spending lots of time” with my dad over summer…)_

_Anyway. That’s about it. I’m seriously considering the thought of not directing the show this year so I can actually breathe with the whole Charlotte situation, but I don’t think Olson would like that. He always says that I’m the “most qualified” and “better seasoned” student he has._

_Why must everything in my life be so confusing?_

_Ajay_

*

*

The air had slowly grown colder over the next week, signaling flannel season. Pumpkin spice season. Spooky season, as Rory called it. It was _finally_ September; the start of autumn and the school year. 

Erin asked me to go shopping with her at a local craft store. She needed new autumn decorations and, by some sort of force, I just happened to be the only one free on the last Saturday before class officially started on Tuesday. So here we were; walking into a large corner store I’d never seen before with a small basket on Erin’s arm.

“Look at all of the leaf garlands…” Erin smiled, pointing at all the aisles. She eagerly looked around at all the decorations. I, in all honesty, could spend the entire day in this store. It was so tranquil.

…But don’t tell anyone that. 

“Ajay! Look at this!” Erin held up a small pair of purple and orange striped witch legs with black boots. “It’d be right up Skye’s alley! We could hang it outside the door.”

Without further explanation, she tossed it into her basket and proceeded to the next aisle with Halloween decorations. She glanced at a few before continuing on. Erin isn’t a Halloween person; she doesn’t get scared easily, but she just doesn’t like how cheesy the holiday is.

“You seem to be doing better,” I said nonchalantly, showing her a miniature pumpkin that looked like a paper weight. She took the pumpkin but didn’t respond until she placed it in her basket.

“I am.” Erin said just as casually. It was quite…infuriating, to say the least.

We continued to walk around the store, the odd encounter almost forgotten until we got to the fake flower aisle. Erin took a faux orchid into her hands and looked at it wistfully, twirling the plastic stem between her fingers.

“These…are my grandma’s favorites.” She whispered, her voice faltering.

Oh, no.

“Erin?” I questioned, watching as she shook the emotion away and put the orchid back. It was faint, but I watched several emotions flash through her eyes. Pain, grief, longing.

She walked away from the orchids without looking back and instead picked up a yellow rose further down the aisle.

“I could cut the stems off of these and decorate a stick wreath with them. Maybe add a few orange cosmos and red daisies? Oh, and maybe–”

“That’d look nice,” I hummed, cutting her off. She took some artificial baby’s breath and added it to the mix, not meeting my eyes.

Clearly she was ignoring what had happened with the orchid. 

I remember Erin talking about her grandma all the time - the amazing woman in her life that had been a philanthropist within her community. I don’t remember her name, though I do remember that Erin adored her just as much as she adored Erin. The latter would ramble on and on about all the people her grandmother inspired (herself included) and loved to talk about how her grandmother taught her about living her life to the fullest.

Then, unexpectedly two summers ago, Erin’s notorious grandmother forgot about her birthday. Then she forgot her wedding anniversary. Then, unbelievably, she forgot about her career that she used to talk so much about. She had no recollection of what she’d accomplished, though when someone reminded her and talked about it in vivid detail, her memory would kick back in and she’d act like nothing ever happened.

The memory lapses continued over the course of freshman year, but she still fought to remember the people closest to her. It stayed that way for a while, but you could tell that it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to recall certain things.

Then, right before winter break of sophomore year, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

Erin talked with me about it all throughout the entire course of break. How her grandma was put on all these medications and needed to be moved into a nursing home for daily care. How Erin was terrified that her grandma would forget about everything she ever loved, ever knew, ever experienced. She had every right to, as well; it was scary, especially for Erin. Her grandma was like her safe place, her shoulder to cry on. It could all be taken away.

Erin’s heart slowly broke as she watched her grandma’s strength slowly wither away. By the start of the summer, Erin’s grandma couldn’t even walk because she’d gotten so frail. The last time Erin and I talked about it, everything was as good as it could’ve been.

But by Erin’s mention of the orchid, I’m guessing it hadn’t been an easy summer for her or her family.

“Erin,” I said suddenly, catching her off-guard as she looked for a wooden wreath, “it happened, didn’t it?”

I absolutely hated and regretted the blunt delivery, but she seemed to understand. She looked down at her shoes and grimly nodded.

“The week before I arrived on campus, I took one last visit before school. I held her hand for a while and hoped, but she…didn’t remember me. No matter how many times I said my name or showed her pictures…” Erin breathed sadly, holding her palm up to look at. It shook the tiniest bit.

That’s why she’d been so…cold for the past couple weeks. Her grandma forgot about her. Not willingly, but, forgot about her nonetheless. This was what she was scared of most, and having it come true…

“I know this doesn’t help in the slightest, but I’m so sorry, Erin.” I whispered, placing my hand on her shoulder thoughtfully. She took a deep breath and shrugged.

“It’s not your fault, Ajay. It’s no one’s fault.” Erin whispered, failing to keep her voice even.

Erin shook her head again and sniffled before she took a small wooden wreath, gently placing it into her basket. She walked away after waving at me to follow her towards the register.

*

* 

After the whole situation with Erin, I just needed to relax. I got back to the dorm and started to get all my school supplies organized. It was just the therapy I needed. Rory even joined in when he got back from who knows where and played random songs from musicals he loves. I can’t even name them all. 

We talked about things, too. Serious things, like my tobacle with Charlotte. I didn’t go into much detail, but I could tell Rory picked up on a couple things. He knew me too well. Even throughout all of that, I didn’t mention Erin to him. I debated it, but then I remembered that it wasn’t something I should share. When she was ready, she’d say something. And, clearly, that wasn’t right now.

It was at least half past eleven when we decided to call it quits; or I decided, since Rory had been passed out on top of his blankets.

Before I settled in for bed, I sent a text to Charlotte.

I hadn’t heard from her all day. This wouldn’t have looked out of the ordinary to anyone else, but she usually sends these stupidly funny memes about theater throughout the day. I don’t even know where (or how, for that matter) she finds them.

**Ajay** : You okay?

It was nearly thirty seconds after I sent the message when she responded.

**Charlotte** : leila and i are still iffy but i’ve been alright. i’m pretty exhausted but overall okay…ish :)

**Charlotte** : how are you?

I really, really wanted to share how I was feeling. Not just about Erin’s struggles or my own, but about her. But, first of all, I was not going to be “that guy” to confess over text. Second of all, I didn’t even know how I would confess. I couldn’t turn the weird notions I had floating around in my mind into words.

Even if I could, I still doubt I’d tell her.

**Ajay** : Tired, as always. Also, would it kill you to capitalize your words?

I knew she’d have a witty response to this. She always had one to anything thrown her way. I quickly learned that it was one of her most quirky traits.

**Charlotte** : YES I WOULD, GRANDPA! I WOULD DIE OF UTTER SHOCK FROM PRESSING THE CAPS BUTTON ON THIS VERY SCREEN ALL THE TIME! YOU’RE GONNA ATTEND MY FUNERAL AND GIVE A SPEECH ABOUT HOW AMAZING OF A FRIEND I WAS BECAUSE YOU JUST KILLED ME.

Such a dork.

**Charlotte** : there. hope that resolved the problem. oh, and i hope you can afford my funeral, you murderer.

Such a _cute_ dork, one could say.

**Ajay** : Not especially to all of that, but I guess I can let that one slide. But I better not see any lowercase nouns on your audition form once the show rolls around.

And that’s the reason that’d always hold me back. Whenever I thought I’d worked up enough courage to actually formulate some thought about these feelings I had for her, I’d remember that she was a theater kid, and I don’t allow myself to get involved with them. Not after what happened with Kelly.

**Charlotte** : you really think i’m that unprofessional? how rude.

**Charlotte** : plus…i don’t even know if i’m doing the show yet. i feel like it might burn me out. i’m a workaholic when it comes to school.

A familiar feeling of hope lightened the dead weight of stress on my shoulders. I may actually have a chance; well, a chance without making myself relive bad memories. 

**Ajay** : I guess that makes sense. If you’re interested, auditions are on the 14th.

**Charlotte** : would you have a bias towards me because i’m your friend? 😉 

Of course she’d ask that. Why wouldn’t she? This was Charlotte; she was the most curious person I’d ever met. 

**Ajay** : Absolutely…not. 

**Charlotte** : gosh diggity darn it. not even for me? i thought we were…like…besties or something. you hurt my fragile feelings. 🤧😭 

~~_God, why is she so cute?_ ~~

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud and had to hold a hand to my mouth to contain it before I woke Rory up. The last thing I wanted was his snarky question about why I’d been laughing while he was still half asleep. 

**Ajay** : Apologies, but it’s against the rules. 

**Ajay** : Also, how would we be best friends when we’ve known each other for a little over a month? I don’t even know your favorite color or movie or animal. Oh, and even your birthday? This is all stuff that best friends know about each other. 

**Charlotte** : green 💚 she’s the man ⚽️ penguins 🐧 December 28th, 2001 🎉 

**Charlotte** : you? 

I was playing a dangerous game here; I didn’t know if I wanted to win (stay friends and hold in my feelings forever)…but I didn’t know if I wanted to lose (tell her how I felt…eventually; once _I_ knew), either. 

Well, I guess you only live once, right? 

**Ajay** : Green, The Bicycle Thief, octopi, and August 2nd, 2000. Relatively basic. 

**Charlotte** : OMG HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! (ignore how it’s sept 4th please) 🎉🎉🎉 the big 20, right? 

**Ajay** : Sadly, but shhh, I’m still 19 at heart. Don’t tell anyone. 

**Charlotte** : my lips are sealed 🤐 and i have a question; it’s almost midnight. why’re you awake? 

Stress? Was stress a good answer? I think it was. She didn’t have to know what I was stressed about. It was general but also just specific enough to pass as a viable excuse. 

I don’t think it’d help if I confessed that some of it was because of her, either, so that was another good reason to just give a simple answer. 

**Ajay** : Stress. Why’re you awake? 

**Charlotte** : same reason. i also haven’t been sleeping well, if at all, since leila went to stay in skye and erin’s dorm. 

**Ajay** : Wow, since your argument? That was more than a week ago. Erin hasn’t said anything and I haven’t heard from Skye in a few days. 

**Charlotte** : leila has always been a bit dramatic when it comes to holding grudges. but, anyway, i should let you get some sleep. but before you go, do you wanna do something tomorrow? i think we both could use a break. 

That sounded like an amazing idea. Just taking a breather from everything that’d been happening in my life. But… 

**Ajay** : I was thinking of going to visit my family tomorrow. 

Maybe this was just another one of my excuses to stop me from letting these feelings grow. I didn’t want to get my hopes up; there was still a possibility that she’d audition for the show. 

**Charlotte** : oh, that’s okay! another time? 

But, then again, I wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to win or lose this game. And it’d be nice to have someone there with me. 

**Ajay** : Would you want to do something tomorrow? 

**Charlotte** : …is this your way of asking me to go with you to visit your family? 

**Ajay** : Maybe. 

~~_Yes._ ~~

**Charlotte** : well, as long as it’s alright with you, i’d love to tag along. if you wanted me there. 

**Ajay** : It’s definitely alright. Is ten okay? It only takes like…half an hour to get there. Maybe we’ll stop and get coffee or something before we go. 

**Charlotte** : cool beans! you know exactly how to persuade me. see you at ten :) please try to sleep well! 

**Ajay** : Ditto. 

Boom. Just like that. Simple as pie. I was going to visit family that I hadn’t seen in a year…with Charlotte. 

_Tomorrow._

Yeah, there’s no way in hell that I’m actually getting any sleep tonight. 

Awesome, wow. Cue ‘ _The Reynolds Pamphlet_ ’, because I felt like Hamilton at this very moment…an absolute idiot. 

Still, it might be nice, right? 

Might. It just might. 

~~_It will be nice…with her company._ ~~

**Ajay** : :) 

* 

* 

Walking to Charlotte’s dorm the next morning felt completely different than the last time. I vividly remember the walk; it was quick and painless. I had little to no butterflies fluttering around my stomach. I wasn’t hyperventilating. I wasn’t trying to wipe the sweat from my hands as I marched down the stairs and up to her door. 

My hands didn’t shake for a second that night, but now…I couldn’t find a way to keep them _still_. 

That party brought us closer together than I ever thought imaginable. That party basically sparked this entire flame. It’s what made me realize that Charlotte could never be _just_ a friend. She’d felt like something more for…for a while; sometime during the party, it just kind of became a thought. 

Even that night when she was showing her raw emotion, her concern for her family, her frustrations with Leila…it opened my eyes to what _I_ could tell her with such honesty. It made me humor the thought of becoming the type of person to share my deepest and darkest secrets with someone. 

This someone, somehow, just weaseled her way into my life without any warning. 

Everything fit into place and everything was put into perspective the longer I went over the “what if’s” and “what could be’s”. The weird notions in my heart were now scripted…and there wasn’t a way to take their roles away. There wasn’t a way to write them out or scribble over their lines with pen. 

And…let me just say…this terrified the living _hell_ out of me. 

Putting myself and my already damaged heart out there and on the line again…didn’t seem worth it. It didn’t seem like something I could handle if it went wrong. But you know what seemed worth it? The slim chance that she saw me the same way, that she wanted to be something _more_

Now, as I stood at her door, the ever increasing rate of my heart pounded in my ears. I _hoped_ I could admit these thoughts to her today. Or do _something_ that could give her a hint. 

It’s crazy how something small, like a feeling that you had for a split second, can manifest into a overwhelmingly large tower of impending doom in such a short period of time. It felt like I had a small, irking suspicion that I liked her at the party, but…I knew for a _fact_ that I liked her now. A _lot_ more. 

_Dammit._


	7. chapter seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: implication of divorce

It was definitely hard to sleep last night.

The room was entirely too quiet; Leila was such an obnoxious sleeper. But I’d rather have her snoring than this.

My thoughts, my stress, and my longing to go home kept eating away at my brain until almost five this morning. I faintly remember having a panicking thought of ‘oh, wait, I have to go somewhere in five hours’ before passing out due to exhaustion.

Now, standing in the ladies’ room _again_ , I applied, well, _smudged_ concealer over those purple bags beneath my eyes (because I was still so, so tired and basic motor functions were difficult). The last thing I needed was for Ajay’s family to think that I was some sort of weirdo that he picked up from a random gas station...

Wait, hold on. Back up. Why am I meeting his family? I know absolutely nothing about his family. Or much about his personal life, for that matter. It’s not a bad thing, but you usually are really important to someone to meet--

_Dear GOD shut up. Don’t think like that. Never ever again._

I had just finished applying mascara on one of my eyes when my phone buzzed with not one, but two new texts. I’ve never been so popular in the morning!

The first one belonged to Ajay.

**Ajay:** I’ll come get you at 10. Oh, and don’t forget to dress warm. It’s going to be chilly out today.

I smiled to myself.

**Charlotte:** thanks for the warning, weatherman ajay! always knew i could count on you for the daily forecast. 👍

**Ajay:** Shut up. Finish getting ready or I’m leaving without you.

**Charlotte:** you wouldn’t! 😂😝😎💁♀️👀🌤❄️

**Ajay:** Oh, actually, I would. Also, what’s your obsession with those things?

**Charlotte:** they’re called emojis and they’re used to express something called emotions. i know that’s a new word for you, so i’ll remember to use it more often so you remember.

**Ajay:** How considerate of you, thanks.

**Charlotte:** you’re welcome! i also think i found an emoji you should use more often...

**Ajay:** Oh, pray tell.

**Charlotte:** 👴

**Charlotte:** the ol’ chap looks just like you! awwww! you’re like twins!

**Ajay:** Oh my god. The new time is now 9:30 if you still wanna go, just for that.

**Charlotte:** i’ll be done in a sec anyway, so nice try. see you at 9:30, old man!

He was such an old man; talked like an old man, played pool, stubborn about traffic, wore blazers, texted without emojis (almost unheard of in this generation)...he was basically like a typical grandpa. 

The other text from Skye was uncharacteristic. She didn’t usually type out paragraphs...

**Skye:** hey. okay. so I’ve been thinking a lot lately about stuff with my parents and how they’ve treated me and I came to the conclusion to just leave them in the dust. I don’t think they’d even notice if I just vanished from the face of the earth. so, with that being said...do you know how to legally change your last name by chance? asking for a friend...lol.

I stood there, my mascara wand still in my hand, and typed out a quick response. Her issues with her parents had slowly been building over the past couple days, but we’ve hardly talked enough for me to know any intricate details.

I didn’t know exactly what was happening with Skye right now...but it was blatantly obvious that she’d never been too fond of her immediate family.

**Charlotte:** if you feel like that’s the right thing to do, then go for it. also, which friend are you asking for?

**Skye:** who do you think? me, genius. weren’t you valedictorian or something?

**Charlotte:** oh jeez, please don’t smudge my precious title with such atrocities 🤪 and, if you were wondering, i don’t know how to change a last name but i can bet that leila does. she knows a lot about those types of things.

**Skye:** what kind of things?

**Charlotte:** very, very odd things that randomly come up like this. seriously, ask her. also tell her that she should sleep in her own bed tonight.

**Skye:** okay. i’ll see if I can wake her up. proceed with whatever you were doing.

Hopefully, if Skye plays the cards I gave her correctly, I could talk to Leila again tonight...if I can make it through today in one piece first. I finished up my mascara and jumbled my makeup bag together, hurrying to finish getting ready.

*

*

_September 5th, 2020_

_Dear Diary..._

_So. How’s life, diary? Boring? Uneventful? Grueling? Exhausting? Infuriating? Yeah, I guess I can relate to that._

_Life has been...chaotic, to say the least. Here’s a quick rundown._

_I’m worried about Skye. I don’t know why, but I just have a feeling in my gut that something isn’t right. Her texts have been odd, her behavior has been sporadic - her overall mood has just been so gloomy. I don’t think I’ve seen her genuinely happy since the party when she was with Leila._

_Erin? I feel bad for her. She’s been so off since we got coffee. It makes me wonder what happened. Rory did tell me something about her losing her grandma a few years ago along with her grandpa’s grief, but could that really be the kicker if it was long ago? I don’t know. But I’d rather not play guessing games in case that really is the thing affecting her. I don’t want to intrude...but at the same time, I want to make sure she’s okay. How do I do that without prying into her personal life? Again, I have no idea._

_Rory is neutral. He’s laid back, as always, but I feel like he’s hiding something? Kinda like Erin, but he’s a lot more reserved; maybe that’s because he’s an actor._

_Ajay is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but he’s literally a labyrinth. Once I figure something out, I’m at yet another fork in the road. It’s like he has millions of mysteries...oh, and I’m meeting his family today._

_As for me, I guess I’m doing alright, besides the fact that Leila is still M.I.A. when I need her most. Adjusting to NYU has been okay, too. I just wish it was easier on my brain to comprehend all of these new experiences, good and bad. I’m also debating on doing the show - I might just save it for next year when I have my life in order, but who the hell knows. (Not me!)_

_College, as a whole, has been quite lackluster so far, to say the least. I wouldn’t go as far as saying boring - because it’s been faaaar from boring - but it definitely has been slacking on the fun spectrum. Hopefully I can fix that by patching things up with Leila. And...meeting Ajay’s family, of course. Because that’s not weird at all._

_Updates to come soon, and, yes, I hope they’re good._

_Charlotte <3_  
*

*

Wearing a flannel was a good option, right? Or maybe a cute long sleeve with a scarf? What about a dress? Is this a formal occasion? 

On second thought, maybe that’s a little too much.

Half of my closet was on the floor and I had just over ten minutes to finish getting ready. I’ve been standing here like this for almost thirty minutes; confused, excited, and even more confused. Not having the right outfit was a girl’s nightmare, _especially_ when a very dashing boy was involved. 

( _Oh, and don’t even get me started on how I was meeting said cute boy’s family..._ )

I finally caved in and decided on a simple maroon, grey, and white flannel with a black long sleeve and dark skinny jeans. It seemed versatile for the weather but also fitting for the occasion. Pair the outfit with my black Chuck Taylor’s and a light jacket and I was ready to roll. 

And, yes, I made the mature decision to just leave my clothes piled up in front of my closet. They could wait.

After I was all dressed and my hair was tamed in a high ponytail, I heard a knock on the door.

I opened it to find Ajay wearing a _similar_ outfit, except his flannel was in the basic red and black pattern. He looked up from his phone at just the right time and gave me the tiniest hint of a smirk.

_~~I couldn’t get over how handsome he looked.~~ _

“Okay, we need to stop matching all the time.” I teased, playfully rolling my eyes. This made him laugh, so much so that he actually gave me a genuine smile. Also, I think I may have caught a small glimpse of a blush. What the heck?

“Flannels are usually what people wear during the fall season. It’s honestly not that surprising,” Ajay hummed, replacing his phone with his car keys. “You ready to go?”

I smiled and gave a quick nod, quickly following him towards the stairs and out towards a door that led to the parking lot - which he held open for me. “Oh, thank you!”

He laughed again. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so...giggly. Of course I’ve only known him for a little over a month, but it just felt like I’d known him for my entire life. I took comfort in the thought of having the ability to be myself around him. It was like a breath of fresh air.

But this sudden giggle fit that came over him? Super, super weird. Almost concerning. 

“You’re welcome,” Ajay winked. I snorted at the response as we walked out to his car. The temperature was definitely nippy; I felt a little gust of wind ease past my layers.

It was when I finally clicked my seat belt that he spoke again.

“Wanna go get coffee? I’ll pay.” Ajay asked, his eyes searching mine. Or were they scanning my face? I couldn’t exactly tell when they were moving around so quickly.

“Sure, though I might get a hot chocolate instead. And I get to pay next time because I still owe you.” I chided, narrowing my eyes at him in a way that was sure to make him crack. Sure enough, I watched his expression go from suave to considerate. He looked away to put the key into the ignition and rev his car to life.

“You never actually owed me anything, but if it makes you feel better, your presence today will be payment enough. Excessive, even.” He sighed, fiddling with the steering wheel. His expression softened into something more thoughtful, something more tender, when he looked back at me. “Thank you for coming with me today. Seriously.”

For some reason, that was just enough to send my heart into an unexpected frenzy.

“Of course,” I smiled, giving his shoulder a poke, “but I don’t exactly know _why._ ”

Ajay frowned for a second before covering it up with a rueful smile.

“You’re a very level-headed and sensible person, and I think that’s what I’ll need in order to get through this day.” Ajay said carefully. His tone made it sound like he had _much_ more that he wanted to say. “It also helps that you’re fun to be around.”

Awww, how sweet.

_~~Wait, why was he being so sweet? What’s happening? Why isn’t he being snarky or sarcastic like usual...~~ _

I couldn’t manage any words, so in their place, I gave him a shy smile. That seemed to be enough because he smiled, just the same, back at me.

Needless to say, it took my breath away. It stopped the palpitations of my heart. It slowed the Earth on its axis, held it in place for just a fraction of a second to let me savor the moment. Why? Well, because it was Ajay; according to Erin, it took a lot of character out of a person to make him smile like that.

Hmm.

*

*

“How’s your hot chocolate?” Ajay asked, looking at me critically. We sat in Beany Business again, though this time at a table for two tucked away in a corner of the shop. It was very serene, especially with the coffee scent lingering in the air. I got an intoxicating sniff of vanilla as a woman breezed past our table and thought immediately to the Golden Griddle back at home.

“Amazing, of course,” I smiled, taking a generous sip of it before speaking again, “Thanks for buying.”

“My pleasure, for the fifth time.” Ajay responded, his eyes softening _again._ It was almost an unnoticeable change in his eye, though you could tell it was there. His usual stark and stoic gaze was replaced with one warmer, one overflowing with... _something_...aside from normal.

“So, is there anything I should know about your family before we go? Anything super duper important?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t too sudden of a question. Ajay’s eyes (sadly) returned to their normal state and he cleared his throat, casting his eyes down at the rustic table. His fingertips traced a dark knot wedged in the light wooden grain, his expression growing distant.

“Well, for starters, my mom and my dad divorced right before I came to NYU. So the guy that’ll be there is not my actual dad,” Ajay explained, his tone calm. I nodded thoughtfully - he seemed to notice, taking in a deep breath and exhaling it slowly.

“Oh, okay.” I breathed, not wanting to make him even more uncomfortable. “Well, what about your brother?” I added instead of pushing further, hoping to lighten the mood. 

A small smile broke out across his face.

“Mohit. He’s going to be thirteen in a few weeks. He’ll talk your ear off, so beware.” Ajay laughed, shaking his head. “He’s a huge fan of anything historical, sci-fi, action, even anything relating to an apocalyptic society--”

I gasped, cutting him off. “Is he allowed to watch _The Walking Dead?_ ” 

I watched as Ajay proceeded to nod and roll his eyes. “Oh, dear _god,_ you too? It’s so fake and impractical! What kind of apocalypse would--”

“Shh, wait. Have you even _watched_ the show?”

He shook his head and was about to speak before I cut him off with a playful wag of my finger. “Okay, then, you shouldn’t be formulating an opinion. You need to watch it so it all makes sense.”

“Absolutely not,” Ajay sighed, “it’s too--”

“Scary? Gory? Cheesy?” I teased, watching him roll his eyes.

“It’s exceedingly _stupid,_ ” Ajay corrected, arching an eyebrow. He sipped his coffee, rolling his eyes. “Anyway. He’s a bit shy, but once he’s out of his shell, you won’t find a way to shut him up.”

“Hey, that kinda sounds familiar. Being talkative must run in the family.” I giggled, hoping to make him smile again. He had such a nice smile.

Spoiler alert, my plan worked a little too well. He was a grinning _fiend._

“I guess so,” Ajay hummed before realizing his mistake, “wait, hey! I’m actually _not_ that talkative.”

“Mhmm. If you keep telling yourself that, it might come true.” I teased, watching him hide his growing smile and blush behind his cup as he took another drink from his coffee.

And, just like that, this whole “visit the family” thing didn’t seem so bizzare; all he needed was some support. I’d happily be his support human for a day.

_~~I’d be his support human any time he needed, actually.~~_  
*

*

The drive to Brooklyn wasn’t bad at _all._ Ajay pointed out all these little places on the way - his old elementary school, his local theater, his favorite bakery, even an aquarium.

“First animal you’d visit in an aquarium, go.” Ajay asked, glancing at me as he made a turn onto a side street lined with craftsman-styled houses. It only took me a mere second of thought before I blurted it out.

“Clownfish,” I said, watching the houses pass by out the window, “they’ve been my first stop since I watched _Finding Nemo_ when I was six. I couldn’t get enough of them.”

Ajay nodded thoughtfully. “Interesting. Any particular reason why they stood out to you?”

I was a little confused about why he was asking, but I answered anyway. “I think it was the colors that drew me in at first. Then I noticed that they’re so vivid and stand out from lots of the other fish in the aquarium. I guess I was just drawn to their irregularity and how they stood out among the other fish in the sea.”

This made him smile. Why did it make him smile? God, I just want to know what’s going on in his mind! This really makes me wish that I could hear people’s thoughts.

“That makes so much sense,” Ajay said under his breath, his tone teasing, “you’re exactly like a clownfish.”

Not what I was expecting. Not...in the slightest.

“I...what? Explain, please!” I laughed, watching Ajay smirk. It was quick, but I saw his eyes flick over to mine again. It was like he’d wanted to make sure I was watching him or something? I don’t know; sometimes I was bad at reading people, especially the grand maze that was Ajay. “How in the world...do I relate to a _clownfish?_ ”

He was quiet for a moment, but then he found his voice. It sounded so gentle, so smooth. This was another major contrast from his usual; his voice wasn’t anywhere near a heavy baritone, though it wasn’t pitchy. It was the perfect mix of a monotoned bass and a shrill that made it sound rich, if that makes sense. It sounded so pure and full of life, but at the same time, so calm and grounded.

“You and a clownfish just have a lot in common.” Ajay smiled, his voice even softer. His entire demeanor today was just so...odd. Maybe his sarcastic personality came and went with the summer season, and now he’s loosening up because it’s autumn; new season, new attitude.

“You don’t really have much in common with an octopus,” I mumbled, desperately trying to scan my brain for an animal he related to. It was really, really hard to focus when he started laughing...for what seemed like the gazillionth time that day. So much that I lost all semblance of the thought and instead focused on how warm and carefree his laugh sounded.

“I hope not. Does it look like I have eight arms? If it does, you might wanna get your eyes checked.”

Oh my god. _Oh my god._ Where did this damn wall of bricks come from, and why did I have to crash into it now, out of all times? _Okay,_ I mused, _whatever. No worries. Just forget about it and continue with the conversation._

“ _Actually,_ I have perfect vision, thank you.” I chided in response, my tone light. This made him heave a dramatic sigh.

And, in the moment, I felt at peace somehow. Here I was, about to meet some guy’s family...and I felt relaxed. But was Ajay really "just some guy" now?

Maybe college _is_ changing me.

*

*

About five minutes later, Ajay pulled up on a curb in front of a cozy-looking townhouse. It was painted a baby blue, a stark contrast from the brick houses and rustic-looking properties throughout the neighborhood.

“This is it,” Ajay breathed anxiously, “we’re here.”

He had a nervous look when I glanced at him. His hands shook a bit, too. So, mustering up all the courage I had, I took one of them in my own. He gasped and straightened his posture, but didn’t say anything. I obviously caught him by surprise, though he just sat there. Speechless. I didn’t even know if he was breathing until he relaxed with a huge sigh.

I squeezed his hand reassuringly until it stopped shaking. During that time, I realized that I didn’t even know why he’d been so nervous, but given his already-panicked state, I made the executive decision to _not_ ask right now.

“You got this. I’ll be right there with you, too.” I grinned, watching him take deep breaths. “I’m like your support human!”

He let out a fond chuckle and it masked his anxiety for a quick moment before returning to normal. “Ready to go in?”

“Only if you are, mister director.” I grinned.

*

*

“ _Bhai!_ ” A voice screamed, then a figure darted from the doorway and straight into Ajay’s arms. It must’ve been Ajay’s little brother, Mohit, but he was almost as tall as I was. Have preteens always been that tall or was I just short?

“Mo!” Ajay beamed, embracing Mohit tightly. He looked relaxed during the span of the hug and it eased the butterflies in my stomach, but they all came fluttering back when Ajay’s eyes met mine. He pulled away from the boy and gently spun him around by the shoulders to face me. “Mohit, this is Charlotte. Charlotte, this is Mohit.”

Mohit’s cheeks darkened in color the longer he looked at me, though his smile was still bright. “Hello, Charlotte!”

“Hi!” I smiled, sticking my hand out. He shook it eagerly. “I’ve heard many things about you, Mohit.”

His expression went from curious to confused in a matter of a second, causing me to laugh. It’s official; Mohit is the cutest kid I’ve ever met. Without a doubt.

“Okay, I've been dying to ask. What's your favorite season of _The Walking Dead?_ ” I asked with a humored smile, watching as Mohit’s expression brightened tenfold. Ajay rolled his eyes but still smiled.

“Oh my god, _bhai_ , you’re dating someone who likes--” Mohit laughed, only being cut off by Ajay’s light punch to his shoulder that made him grumble a bit.

“We’re not dating, Mo. We’re friends.” Ajay said in a neutral tone, an intense blush flooding his cheeks. He glanced at me with apologetic eyes...but also, longing ones. I wanted to confirm the fact that I was just friend zoned, but with those eyes? I don’t think I could.

~~_Does this mean...? Wait, whatever. Nope, not gonna think about that._ ~~

Mohit was about to retort before I heard someone call from inside. It was a woman’s voice, so if I could guess, it was Ajay’s mom.

“Who’s at the door, Mohit? Please tell me that the Girl Scouts from your school aren’t here to bribe us again...”

Ajay tensed immediately when a woman appeared at the door. She was about Ajay’s height with black hair that was starting to grey at the roots. I could instantly see the resemblance between her and Ajay; the same eyes, the same faint splatter of freckles, the same nose. It was wild whenever I got to see the similarities between parents and their kids solely because I never got to do that with my own parents. I always wondered if I looked more like my mom or my dad...

“Amma,” Ajay said tentatively, “um, hi.”

Ajay’s mom was shocked into silence, her mouth agape and her eyes blown wide. Unlike Ajay, she didn’t have glasses, so it was easier to distinguish the different hues of brown in her eyes.

After a moment of silence on her end, Ajay’s mom smiled widely. Her grin looked more like Mohit’s, so I’m guessing Ajay had inherited his smile from his dad.

“Ajay, _beta_ , you’re home!” She bellowed, rushing forward to pull him into a hug. Ajay gasped in surprise, but wrapped his arms around her hesitantly a few seconds later. “I thought you’d forgotten about us!”

I laughed quietly, though instantly regretted it. The woman pulled back and looked directly at me, a curious yet teasing look in her eye.

“Uh, hi, Mrs. Bhandari. I’m Charlotte, a friend of Ajay’s.” I stuttered, watching the woman start to smirk. Now _that_ was terrifyingly similar to Ajay’s smirk, but that’s not important. What _was_ important was how she stared at me; her gaze analyzing me from head to toe.

“Hello, _Charlotte._ I’m Shruti.” _Shruti_ started, meeting my eyes briefly before turning back to Ajay. She whispered something in a complete different language (he was bilingual?) that made Ajay sputter and blush.

“ _Amma!_ ” Ajay seethed. I couldn’t tell why, but Shruti started laughing hysterically while Mohit held in a giggle. Ajay helplessly looked at me with a sigh.

“Okay, okay, can we go inside? Please? I’m getting cold.” Ajay begged, nose now scrunched. I’ve never seen him do that, but I could already tell I wanted it to happen more often. It was _adorable._

“Alright. Remember to take your shoes off before you walk all over my new carpet, though.” Shruti hummed before retreating inside, followed by Mohit. I started to make my way inside, though was held back by Ajay’s warm hand grasping my wrist and pulling me back. I involuntarily gasped at the sudden contact, but managed to keep my surprise under wraps enough for him to barely notice.

“I’m sorry about them in advance,” Ajay mumbled, his eyes on his hand wrapped around my wrist, “they can be...a lot. Especially when my friends are involved.”

I put my steady free hand on top of his and watched him jolt a bit in surprise.

“I think I’ll be able to manage, but if I don’t, you can say “I told you so” later. Deal?”

He heaved another sigh (one that sounded extremely relieved) and dropped my wrist. “Deal.”

*

*

The house was charming. Ajay and Mohit had taken me on a little tour around, Mohit pointing to all the baby pictures of Ajay while the latter tried to focus my attention on other places to save himself from further embarrassment. It was sweet, really.

We’d just finished probing the first floor when I heard the front door open again.

“Shruti, Mo, I’m home!” A gruff voice called from the entryway, the sound of plastic bags rustling. I glanced over at Ajay and found a trace of a scowl on his face. I took another glance at Mohit and found that he’d just been rolling his eyes. I don’t know what he was rolling his eyes about, but his enthusiastic energy had faded.

“In here, sweetie!” Shruti called from the dining room. She’d busied herself with sewing a quilt, one that she said she’d give to Ajay for his birthday next year.

I heard Ajay let out a sigh and, out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Mohit jabbed Ajay in the side with his elbow. It wasn’t malicious or anything, though you could still see that neither one of them were pleased with Jim’s arrival, nor did they look thrilled about their mom’s response.

“Charlotte, that’s...” Mohit sighed, looking over to me before Ajay huffed out to complete the sentence.

“Jim.”

“He’s our soon-to-be stepdad,” Mohit said as he took a deep breath, desperate to keep his tone neutral, “their, uh, wedding is in March.”

This is all starting to make sense now and I understand why Ajay wanted some form of company. He did not like this so-called Jim that was his soon-to-be stepdad, and by the looks of it, neither did Mohit.

“Do you guys--” I started, though I heard a loud laugh come from the direction of the dining room.

“ _Jim!_ Ah, the kids are down the hall!” Shruti giggled, her voice sounding breathless. Ajay and Mohit visually reeled back, covering their ears.

“Make it _stop_...” Mohit whined, shaking his head. Ajay huffed and looked directly at me.

“Let’s go upstairs and deal with them later?” Ajay asked, his eyes desperate. I nodded, though felt a knot start to form in my stomach. I thought I knew why, too...but that's a thought for later.

All the sudden, I felt a dull buzz from my purse that freaked me out. With a glance at the boys, they'd noticed something was up.

“Yeah, that sounds good, but can I use the restroom? I promise I’ll be quick.” I asked, watching Mohit peek around Ajay and point down the hall.

“Down that way and take a right,” Mohit explained, “we’ll be upstairs when you’re done!”

Ajay gave me a small smile before he and Mohit disappeared up the stairs behind them, leaving me to quickly dash to the restroom.

*

*

I double-checked that the door was locked behind me before I whipped my phone out from my purse to see that I had several missed texts from Leila.

_Leila?!_

Her first message was timed about ten minutes ago.

**Leila:** Look. I know we’re not speaking rn, but I’m worried about Skye. Something’s up and I feel like my spidey senses are tingling...you know what I mean by that.

Her second was timed about a minute ago, then she just kept sending them from there.

**Leila:** Charlotte please answer. This isn’t about the stuff between us.

**Leila:** God if it makes you feel better I take full blame for what happened. I’m sorry, okay? You’re not helpless and you’re not dependent and I don’t feel like I need to protect you. You just made me so angry and you weren’t listening so I had to come up with something to make you listen. Obv I went too far and I regret it a lot. I’m sorry.

**Leila:** Yeah. So. Now that I’ve officially made this convo awkward, please just call me or something. We’ll have a heart to heart later, but I’m worried about Skye right now. That’s what’s important now, not this squabble of ours.

**Leila:** And boy, do I have stuff to rant to you about from over the past couple weeks.

At some point while I was reading, my hand covering my mouth. My eyebrows knitted together and I looked at my reflection in the mirror, debating how I should respond.

It wasn’t like I don’t believe Leila; I really, truly do. She isn’t one to speak so vulnerably about herself, so the fact that she did that and admitted to being the cause of our argument...

Speechless wasn’t strong enough of a word. Let’s try flabbergasted?

Panic quickly sunk in and my thumbs gained minds of their own, typing out a message.

**Charlotte:** yeah definitely. for the record, i forgive you and i’m sorry for getting so worked up about it. but we’ll go more in-depth with that later. anyway, fill me in with what’s happening with skye. i’m with ajay at his mom’s house rn

I knew she’d been waiting for me to respond, but her immediate answer was unexpected. I was _flabbergasted_ , I guess you could say.

**Leila:** Okay cool glad you saw reason. And, may I kindly ask, WHAT???

**Leila:** Why’re you with Ajay at his MOM’S HOUSE? What have I missed? Charlotte freaking Parker, you better answer me!!!

**Charlotte:** details later, ma’am. skye is our focus now. gimme updates like your life depends on em, because it really kinda does.

**Leila:** She isn’t talking to me, or Erin, or Rory rn...she hasn’t even opened the last text I sent her. It’s been like three hours and I’m just worried. Oh, and Erin? She’s been acting all ~sensitive~ lately too. Even Rory? God, everyone is so damn fragile!

**Charlotte:** trust me, i’ve noticed, but let me finish up here. there isn’t much i can do atm and i can’t stay in this bathroom forever. but let’s talk tonight? i’m glad we’re on speaking terms again...i’ve missed you.

**Leila:** Same. And you WILL tell me every single gory detail about what I’ve missed in your life, especially about all the happenings with Ajay. I expect a kiss somewhere...

**Charlotte:** hahaha that's funny

**Leila:** Wow? Well. Okay. So. Have fun, but not toooo much, if you catch my drift lol

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help the blush that spread across my skin like wildfire. I knew I missed her, but I didn’t realize how much until now. Of course we weren’t back to normal _yet_ \- because texts are literally _worthless_ in this kind of a situation - but that’d come with time, as all things do. At least we were talking again.

I immediately pocketed my phone when I glanced at the time - 11:23 A.M. Seven minutes could definitely seem suspicious, so I quickly washed and dried my hands before I bolted out the door and up the stairs.

Whatever was waiting back at NYU: Leila and our heart-to-heart, Skye and Erin with their mysterious problems, Rory with his own puzzle that may not even be something worth doting over...wouldn’t be secrets much longer. Especially this one that I’m trying to solve right now...

Ajay.


	8. chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Let's see if I can do this right this time! lol (I'm so bad at working AO3 it's not even funny...)
> 
> Aaaanyway. Hi! I'm so sorry for the radio silence...I've had tons on my plate lately - but that won't stop me from keeping up with this series! No rest for the wicked, right? :)
> 
> Warnings: mentions of divorce and minor injuries (nothing graphic)

Holy crap.

It was wild being back here.

Did I feel like an alien right when I walked through the door? Absolutely. The whole house just felt different. It lost the usual homey feeling and, instead, felt foreign. The squeak of the wooden steps beneath my feet didn’t even sound the same as it used to.

Mohit and I started to make our way upstairs after Charlotte retreated to the bathroom, the door closing softly behind her. A rare silence fell between us and, finally, I was able--

"Oh my god, Ajay. You brought a _girl_ over. A _girl_ who isn’t your _girlfriend?_ " Mohit teased, poking my arm as we walked down a short hallway. 

So much for silence. Oh, and when Mo said that? I blushed. Profusely. Still, I had to put on a neutral face and hope that my sudden sheepishness didn’t shine through.

"Since when are you an expert on romance?" I quipped, rolling my eyes before I shot him a teasing look. "Do you have something to tell me, Mo? Maybe something about a future sibling-in-law?"

Mohit instantly reeled back in disgust. "Eww! No!"

God, I missed this kid. I ruffled his hair and looked around at the room we wound up in. It had been my dad’s old office, but since the divorce, it just sat there useless (well, so I thought?). All of his stuff stayed because he had to downsize for that stupid little Manhattan apartment, so I guess Mohit took it over. It was littered with soda cans and empty candy wrappers, but smelt like the clean linen Febreeze that Amma spritzed around the house on an everyday basis.

It's been too, too long since I’ve been here. I knew I should’ve been here the past few summers.

I shook the recurring thoughts away and turned back to my brother, who seemingly grew a whole two feet since I last saw him. Crazy.

"It's okay to have a crush, Mo. There's no sense in hiding it. You know I'll find out eventually."

_(I guess I could say the same to myself.)_

Dismissing the subject entirely with a shake of his head, Mohit let out a dramatic sigh. "What're we doing up here, again? Hiding from Amma and Jim?"

That was such a villainous way to put it. Obviously, though, he was right. I didn't want to see Jim all lovey-dovey with Amma. Now that was gross.

"Just Jim," I responded, "which is why _you_ will go down and greet him first when the time comes. I need to talk to Charlotte before I say hello."

Mohit wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Oh, I I bet. Through some _smooooches--_ ”

I mercilessly smacked him upside the head...but, out of some decency, it wasn’t as hard as I wanted it to be.

"Oh dear god, Mo. We aren't going to do anything but talk."

"Hmm," Mohit hummed, still sounding suspicious, "if you say so..."

Just then, before I could respond, Charlotte appeared at the doorway with her arms folded. "Hey. I'm not interrupting any guy talk, am I?"

Mohit laughed, but I chose to ignore it. 

" _No,_ you're not interrupting anything. Come on in." I smiled. I hoped my voice sounded normal because I couldn’t seem to get her out of my head. Thanks, Mohit.

_~~Oh my god...so much for keeping my distance from her...~~ _

She walked in and instantly made herself at home on the couch. I mindlessly followed and sat on the opposite side while Mohit (disappointingly) squished himself in the middle with a proud grin.

"Now what?" Charlotte asked, her eyes flitting over to mine. They were such a beautiful blue that reminded me of the ocean. Though, before I could drown myself in the feeling and become overwhelmed, I looked at Mohit's ponder instead.

"It won't take much time for Amma to tell Jim that Ajay's here, so I don’t think we’ll have time to do much." Mohit shrugged. "Well, depending how long you guys stay."

I looked back up to Charlotte, willing myself to hold her gaze this time around before her eyes met mine again. My stomach tied in on itself with just a glance, and that was just due to her eyes. When she smiled, my heart started to race. Pound, even. It was so loud in my ears that I could barely hear her response.

"That’s okay. What about that comic collection you were talking about earlier?" Charlotte grinned, sending me a discreet wink that left me stumbling over my thoughts even further.

"Yeah! You absolutely _need_ to see--" Mohit rambled before I clamped a hand over his mouth. He was _not_ going to interrupt this moment for me with another one of his obsessions. Her eyes were still on mine, her gaze soft. It was such a perfect moment. 

"Let's do it." I said, not looking away from her. In result, I watched her face redden a bit and her smile brighten, if that was even possible.

As much as I loathed Mohit’s (extremely boring and stereotypical) comics, I _guess_ I could tolerate them for a little while. So long as Jim doesn’t know I’m here, we were alright.

*

*

Mohit finished up explaining his entire _suitcase_ of comics before I heard a faint squeak from the stairs. I decided to lean against the threshold of Mo’s room while he and Charlotte geeked out over his Batman collection, but I immediately regretted the choice when I felt a small hand on my shoulder.

“Ajay, sweetie,” Amma whispered, “I told Jim that you’re here.”

My entire frame tensed at his name, but I held in my scowl. Instead, I let out a heavy sigh that caught both Mohit and Charlotte’s attention.

“He’ll be downstairs waiting when you three are ready. He’s watching a game of cricket.” Amma smiled before making her way back downstairs. 

“ _I’m missing it!_ Jim, you liar!” Mohit shouted before sprinting out of the room and thundering down the stairs. You could hear a faint thump and a brief yelp at the bottom.

For moments after that, it was silent in Mo’s room, though my mind raced with all of the possibilities. All of the worries. All of the fears.

Admittedly, I’ve had these looming fears for years, but they’d gone dormant the more time I spent away from home. I’ve always thought that I was the one who caused all of this turmoil within my family because of my college expenses - which, to say, is a _lot_ of green - and that I could’ve avoided it entirely. Amma would never say that I’d caused them immense debt to my face, and neither would Dad. 

But, to be real, they didn’t have to.

I can distinctly remember the night before they broke the news. It was during the last few weeks of high school and I had been doing math homework angrily. I was stressed and because math was a spawn from the deepest depths of hell, it wasn’t something I wanted to spend my time on. My pencil bolted across the paper, sometimes squeaking with how hard I’d been writing. After a while, though, I realized the squeaks were turning into coherent words.

Yelling, coming from the kitchen downstairs.

It was maddening to hear, so I tried to tune it out as usual, but then I heard the three familiar words come up: “the college money”.

I dangerously decided to bring it up at breakfast the next morning and apologize; it felt like the only thing I could do. Amma swooped in to shoo away the apology seconds after it tumbled out of my mouth...while Dad only sat there. _She_ was the one who encouraged me while my dad sat on the sidelines, like always. 

That’s really when I realized that my mom was tired of it. Tired of being the only one to give a damn about anything happening in our lives. So she put an end to her problem and filed for divorce. They told me only a few minutes after I’d brought up their fight.

To this day, I feel like I was the hearth. The origins of it all, only because of my desperation for success. To become someone who left a small stamp on this chaotic world.

“Ajay?” Charlotte asked from across the room, snapping me from my thoughts. Her eyes were slanted with concern, and the emotion only grew when I didn’t respond.

With Charlotte around, I felt like I could be my own person. Not be the person who’s parents divorced because of him and not the snarky director. I could be myself with her without having to feel any guilt or shame. This is why I wanted to keep her close; she was the only person who understood what it felt like to be judged. To be an outsider. To be distinctly different from everyone else. 

She was starting to seem like my other half, and as days passed, I noticed that the feeling was only growing stronger. That scared me to death, _especially_ if she decided to do the show. Then I’d really have to call this off and protect myself. 

_~~I’m not going to put myself through hell again.~~ _

“ _Ajay,_ ” Charlotte shouted, her eyes now amused. I cleared my throat and shook my head to clear the thoughts away. “You okay?” 

With a quick nod and an extremely unconvincing smile, I gestured for her to follow me out the door.

“Just fine, um,” I said, my racing thoughts never slowing. Forming coherent sentences with a jumbled-up brain never had a good outcome, so I let my thoughts organize themselves for a moment before responding. “Let’s go downstairs before Amma nags us again.”

She nodded and hesitantly followed me out of the room. I tried to relax with a deep breath, but that just felt like suffocation. So I did _not_ do that again in fear that I’d pass out or embarrass myself even more.

Once we got downstairs, I felt a rush of panic course through my veins. Charlotte noticed my missing presence and stopped.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked softly, worry flooding her eyes as she turned to me. I searched them for the longest second of my life, and finally, let myself take an actual deep breath.

“Yeah, sorry.” I sighed, shaking my head, “I just _really_ don’t want to do this. It’s...”

Charlotte lit up with a small smile for a moment before it disappeared. “You don’t have to explain. I get it.” Then, without any semblance of warning, she quickly wrapped her arms around me and held me in a tight embrace.

This felt nice. My arms found their way around her small frame after a few seconds, trying to reciprocate the vice-like grip she had around me. I felt her head rest against my shoulder, and for a moment, this felt...natural. It was the same feeling as holding her hand for the first time back at the party.

“You’ll be alright. Just remember to breathe and you should make it through without a scratch,” Charlotte smiled before pulling away slowly, “but you’re making them wait, old man. C’mon.”

I missed her warmth, and I think it showed. She laughed, stepping into my space again. The sound put me at ease, so much so that I lost control of myself and glanced down at her lips. They were a velvety pink, layered in a thin veil of lip balm. From this close, I could tell it was infused with peppermint.

_~~God, I am a sucker for anything peppermint--~~ _

_~~No,~~_ I thought to myself, _~~you can’t do that. You shouldn’t hurt yourself more. She doesn’t feel the same!~~_

With great strength, I stepped away entirely. Charlotte looked confused, so I gave her a relaxed smile to show that I was okay. It was weird to have someone other than Rory to help calm me down - it was alleviating to be able to confide in someone else.

“Right, because we’re missing a cricket game. I’m devastated!” I sighed, a slight humorous twinge in my tone. I could tell she picked it up when she giggled and slipped her hand into mine.

“You are _such_ a dork...” Charlotte teased, shaking her head and squeezing my hand reassuringly. Every time she held my hand, my heart would stop. Of course this time wasn’t an exception, but in this moment, I squeezed back.

*

*

It’d been at least fifteen minutes since Charlotte and I silently slipped into the living room. We stood very close to the exit in case I had to make a mad dash to the car.

Jim was completely oblivious to our presence before Amma discreetly took the remote off the coffee table and paused the game of cricket. My heart dropped when he looked to my mom...then, following her gaze, looked right into my eyes.

All the feelings I’d pushed down _years_ ago - disappointment, guilt, anger, confusion - started to emerge the longer our gazes were tied. However, this seemed to be a one way street of thought. He smiled at god-awful smile at me, the same one that probably lured my mom in. Disgusting.

“Well, if it isn’t the college boy,” Jim grinned, standing and making his way over to stand in front of me and holding his fist out, “how’s it going?” 

Swallowing my pride (well, er, _attitude_ ), I gave Jim a tight-lipped smile, trying to hide my grimace as I forced my fist to bump his. It was really bad acting on my part, but I don’t think he had enough of a functioning brain cell to notice. 

“It’s been...going okay, I guess.” I said, willing my teeth to not grit against each other; that’d make the entire situation worse. Amma’s eyes had already caught mine over his shoulder and she had shaken her head disapprovingly at my attitude. Jim, however, was completely oblivious to the action and turned his attention to Charlotte instead. 

“You must be Charlotte,” Jim said, his usual warm smile brightening and his hand extending for her to shake. It made me want to hurl. “Shruti told me that you’re one of Ajay’s friends from NYU?” 

Charlotte, thankfully, was her normal kind self as she shook his hand. “That’s me! Nice to meet you, Jim. Ajay’s said _nothing_ but good things about you.” 

She caught my eye and gave the slightest wink. 

“Oh! Well, that’s nice to hear. Why don’t you guys come and sit? There’s plenty of couch space to go around...” 

Amma gestured to the small loveseat-like sofa on the far side of the living room, and of course, gave me her all-too-familiar teasing eyes. She really was looking to embarrass me. 

Before I had the chance to retaliate, Charlotte walked over and sat politely. She waved me over, and so with a sigh, I sat next to her with a now-familiar heat in my cheeks. It wasn’t the fact that I was sitting next to her that made me coy, but rather that I was in my childhood house with a man - who wasn’t my father - now cuddling my mother. It was weird and made me _beyond_ uncomfortable, and then add in how the girl I liked was seated right next to me...I was just a mess. 

"So, um, I heard that the two of you are getting married?” Charlotte piped up after a few moments of silence. My eyes met Mo’s across the room and I could immediately tell he was tuning out of the conversation. Honestly, the idea didn’t sound so bad. 

“March seventh of next year!” Amma beamed, showing off her left hand. A small ring on her ring finger sparkled in the light, and I could just feel a tsunami of hurt crash right over me. I don’t care how long it’s been since the divorce. It still hurts as much as it did a few years ago. 

“That’s exciting. How has the planning been going?” Charlotte asked, trying to keep the conversation light; her voice was soft, but it was serious. It was missing her usual preppy tone, which to say, was odd. 

I heard Amma talking, but I decided to tune out of the conversation. 

Of course I was happy for Amma. I was glad that she found her happiness and that she could find someone else. My problem, however, was what she settled for. Jim wasn’t anything interesting. A dentist that enjoyed the outdoors and European sports - so what? Amma has always been an adventurous and bold woman, so why’d she decide on someone so...bland? My dad was an adrenaline junkie that won her heart with a simple motorcycle ride into the sunset. 

How do you go from that...to Jim? In what world does that make sense? 

In my opinion, no one likes the dentist and you’d have to be crazy to go hiking by a will of choice. Mother Nature was one hell of a force to mess with, and to put your life in her unpredictable hands _willingly?_ You’d _have_ to be danger levels of psycho. 

Plus, it didn’t help that Amma and Jim got together only a month after the divorce. It was like the crappy cake holding the crappy frosting and crappy toppings. 

I hated, and still _do_ hate, their relationship with a burning passion. 

After the thoughts and discussions of their wedding (more so the thought of my mom officially being _his_ ) the house felt stuffy. The walls looked like they were closing in on me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. 

I needed to get out. Fast. 

_~~Why didn’t I stay by the door...~~_

"...and then the venue’s gardens. _Oh,_ they are to die for! Just div--” Amma sighed wistfully before I cleared my throat, catching everyone’s attention. 

“Um, sorry to cut this whole reunion short, but Charlotte and I have some stuff to do back at school.” I said, keeping any emotion out of my voice. Amma knew me too well; she’d be able to sniff out that lie like a bloodhound if I added any sort of emotional flair. 

Charlotte’s eyes scanned mine for a brief second before she nodded. “We were gonna go shopping at a store outside the city to get some dorm stuff.” 

I guess she really _is_ good at improv. Huh. Well, in any case, the white lie worked. 

“Oh! Alright. Don’t let us keep you. Traffic is terrible at this time of day,” Amma rambled, quickly standing and immediately going to the kitchen. The rustling of plastic and the closing of cabinets was all I heard before she came back into the living room. “Take some of these off of our hands!” 

She handed us a Tupperware container _filled_ with some of my favorites: Italian Pizzelle cookies. Amma always had them stocked in the house for some odd reason. 

“ _Dammit,_ Amma.” I said, trying my hardest not to let my smile get too big. “You give me these every single time I visit!” 

Her arms wrapped around me tightly, “I do. And I want that container back, so visit soon.” Amma’s eyes flicked over to where Charlotte was, laughing along with Mohit about what I could only presume to be comics, “Oh, and bring her, too.” 

“Oh my god--” I groaned in exasperation, rolling my eyes when she lightly hit me from where her hand was on my shoulder. 

“I can see that look in your eye, Ajay. Don’t even bother acting like you don’t like her, it’ll be a waste of your time.” 

Sigh. She has a point. 

“Instead...maybe you could make a move?” Amma whispered, pulling away and slightly angling her head in Charlotte’s direction. “I can see the same look in her eyes, too.” 

Reflexively, I looked over at Charlotte again and found her staring at me. When our eyes met, she hurriedly looked away while a faint rose tinted her cheeks, her hands coming up to tighten her ponytail in almost an embarrassed manner. 

_Adorable._

“Okay, go,” Amma sighed, “say goodbye to Jim, otherwise those cookies aren’t leaving this house.” 

With a nod and an invisible eye roll, I strolled over to Jim and held out my hand. It wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, but it was a lot better than him smushing me against his chest in a bear hug. The thought alone gave me chills. 

“It was nice seeing you today, sport,” Jim said, gripping my hand firmly and shaking it, “come over again soon. We miss having you around here, especially Mohit.” 

“Uh, right. Nice seeing you too, Jim.” 

_~~No, no it was not.~~_

Before I could even step away from Jim, Mohit barreled right into me. 

“You need to come over more often,” Mohit whined, “next time I see you I should crash at your dorm!” 

“No, no,” I immediately responded, still returning his embrace. “I’ll be over soon, Mo. I promise.” 

With that, he let go and turned to give Charlotte a hug. “See you soon, Charlotte!” 

Charlotte gave a giggle, her cheeks still recovering from her blush only a few moments before. She happily returned his hug. 

“See you soon, Mohit. Behave, or the comics get it.” Charlotte said before they both broke out into another fit of giggles. Jeez, maybe introducing these two was a bad idea. Wait, correction; introducing these two _was_ a bad idea. 

Now that they’d bonded and actually get along... _what am I going to do?_

* 

* 

The ride back was quiet, save for a small periodic hum from Charlotte as she watched the scenery outside the passenger window. It was a comfortable silence, but I could tell she had something on her mind. 

“You’re eerily quiet,” I said softly, keeping my eyes on the road, “what’s up?” 

_~~I knew I went too far, dammit! I’m such a--~~_

“Well, Leila texted me earlier...” Charlotte sighed. From the corner of my eye, I watched her shrink back into her seat. “She apologized and mentioned that something’s up with Skye.” 

“That only took a million years.” I said, trying to make her smile. Thankfully she took it as intended and laughed lightly. 

“Tell me about it. Anyway. I didn’t want to tell you back at your mom’s house. You looked...tense. I didn’t want to trouble you further.” 

Tense was _one_ word for it, for sure. _~~Also, why is she the sweetest?~~_

“My mom’s boyfriend, er, _fiancé_ has never been my favorite person. He tries too hard when he talks to me, makes me feel like I’m not really welcome at home anymore.” I said, careful to not reveal too much. She does have good advice, but she’s already going through so much turmoil herself... 

“That’s terrible.” Charlotte frowned, readjusting herself to sit properly in her seat. I could tell she turned towards me as she did so. “He seems nice, but you obviously have more experience with him, so why is he so bad?” 

Of course she’d want to know. She was curious in that way. 

“He’s a dentist, likes boring sports, enjoys the outdoors...” I grumbled, my hand mindlessly tightening on the wheel, “he took my dad’s place, though he’s just so _bland_ and _boring._ It irks me.” 

“Wait, so you don’t like him because he’s _boring?_ Out of all of the qualities in a person to hate, you chose _boring?_ ” Charlotte squeaked, her voice going up an octave out of pure curiosity and slight humor. “Would you rather her date a random, stuck-up billionaire from...like...Hollywood? With a name like Blaze or Lazer, maybe even _Blazer?_ ” 

“I don’t think the odds of--” 

“Oh my god, Ajay, just answer the question!” Charlotte laughed. I rolled my eyes fondly and sighed. 

“Probably not.” I answered, arching a questioning eyebrow at her. “Materialistic people are usually assholes unless you schmooze them and give them opportunities to get even more money.” 

“Exactly.” Charlotte smiled. “So I think Jim is an alright. It’s obvious that you don’t agree, though.” 

I knew she was right. I knew I’d been cornered and that it was almost impossible to prove another opposing point. Just by this information, _anyone_ could tell that she knew what she was doing. Was I even supposed to act annoyed? I was impressed, and I didn’t know how I could compliment her on it without coming off too strong. 

_~~Why are feelings so complicated...~~_

_~~Why can’t I just work up the courage--~~_

_~~Why did she have to be a theater kid...~~_

“Yeah, it was that way for a while.” Was all I could say; the phrase was brief, but the sentiment was the same. I appreciated that she gave me another perspective. 

It was silent after that; nothing awkward, but nothing too comfortable. 

“What’s been going on with you?” I asked, willing my voice to stay steady. _That sounded so awkward..._

“What about?” Charlotte hummed, not seeming to notice my nerves. “Like, with Leila, or Skye, or the diner, or--” 

“The diner,” I said, calmer this time, “have you heard anything?” 

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her shake her head briefly. 

“Absolutely nothing, but if I had to guess, things haven’t changed. My mom said she’d call me with updates, but I haven’t gotten any calls or texts from her in a while. It’s weird.” 

I nodded, trying to focus on the road ahead. This was usually an easy task, but with Charlotte next to me, it became...almost impossible. Infuriatingly so. With Kelly, I could control this. She didn’t make me blush as much. She didn’t make me smile or laugh as much. She didn’t make me this nervous. 

Just when I thought I knew what romance was, after Kelly, the rug just _had_ to be ripped out from beneath me. This only proves how difficult life can be. 

I had a high tolerance for everyday annoyances. Having a composure of steel was in a director’s job description. I had to put up with nonsense and chaos on a daily basis...but I’ve never had my patience tested quite like this. 

“Now _you’re_ too quiet.” Charlotte teased. I felt her poke my arm. “Spill.” 

My eyes flitted over to check my mirrors; rear, left, right. Though, when I looked to the right, I caught Charlotte studying me intently, her eyes slightly narrowed and her lips pursed. 

“I’m just thinking,” I sighed. 

_About you._

“About anything interesting?” 

_You._

“Not really, no. Just...school.” 

_Liar._

* 

* 

We got back to Lafayette and, to me, the air felt even heavier. It was still hard to breathe, especially now that I was thinking of the visit _and_ Charlotte. It was a deadly combo. 

Even the Tupperware container of cookies in my hands felt heavy. 

“Thank you for inviting me today,” Charlotte said, slowly walking towards a staircase. I could feel her familiar warmth that’d been next to me all morning fade and immediately wished for it to come back. Though, the more I wished, the further away she ventured. 

“Thank you for coming with. It was...really nice to have someone there with me.” I said, leading her to blush a bit under my gaze. 

“Of course! I hope you get everything sorted out soon. In the meantime, feel free to talk with me. I’m here for you.” Charlotte grinned, sticking her hands in her pockets after she gave me a quick wave. In response, I nodded; leading her to take off. “See you later!” 

“Bye,” I said quietly, though she was already too far away to hear me. She disappeared up the stairs a few moments later. 

Time passed; I stood there for a good five minutes before I was bumped into from behind. _God, the audacity of some people..._

“Oh, sorry,” A familiar voice piped from next to me. I was adjusting my glasses on my nose when I met their eyes - _her_ eyes - and my eyes widened in both surprise and concern. 

“Skye?” 

Her eyes were red and puffy. Along with that, she had a few faint, purple bruises forming just along her jawline and on the right side of her nose. Before I could find any other injuries, she looked away. I realized she was carrying a large garment bag in her arms. 

“Hey, Ajay. Uh, I...gotta...go.” Skye rushed, her voice unsteady with emotion. Out of habit, I called out her name again as she made a beeline towards the same staircase Charlotte disappeared into. 

Wait, no, Skye--" 

But she was already gone, too. 

* 

* 

It was only two in the afternoon. The couple days of freedom before classes started...and I was lying here alone, deep in thought. 

Was Jim really such a bad guy? Every cell in my body screamed at me to say yes, but in the back of my mind, I found myself saying no. He made my mother happy; maybe not so much with Mohit or I, but I guess that’ll have to come with time. 

Reconsidering this situation never really passed my mind. For the past three years, the sentiment of “Amma and Jim, sitting in a tree” was extremely nauseating and unnerving. I felt obligated to dislike him, just like everything else in my life. Obligation, guilt, you name it. It probably crossed my mind throughout the first couple months of their relationship. 

And if Charlotte hadn’t been there, who knows what would’ve happened. Even _with_ her there I was too scared to face the thought of their wedding. 

I grumbled, rolling over to bury my face in my pillow in an attempt to hide from everything. 

“Why _me?_ ” I groaned, clutching my comforter tightly in my fists. With thoughts like these, I was in for a long afternoon. 

* 

* 

_September 5th, 2020_

_Dear Diary..._

_Damn, do I have an entry for today._

_Firstly. I visited Amma, Mohit, and Jim back in Brooklyn today. I’d been holding out on that trip for a while; long enough to make myself feel unwelcome with each passing day.  
The trip was mediocre, to say the least. I thought it’d allow my guilty mind to feel better and focus on other things, but I guess I was wrong. I’m still pondering over the fact that I actually abandoned them for a year. So, so much happened within that time; it’s hard to comprehend, all that new information..._

_What does that exactly entail, you ask? Well, then. Amma and Jim are getting married in March and Mo is actually growing up. It’s crazy to think that his birthday is in a few short weeks..._

_This actually leads swiftly into the next topic up for discussion. Charlotte. I know that I like her. There’s no denying that anymore. I would be all for confessing and asking her out properly, but she still hasn’t decided whether or not she’s getting involved with the show. Of course, though, this is completely reasonable - I’m not someone to tell her to rush her decisions or pressure her into something she doesn’t want - but at the same time, I want to know now instead of later. I need to prepare myself for what I’d face._

_I’m almost to the point where I’m tired of waiting. I want to tell her how I feel, now that I know how to put my emotions into words. There were so many times today where she’d make me lose my focus. Make me nervous. Make me do all these uncharacteristic things that, in my opinion, would scare the hell out of people who know me for...me (AKA as a strict and uptight director and, sometimes, an emotionless blob)._

_If only theater wasn’t a thing. Then I’d actually have a fair chance. I try to tell my stupid brain that she isn’t like Kelly. I want to get over that fear; it’s piteous in a way that makes me second guess myself. My problem, though, is that I don’t know how._

_Alright. My hand is starting to cramp. I’ll give updates as they come, but don’t expect anything grand. I want to have hope, but that’s pretty hard with all of my experiences with romance._

_Ajay_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for all the love, patience, and support! It seriously means the world and more! :)


	9. chapter nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo! I've returned and come bearing the gift...of an update! I know it's been a while since the last update, but I was so busy with the holidays! It was wild. Jeez, my poor hands were covered in paper cuts from wrapping paper for days! 
> 
> Aaaanyway. Skye fans, this chapter is for you! I hope I did her amazing character some semblance of justice!
> 
> I also hope you all had a relaxing holiday season/break and are having a great start to the new year! Enjoy! <3 <3 <3
> 
> Warnings: mentions of (brief) sexual orientation insecurity, emotional abuse, and injuries (just like last chapter, nothing major or gory!)

That afternoon, after visiting Ajay’s family, was _weird_. The door to my dorm room wasn’t locked...

“Um, hello?” I said, rather pitifully, before opening it a little more so I could slip inside. In preparing myself for the worst, I formed my hands into fists and briefly remembered the self defense skills that Henry taught me some odd years ago. “Anyone in here?”

When I didn’t receive an answer, I barged through the door.

“Aaaaah!” I shouted, holding my fists up and squeezing my eyes shut - also known as something you’re _not_ supposed to do when defending yourself from an intruder. My purse fell to the floor as I flailed my arms around with reckless abandon, sometimes smacking into the still open door. “I have pepper spray!”

 _Somewhere!_ I thought.

Though, the expected attack that should’ve come by now...didn’t. Instead, uncontrollable laughter made me crack one of my eyes open. Thankfully, however, it was just Leila.

“Your _face_!” Leila howled, holding her stomach as she doubled over in a fit of cackles. “Oh dear _god_ , that was priceless!”

A hand rested over my heart, a futile attempt to still my racing heart. Leila continued to laugh; I figured they’d be loud enough to hear from miles around, so I closed the door softly.

“Why didn’t you answer me?” I giggled, shaking my head. Leila’s boisterous cackling was deafening at this point, so I walked over to my bed and threw my pillow at her. That plan backfired; the pillow was walloped back in my direction seconds later.

“I wanted to scare you! How else was I supposed to surprise you with my amazing presence?”

I arched my eyebrow in a way to say ‘really?’, only adding fuel to her fire.

“You’re so mean, you know,” I sighed, smirking, “how’ve you been?”

She slowly regained control over herself, her laughter subsiding. Wiping at her eyes, she shrugged.

“I’ve been better, especially since I haven’t been able to talk to _you_ in...” Leila said, her tone serious. She counted (what I could only assume to be) the time that’d passed by on her fingers, “..in a while.”

A frown blossomed on my face as my gaze wandered from her to my shoes in shame. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. It was stupid and now that I look back on it, completely ridiculous--”

Leila snapped her fingers, causing my eyes to meet hers once more. Their brown hues were such a relief to see.

“You didn’t cause any of it. _I’m_ sorry for being so inconsiderate and bringing it all up in the first place. I know how sensitive you are about the whole thing around new people, and the fact that I was pushy about the whole Ajay thing didn’t help.”

_Wait, how’d she remember?_

“I thought...you didn’t remember what happened that night?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowing with worry and disbelief. _Did...did she really lie?_

“No. Skye explained most of it to me when I stayed over in her dorm. A little bit of Erin and Rory’s perspectives on the matter, too.” Leila explained. I could tell she noticed the unease in my expression when her eyes widened. “Charlotte, I would never lie to you like that. Sure, I did a few stupid things at that party, but I’d never lie to you like that.”

To prove her point, she unfurled herself from her cocoon of blankets and stood up to sit next to me on my bed. Her arms wound around me in a tight hug, and I gingerly did the same, leaning my head on her shoulder.

“You’re my best friend. These past couple weeks have _sucked_ without you and I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”

I smiled into her shoulder, now realizing the damp fabric on Leila’s shirt. I sniffled and pulled away, wiping under my eyes.

“Crap, my mascara’s smudging...” I mumbled, laughing to myself. Leila laughed too, swatting my arm lightly.

“Oh, ew, stop getting your disgusting snot and tears all over my _antique_ Boston shirt. That’s what tissues are for!” Leila teased.

At long last, that awkward and tense wall that wedged itself between us came crashing down - maybe not entirely, but it was _so_ much better. We were finally back to our normal selves, which to say, felt _amazing._ Everything felt fixed now; in a way, it felt like I could breathe again. An “ _I can see clearly now, the rain is gone!”_ sort of situation.

“You should know that I’m not sorry. You should know how emotional I am at this point in our friendship,” I hummed, smiling at her, “and I’m _also_ going to ask you about the whole Skye situation later.” My eyebrows wiggled suggestively at her, making her grin shyly.

“Only if you tell me about _your_ little field trip today,” Leila smirked, “oh, and _please_ tell me there’s a kiss in the story somewhere--”

I gave a loud sigh, poking her arm as I did so. “Leila...”

She grinned devilishly. “I’m taking that as a yes!”

“ _No!_ Ajay and I are just friends, nothing more. I swear on your life.” Was all I could say. 

_Shoot! Why is my face warm?_

All I knew: I met Ajay’s family and found out that they’re cool. His mom is super sweet and his brother is awesome. For the love of God, _he’s_ cool _~~and fun and sweet and handsome and quirky~~_ and I think he’s a great guy. As a friend. 

Yes, just like a friend.

“I don’t believe you.” Leila smirked. “You’re forgetting the fact that I can see right through your lies, and let me tell you, _that_ was a great example.”

I rolled my eyes and inaudibly cursed under my breath.

“Okay. Ajay and I are _close_ , as _friends_ , but there’s no way in hell that he feels anything more than that. Is that a better answer?” My voice felt a little unsteady and sounded like it had laces of irritation to it, but I don’t think Leila picked up on it. She was still ogling over this whole thing.

“How do _you_ feel about _him_ , Charlotte?” Leila’s voice was steady. Teasing, sure, but she sounded like she already knew the answer. The different shades of brown in her eyes caught the sun, so it almost made the mischievous sparkle in them legitimate. It scared me.

I felt my hands dampen. Jeez, why am I nervous? Surely I was alright with Leila again and we were both on the same page and--nothing between us was off anymore--and everything was back to normal--

And...

_And I’m dodging her question. Crap._

It’d been a fairly long beat of silence since Leila asked her question, and still, I didn’t answer. Partially because my brain had been moving a million miles a minute, but the real reason...I _didn’t know_ the answer. I didn’t know how I felt about Ajay. In all honesty, I didn’t even think I considered him as _just_ a friend, but what comes after that? How am I supposed to know how to describe my emotions if I don’t even know what the heck they are?

“Charlotte,” Leila said softly, her hand resting on my shoulder, “you okay?”

“Yeah!-- _Um_ , yeah. I’m great. Fine.” My voice was higher than usual. She’s going to notice. And then she’s going to _tease..._

Her eyes were soft with concern as I looked into them, but she didn’t say anything further. Any hint of humor in her expression was gone, now replaced with confusion.

_Now that things are okay-ish with Leila again..._

_..._

I didn’t want to think about it. _That’s_ what made me nervous; describing my feelings for him. Now that I knew, I could just completely avoid the thought! Simple.

_Now that I can focus on something else, well, someone else..._

No no no no no-- _AVOID. THE. THOUGHT._

_Do I..._

Half of my brain entertained the idea. But then, the other half: _No! Think about anything else! Think about home, the diner, college..._

Of course, my brain wasn’t strong enough. It gave in.

_...like Ajay?_

So much for the whole AVOIDING. THE. THOUGHT. thing.

I sighed and leaned to fall back onto my bed, ignoring Leila’s confused glance.

*

*

As a few hours passed (or when my head had finally cleared), Leila and I just started chatting. About everything. And when I say everything, I mean _everything_. We had our backs to our beds and legs crossed, facing each other, and had just been spit-balling as usual.

Leila shared what she’d been doing over the past few weeks. Of course the majority of that had been about how much she explored New York. A story about her going on a trip with upperclassmen out of town, another about her and a girl named Morgan that she’d met at the local Hot Topic. Even one about how she saw the Statue of Liberty - _without_ me.

All in all, Leila didn’t sound too miserable. But the most prominent thing, well, _person_ she talked about...was Skye.

“Did you know that Skye is a fan of Shinedown?” Leila squealed, pumping her fists. “God, it was just so _exhilarating_ to hear someone else ramble about them! Talking to you is great, but that conversation is always one-sided. I sound like a broken record.”

A gentle laugh escaped me. It was relieving to see her this happy; wait, let me rephrase. It was just relieving to see Leila again.

“Ah, so that’s the key to your heart - nerding out over some band with another fan.” I smirked, watching her cheeks redden.

“Hey now, Shinedown is _not_ just ‘some band’, but is a true portrayal of _art_. It’s something that leaves a mark on someone’s soul, and Skye and I just happen to be cut from the same cloth. Figuratively, of course. In terms of music taste.”

... _wow_. _Okay._

“That was...deep,” I laughed, nudging her leg with my foot, “I never knew you could speak so metaphorically?”

A smile blossomed across Leila’s face, and with a glance, the blush that illuminated her cheeks intensified. Truly, though. Leila never spoke with such an air of confidence and inspiration, so this was different.

“I guess you could say that I’ve learned a few things about myself over the past couple weeks.”

Her smile broadened, in a way that lit up her entire face rather than just her eyes. It was that rare grin of hers. 

Oh.

_OH._

“Okay, something’s up,” I hedged, hoping to get the reasoning. She never smiles like that. “Spill.”

I could immediately tell she tried holding her answer back. From my vantage point, I watched as she bit the inside of her cheek and wrung her hands around each other. Just like that smile she wore moments before, her anxious mood was rare. The silence was deafening, and in all honesty, it was absolutely _terrifying_!

Then, as seconds passed, she finally broke and let out a squeal.

“ _I like Skye_!” Leila cheered, laughing. “ _IhaveacrushonSkye!”_

 _Well, who would’ve thought,_ I could feel myself grinning at the thought, _totally didn’t call that from day one or anything!_

“Leila!” I cooed, scooting myself over next to her. “That’s so sweet!”

Leila looked happy. Genuinely, wholeheartedly happy. Then she composed herself and put on a serious expression, one that made me feel a little awkward. Well, _more_ awkward than the usual amount.

“But...I’m not sure if she...” She mused, deep in thought. Her shoulders tensed again and her eyes displayed looks of panic. “I’m not sure if she’s lesbian, or bi, or...”

She trailed off and shook her head. “I...I feel awkward if I try to flirt or something. In the back of my mind, I wonder if that’d make her uncomfortable--”

I interrupted her by gently resting my hand on her shoulder. This kind of conversation happened _after_ her toxic ex, Sadie, but it wasn’t about someone else. It was about her and how she could embrace her true identity.

“Leila, hey,” I whispered, watching as she tried to relax, “remember that conversation will come with timeand trust. When you think you’ve built up enough of a relationship with her, you should talk to her about it. I know you’re not shy about it anymore, but she may be. Being put on the spot would be something that’d make her uncomfortable. Remember how you were about it a few years ago.”

Leila nodded while listening. Even if she still had a wild look in her eye, I knew she was processing my words.

“Be gentle and patient with her so she’s comfortable in your presence. If you _really_ like her, though, that’ll come naturally. Just take it slow and show her she can confide in you.”

Finally, again, a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

“You’ve read too many sappy romance books,” Leila snickered, nudging me with her elbow, “I’m officially taking them all away.”

A playful gasp escaped me as I retaliated. “You wouldn’t _dare_!” 

I found a stray pillow on the floor and gently threw it at her. “They even came in handy! I used their wisdom to help you, and this is how you repay me?”

“ _Ugh_ , you’re right. I guess they were useful for once,” Leila sighed, now giving me an appreciative smile, “thank you. Really.”

“There’s no need to thank me, but you’re absolutely welcome. Now keep those grubby hands of yours away from my books!”

“Hey, no promises.”

In that moment, I couldn’t help but look back on the morning. Just when I thought I recovered from that roller coaster from earlier, ( _AVOID. THE. THOUGHT._ ), I realized that I was right back where I started.

 _Just stop thinking about him,_ I thought, _if you don’t think about it, it’ll go away._

*

*

“Hey, Leila, wanna order dinner? I think there’s a Chinese takeout place somewhere...”

With a quick glance, I could tell that Leila was on her bed and scrolling through her phone. After a short period of silence - and then some - she didn’t respond.

“Earth to Leila...” I teased, turning to completely look at her. She had a small frown on her face, her eyebrows furrowed. Her phone’s light illuminated her face in a weird way; it hadn’t even been dark outside yet, but her face looked haunted.

“Leila?” Now concerned, I got up and plopped onto her bed by her knees. “What’s with the look?”

Leila gave a deep sigh, letting her phone drop onto the mattress. “Skye.”

My heart dropped a little at the mention of Skye in such a worried tone; Leila was so happy when talking about her earlier! Though... _wait_...

That text she sent me this morning.

I didn’t even know what had been wrong yet, but I still knew it wasn’t anything good. “What’s going on with Skye? You mentioned that you didn’t talk to her much today...”

The room went quiet again before Leila sat up, crossing her legs. “She’s been...going through a lot. It’s really not my place to say why, but...I think something’s wrong, Charlotte. She just answered me and she sounds...”

I felt my eyebrows knit together in confusion, but then the conversation from a few weeks ago came flooding back. 

_...they do nothing but make a lot of money and prioritize themselves over anything else, even their own kids..._

“Her parents, um, do you think they’re part of the problem?” I questioned, my mind racing with thoughts. Leila’s light brown eyes swirled with thought, then after a minute, gave a reluctant nod and looked down at her lap.

“Don’t tell her I confirmed that, though. This is her kryptonite. I can’t lose her trust, especially not with everything she’s told me.”

Leila had always been someone to be pretty open, though it depended on how you knew her. She’d announce someone’s secret if she didn’t know them well enough (despite being intoxicated, of course...), but would guard it with her life if she did. And, by her hesitant reaction alone, I could tell Skye had _tremendously_ grown on Leila in the past few weeks, crush or not.

“I won’t tell anyone, you know that. But do you think she’d be willing to tell me about it?” I asked, my heart aching for more information. 

_If only I could help, even if it’s just a little bit. Help them both._ _Wait, is this even my place?_

“I think she’d be okay with it, especially because we’re roommates.” Leila seemed sure of herself.

“Should we go find her, then?” I didn’t want to let precious time slip away if Skye really needed someone.

“Well...” Leila said, trailing off. A blush seeped into her cheeks.

“Well?”

“I don’t think she’s home from wherever she went today. I asked before she left, but she wouldn’t tell me where she was going.” Leila frowned. And...I was still confused.

A different idea came to my head. “How about you text her and ask if she’s at her dorm? If so, we could go grab dinner from a place of her choice.”

Leila relaxed a little, though the crease in her brow didn’t disappear. “That’s definitely an idea...” A small smile spread across Leila’s face, her eyes crinkling slightly at the corners with sincerity. “Actually, yeah, let’s do it.”

In that moment, while something still felt wrong, I _still_ realized that I’d be a third wheel in territory I’d never been in before. I’ve never exactly been on a date before, but this felt like date material. God, I have all of my knowledge from books and movies, not from actual experiences!

_Am I overstepping? Oh, I totally am. This is the beginning of a third wheeler, just like in the books! I don’t want to make them uncomfortable!_

My thoughts were everywhere. But: I knew I’d be invading their time, and quite possibly crossing a line that Skye wasn’t ready to cross with me. Plus; if Leila was willing, she could update me on what I missed. And I’d finally get a chance to take care of stuff I’ve been putting off for a while; _school_ stuff. _And_ I would be able to stay in for the night and relax.

“Well, now that I think about it, it’d be awkward if I went. I can stay here--” My voice was an octave higher again. My nerves were on full display.

_It’s really no big deal, right? This was the right choice?_

“No! It won’t be awkward; in fact, she’d enjoy your company. You’re coming along!” Leila teased, winking. She knew I was stepping out of my comfort zone here - such a typical Leila move to drag me into the unknown.

“If you’re sure...”

“Oh, I’m sure.” Leila smirked. “Skye needs _both_ of us right now.”

*

*

My eyes darted over to Leila’s phone as she texted Skye. As cute as their conversation had been, it left a figurative bad taste in my figurative mouth.

 **Leila:** Is Italian okay?

 **Skye:** for...?

 **Leila:** Dinner ;)

 **Leila:** Your texts sounded sad earlier so I thought we could do a mukbang. Or also known as something where we sit, eat, and talk about our feelings

 **Skye:** oh...you don’t need to

 **Skye:** really

 **Leila:** Hmmmmm. Well, what if I want to?

 **Skye:** then i’d call you insane

 **Skye:** danger levels of psycho

 **Skye:** i guess i shouldn’t be surprised, though. you did say you used to eat pickles with peanut butter, you heathen

 **Leila:** Guess i’m insane then. And whoever said I stopped? Man, what a great snack. If there isn’t peanut butter than ice cream works too :P

 **Skye:** disgusting

 **Leila:** I think the word you’re lookin for is ‘delectable’

 **Skye:** no

 **Leila:** So, whatcha want from ~sorriso~?

 **Skye:**!!! 

**Skye:** what?!

 **Skye:** that place is super expensive! there’s no way in a million years you can afford that

 **Leila:** Charlotte and I are splitting the check. No worries. And yes, I actually could afford the entire check if I found a twenty on the sidewalk. Buuuuuut that obviously didn’t happen, so Charlotte decided to pitch in

 **Leila:** So. Order?

 **Leila:** And before I forget. She’s eating with us, if that’s okay?

 **Skye:** sigh. baked mostaccioli. and yeah that’s definitely fine

 **Leila:** Boom! That’s settled 

**Leila:** Anything else? A hug? A knuckle sandwich?

 **Skye:** I think I’ll pass this time around. but thanks for the offer. but seriously, you really don’t need to buy me dinner

 **Skye:** at least let me pay you back?

 **Leila:** NO. 

**Leila:** anythingforyoubeyonce

 **Skye: 😂** wow. okay. see you two when you get here

“I can’t believe she used an emoji!” I gasped, laughing slightly.

_She never uses emojis._

“Me either,” Leila said, also letting out a small smile. She’d been a little skeptical, too; so it seemed.

The Italian restaurant we were standing in, Sorriso, was _packed_. It’d been like a Sunday afternoon at the Golden Griddle, where you could barely walk an inch without bumping shoulders with someone. Though, unlike the diner back home, this place had actual space.

_~~And money!~~ _

“So. I was thinking about something earlier,” Leila said, her eyes still facing forward. It looked like she’d been scanning the menu _again_.

“Oh no...”

Her elbow mercilessly dug into my ribs as she scoffed.

“Shush. Anyway. Have you thought about what you’re going to do about the show?”

_The show?_

“You...mean for theater? The school show?” My tone sounded so much more baffled than I’d intended...

“Yep. Are you planning on auditioning next week? I heard that Rory’s going to.” Leila asked, finally tearing her eyes from the oh-so-interesting menu that consisted of about ten items. For some reason, she had a look of plain amusement in her eyes.

“I...well, we’ll see? I have no idea how much homework my classes are gonna have and we both know how serious I am about grades--”

Leila let out a laugh when she cut me off. “Breathe, Charlotte. It was just a question. Plus, I think loosening your death grip on your academics would be a good idea this year. It’d help you get out of your shell...”

_Pfff, like that’ll ever happen. I have a valedictorian title to live up to._

I took a deep breath before speaking. “I’ve been thinking about it.”

That was an honest answer. Brushing the whole school/class/homework/stress situation aside, I really did want to get involved with the production at NYU. It would help get me involved with the drama community and gain experience. 

After all, this _is_ what I chose to do with my life. It would be a stupid choice _not_ to audition since that’s, fingers crossed, what I’m going to be doing when I graduate.

Besides, Ajay would be there too. It’d be like a cherry on top of this already awesome cake.

“I guess you have more time to think about it, but I think you’d have a great time.” Leila rambled, ending the conversation. It wasn’t going anywhere anymore, and we got called up to the cashier. It was a win-win.

 _One problem solved, a bazillion more to go._ The thought alone gave me a headache.

*

*

You could definitely tell that our food smelt good. People in the hallways looked like they were practically drooling when we walked by. Someone (I think their name was Max?) eyed me, then the bag, and then met my narrowed eyes again.

“You’re not stealing this, dude. Go buy your own damn lasagna.” Was all I had to say before he sighed and continued walking.

Leila and I giggled once he was out of sight. Though, Leila stopped short at a door and immediately fell silent. A blush had slowly seeped into her cheeks as she looked at the doorknob.

“Here we are,” Leila whispered, clutching the bag in her hands a little tighter, “just act normal? Not awkward, but normal. Please.”

Yep. She’s nervous.

“I’ll try.”

With a slightly shaking hand, Leila knocked on the door. A few minor shuffles and a quiet grumble later, the door opened and revealed Skye.

She wore a shirt very familiar; I noticed it was a band tee she’d had in her suitcase, one of the ones on the top, when she and Leila accidentally swapped bags at the airport. Her auburn waves were down, cascading over her shoulders and covering an entire side of her face. It looked to be a little tousled, like she’d been running her fingers through it.

“Hey, you guys,” Skye said, her voice revealing her fatigue, “come in.”

She opened the door wider and allowed us to pass through the threshold. We took off our shoes and sat on the floor between her bed and Erin’s bed where, surprisingly, there’d already been a small table set up.

“No Erin tonight?” Leila asked, her voice calm as she took the takeout trays out from her bag. While she reached over to take her food, Skye shook her head.

“Nope. She’s helping Rory with his audition stuff, I think. Something about him needing a ‘one woman audience’.”

“Her loss, then,” I laughed, leading them to laugh as well. 

Holy cheese. I feel so out of place. If this is how it’s going to be all night, I might go back when we’re done with this ‘mukbang’ or whatever Leila called it.

“So, Skye, how’ve you been?” Leila asked. Skye gave her a brief smile, one that didn’t quite reach her one uncovered eye, and gave a sigh.

“You saw me this morning, and I was just fine then.” Her hands fiddled with the lid of the takeout box as she gently opened it and started nibbling on her pasta.

“So...nothing happened at that thing you went to today?” Leila quirked her brow when Skye shrugged.

“It was a stupid banquet thing for my parent’s business, so nothing exciting happened.”

The conversation between us carried out like that for several more minutes, all while we took our time eating our Italian. Every once in a while, though, I’d find Skye’s gaze linger on Leila, or vice versa. Of course I didn’t say anything, but it just made me feel _that_ much more out of place.

Then, a thought hit me. That time in the bathroom, when I picked out her shade of lipstick. Her odd behavior, the look of sadness on her face when she left...

“Was the shade of lipstick I chose okay?” Is what I had asked before I could forget. I could tell I interrupted them, but in all honesty, I think it was for the best. Leila looked beyond happy now, and when she was like this, she could talk _forever_. So if I wanted an answer to this question, I’d have to say it while I had the chance.

"Yeah, it was...perfect." Skye bellowed, her one visible eye casting itself downwards - and that’s when I saw something off. The skin on the bridge of her nose looked a little red; it wasn’t exactly a blush, but more of an irritation.

"Skye?" Leila asked, her voice soft. Skye snapped her head up, her gaze cautious, "Are you okay? You're acting weird..."

Skye frowned. "I...I guess there's no sense in hiding it…" she tucked her hair behind her ear, uncovering the other side of her face. It had a few bruises, colored a light purple. There had been red linings around them, though the biggest one on her jawline looked to be the worst.

Leila gasped.

"What happened? Did--" Leila's expression darkened, her eyes set in a narrow, defensive look, "did _they_ do that to you?"

Skye was silent, then after a minute, she whispered. "No, not intentionally. Brian ran into me and sent me flying into a table by accident," Skye gestured to her bruises, “so now my face is like this and my dress is at the cleaners.”

I looked over to see Leila fuming. Her fists were balled and it looked like she had steam blowing out from her ears. "Did he apologize or do anything to help you?"

Skye cleared her throat. “Do you really think a table can apologize?”

We both rolled our eyes, and that led Skye to sigh dejectedly.

“No. But that's beside the point. I'm always in the way, wherever I step…" she huffed and took a bite of her dinner, a scowl encasing her expression, "my entire family, they just don’t understand anything about what they do to me. Nothing. It doesn't matter how hard I work in school, however many achievements I receive...they will _always_ see me as an obstacle." Skye growled, her voice startlingly low and deep, her blue eyes burning into mine for a second before she looked over to Leila. A flash of panic settled within them before she looked back at me and uttered, "Wait, did you tell her?"

Leila shook her head and Skye let out a breath. It sounded like one of relief, but also one of exhaustion. She just looked like she wanted to be done with the conversation.

I think I figured out her secret.

"Sorry, Charlotte...I got a little…" Skye sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Carried away, I guess."

I frowned, only because I knew what that felt like. Letting your emotions get the better of you, allowing them to control you, even if it's against your will. Instantly, I thought about the night I showed up at Ajay's door. His arms felt so safe, so comforting...

_God, stop thinking about him! Skye is all that matters right now. Not him. Skye._

_AVOID. THE. THOUGHT._

...I’m officially a broken record.

"Don't worry about it," I said suddenly, shaking the thoughts away, "you don't need to say anything if you don't want to. I can easily just forget that I heard anything--"

To tell the truth, my words got the better of me. I had no idea how to convey the idea of trust with someone I’ve only spoken to a few times.

Skye shook her head to cut me off, thankfully. "No, it's alright. I already told you about my psycho parents," another bite of her dinner, then, "and a big piece I left out was how they favor my brother over me, if you can imagine."

Again, the conversation we had while shopping came to mind. How she said her parents always belittle their kids...but to think that one of them was favored over the other? It was hard to fathom, in all honesty. 

"Brian, my older brother, is a complete...well..." Skye looked to Leila, searching her face before she looked back at me, " _jackass_. And that's putting it mildly."

Leila laughed a bit.

"He's unemployed and yet he's the star of the family because he played _football_ in high school. If he asks for something, it's in his hands in less than a day." 

"He's their ‘favorite’," I sighed, my tone sad, and Skye nodded.

"Exactly. But I have to beg to get my parents to come to my high school graduation and pay for half of my tuition."

_Half?_

"Just...half? But aren't they…" I trailed off, watching Skye nod.

"Rich as hell? Yeah, they are," Skye sighed, rolling her eyes, "but they can't spare me anything. How sweet of them, right?"

Leila cleared her throat and Skye and I turned to her. "Don't forget to mention the whole Oregon thing…"

Skye sighed, then continued. "I was just so fed up with them, so when I was finally out of high school, I flew out to my aunt's house to spend the summer there. It was against their wishes, but I didn't care. To this day, they still haven't forgiven me, so they've made their attempts to make me feel unwanted even _more_ obvious."

She picked at her dinner now, pushing all of her remaining noodles to one side, then back again, absentmindedly. Skye looked hurt, but she mostly radiated annoyance. Worn out. Done.

"So I've been doing their dirty work. Going to all of their banquets, going to all of these pointless meetings to hear how Brian is 'the best’ and how he's 'so successful', when he doesn't even know left from right, about how I'm an 'incompetent brat with a brain the size of a walnut'--"

Leila cleared her throat and gave Skye a pointed look, one that made her brown eyes soften. Skye stopped talking with an exasperated sigh.

"How do you put up with that?" I vocalized the question before I could think, and this made Skye blink in surprise. "If they're treating you that way, then why do you put up with it?"

Skye frowned before she covered it with a cough. "It's...not exactly _easy_ to stand up to them. Not like they'd listen to me, anyway..."

Then, a sudden knock at the door. _Right as we were getting somewhere. Of course._

Erin waltzed into the room with Rory on her heels. Both of them looked happy, and maybe even a little _too_ happy, because their smiles faded once they sensed the somber mood in the room.

"Hey, ladies!" Rory said with a mocking squeak, a small smile on his face. It was so awkward; you could feel the cringe of every person in the room, especially from Skye. "Hope we're not interrupting anything."

Skye shrugged as if nothing had happened. It was crazy how fast she built her walls back up again.

"We were coming to pick up Skye and Leila, but it looks like you two are all patched up," Erin gestured between Leila and I with a smirk, "so I guess you can come along, Charlotte. This thing applies to you, too."

Rory gasped before I could ask where exactly we were going; this led to him putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eye.

"But first, we need to know. You're auditioning for the show, right?" His eyes were pleading. Why was he looking at me like that?

"Well…" I trailed off again, and this led to both Rory and Erin groaning.

"It's a _yes_ or a _no_ , not a _maybe_." Erin sighed, facepalming herself. "Pick one, not both."

Everyone's eyes were suddenly on me. I squirmed under their gazes, uncomfortable and self-conscious. "I really don’t know!"

It's what got their eyes off of me, at least for the time being.

"Fine, I guess we’ll take it. But we should get a move on," Rory cheered, "we don't wanna be late for this thing."

I looked around and it looked like everyone knew what he'd been talking about.

"What _thing_? Where are you going?" I stammered, watching as Erin gathered her things.

“Somewhere,” Erin teased, which led to a sigh escaping me.

“I have things to do tonight, and I’ve already been out all day...” My excuse was sudden, but it was true. I had school things to attend to and many z’s to catch. Plus, I _had_ been out all day.

Erin frowned. “So...you’re not going with?”

I shook my head.

"I thought you were joking, Erin. There's no way I have the time to be a tech for this show.” Skye sighed, finishing up her dinner. She still looked so tired, and the bruises and scratches around her face didn't help.

"Because you are talented and that's what the program is looking for! I’m not even in it and I know that," Erin said, now starting to lean in to look at her eyes, but she focused on the marks on Skye's pale skin instead, "wait, what happened? What are these?"

A part of me thought Skye would open up when her blue eyes frantically looked over to Leila for (what I assumed to be) guidance, but I immediately thought against it when her usual neutral expression settled back over her face.

"I'm just a clumsy person, I guess," Skye said, shrugging, "someone should revoke me of my walking privileges."

Erin and Rory burst out into giggles, and I watched as Leila held in a frown. The weight of Skye's reality rested heavily on my shoulders, but I thought it was worth it. She trusted me! I've barely talked to her and yet I have her trust; well, some of it anyway.

“I’ll be back later,” Leila whispered to me as we walked into the hallway, handing me her unfinished lasagna box, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, okay?”

With a small laugh and a nod, I sent her off with a wave. “Same to you, weirdo.” 

Before I left, I pulled Skye aside.

“I won’t tell anyone about what you said tonight, okay? I noticed that it was a hard conversation for you to have.” I told her, watching her wide eyes soften the _slightest_ bit. “Anything you need, anytime you need to talk, I’m there. This goes for Leila too, but you knew that already. We’re just a text or call away.”

Skye nodded briefly, her eyes wandering over to Leila’s laughing figure. “Yeah...alright.”

She didn’t sound very convinced.

*

*

The night faded into early morning, but I felt like it’d been worth it.

Leila was still out with everyone. It turned out that they’d gone to see a new movie called _The Enchanted Kingdom_. Apparently it’d been sold out for a few weeks, but it was _also_ the play that I could be auditioning for.

The clock read that it’d been one in the morning, and here I was. My diary open in front of me. Despite the growing cramp in my hand from writing all my classes down and labeling all my supplies, I decided it was time for another entry.

My eyes read over the “first” one I wrote; the one from July. This entry was back when I still had the dream of escaping my small little world of Oregon. Now that my eyes have been opened to how real the world is, I’d be alright if I returned to dreaming. This whole college thing is _terrifying_ ; and yet, here’s Charlotte-of-two-months-ago rambling on and on about how she wants to “explore” and “expand”. Sometimes...things should just stay the same.

“That feels like eons ago...”

The faint, imaginative scent of Dad’s chili wafted through my nose. I could swear that my heart broke a little, just at the thought of home.

“What I’d give to be there right now...”

And then, like magic, the words just started to fly from my mind and onto the paper of my diary.

*

*

_September 6th, 2020_

_Dear Diary..._

_What. A. Day._

_So much happened._

_I met Ajay’s family. (If I talk about the whole ordeal here, my hand will no longer exist. Just know it was a pretty big step for him.)_

_This is like a whole sub-genre at this point. ‘Ajay’. Ever since I parted with him after this morning, I’ve felt...off. I get nervous when I think about him, the way he smiled at me, the way he just talked to me so easily, his blush, his vulnerable side, let alone him feeling comfortable with me..._

_It was all an eyeopener, and i_ _t brought a realization to my mind. I’ve been doting over lots of his actions and I’ve been thinking about him a lot. This took me all day to figure out, but I think I may be starting to form feelings for him._

_I’ve had crushes before, but none of them have felt like this. None of them made me a nervous wreck, wary of my personality, or even...rethink my passions? He’s a theater guy and admitted to seeing me perform from that Spotlite event some odd years ago. I feel like he’d have a lot to say about my acting. Oh, wow, was that why I’m so torn on the show? *facepalm*. More on that later._

_It’s just...I want to say that I have a crush. I want to get that out in the open and let myself classify it as something. But, I...don’t know how to. I’ve never had these feelings or emotions before? All the books and movies lead me to believe that I should just go with it and call it a crush, but I just don’t know. UGH. This is so confusing. Moving on._

_I made amends with Leila - finally. And talked with Skye! And...figured out that Leila is falling (pretty darn hard) for Skye, who is someone who has lots going on. She’s strong, but she looks so, so drained. We just had dinner tonight; it was nice, but I learned a lot about Skye. (Also not gonna elaborate much on this; my hand feels like it’s falling apart, so bear with me._ )

_I still haven’t heard much about the diner. No texts, emails, calls, dove letters, nothing. It’s a little frightening, to say the least. Oh, and I still haven’t heard from Henry! You know, my “long lost twin” at this point. I really hope he’s doing alright._

_And then there’s the matter of auditioning for the show. Now that I think about it, it seems like the only logical option. If it’s going to be my career, why not start? It’d be great experience, anyway..._

_...but is it something I’m willing to commit to right now? On top of all the change I’ve been enduring..._

_Actually...you know what? Screw it. I’m going to do it. To hell with holding back. This girl is ready. (Probably not, actually, but it’s the thought that counts...)._

_Let’s just hope I don’t regret this. Any of it. If you’re not me and have read this, please forget about it. If you find the pen-looking thing from Men In Black, hand it to me. You won’t remember a thing. :)_

_Sincerely,_

_Charlotte_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaah! I hope you liked this chapter! It was so much fun to write.
> 
> Until we meet again...
> 
> o7 (a salute I may or may not have picked up from Reddit...lol)


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